My NC Diary

[lonely83]

NC - is No More!!

 

Hi to anyone that is still reading my diary - sorry for not writing in the past 14-15 days but I was trying to with draw myself from browsing the ENA forums!

 

Well, things have certainly been interesting since my last entry! Until a week last thursday I'd still had NC with my ex, then as I was sat at my computer doing some work MSN status set to 'away' to avoid conversations she suddenly messages me asking if I was able to chat - I explained I was studying and said sure but I might not respond to quickly. Any way below are 2 extracts of the conversation.

 

X = me, Y = her.

 

Extract 1

y says: jst that im on team friendship if ur up for it?

x says: yeh, whats changed your mind?

y says: just ready to be ur pal now

y says: if thats ok with u?

x says: yeah sure

x says: when did you decide this?

y says: over the past few days, realised not everyone is a nice person so the people who r u should hold on to

x says: oh dear whats happened?

y says: ah nothing exciting

x says: but something, come on

y says: but it made me realise ur an awesome person and il be lucky to be able to call u a pal?

x says: i'll think about it ..

y says: lol

x says: what im serious

x says: so whats happened, katy or sami?

y says: nah it doesnt matter

x says: haha good start to pals this

y says: i dont really want to talk about it, i think thats fair?!

x says: ok i can guess at who then,

 

Extract 2

y says: is ur profile pic from our zoo day?

x says: yeah

y says: lool good times

y says: in the sweltering heat

x says: i had such fun that day

y says: me too! im defo going to be going to zoo's more often lol

x says: i wanted to take you on a surprise date to edingburgh zoo

y says: that would have been awesome!altho would i be blindfolded all the way?!

x says: no it was going to be in jan after you had stayed - haha i was going to pst you some wooly glooves hat and scalf and a note saying to meet me somewhere the next day with them

y says: aww thats so sweet

x says: oh well

y says: i would have loved it!

x says: yeah i know thats what i thught but ever got ttthe chance - such is life

y says: im really sorry it didnt work out between us 'x'

y says: i think it was for the best anyway

x says: i disagree we were and would have been awesome together but it wasnt to be

y says: we were awesome to be honest

 

At the end of the conversation I left feeling pretty positive although I avoided trying to get my hopes up about us etc. I was adamant that I'd go back to NC and leave it in her hands to initiate contact etc. And I succeed over the following weekend.

 

As you know monday nights we always go to the same club - small city, no where else to go etc. Anyway towards the end of the night I was in VIP with a friend and we walked past her I nodded and smiled, as we were being more civil with each other now, and continued on to the bar. As I was stood at the bar chatting to my mate my ex came over the three of us were talking then my friend disappeared leaving me and my ex to chat. Things were as if nothing had happened in the past two months or so. After 10-15 mins her house mate came over said they were leaving and did she want to get a taxi with them. She said no she wanted to stay and chat and catch up with me and asked if I minded or minded making sure she got a taxi home ok. I said that was fine but she didn't feel she had to stay.

 

Anyway she stayed and we spent another hour chatting. She had been drinking and I hadn't but the whole time she was very very flirty, touching me constantly etc. Anyway eventually she suggested going for a dance and we did and eventually we kissed. As I wasn't drinking I had the car so I dropped her off home. She invited me in to chat and we sat on the floor in the living room for another 2hrs under a sleeping bag in a little tent talking about everything. She was explaining how she was so sorry about everything, what had happened with the other guy and how it was clearly all a rebound. She played me her break up song and I played her mine and she said she still loved me but wasn't sure I'd ever trust her again and that she wanted me to be able to.

 

Anyway I ended up staying the night and we just lay in each others arms etc. The next two days, tuesday and wednesday we text a little but didn't see each other then we met up again for dinner and a few drinks yesterday, thursday. We talked about monday and how I was saying I was concerned it meant more to me and that she might see it as a drunken mistake. She said it wasn't the case at all, she admitted it might not have happened if she wasn't drunk but that didn't mean she wasn't glad it had happened. Throughout the lunch and drinks after we flirted etc and kissed each other.

 

During our meet up yesterday we've decided for now to be friends and not to rush in to anything just see how things developed. Although this is a little awkward what with the kissing etc and never knowing if it's appropriate to kiss her or not or to touch her etc I think that it's right not to rush in to things to fast, for both of us. We shall see how things develop over the next few weeks etc, I'm trying not to get my hopes up to much and just trying to stay focused on friends for now but who knows....Wish me luck guys!!

 

Lonely83

[lonely83]

Update

 

Well since my last post a week ago after i'd seen her on the thurs I didn't see her over the weekend as she was away and then wasn't to well but we spoke lots on MSN and text a bit and she must have rung me every day even twice on some days. We finally got around to seeing each other yesterday, (wednesday).

 

We just met for lunch and didn't really speak about the past week much initially but eventually we did. She said she only wanted to be friends for now as she couldn't be in a relationship with me as she'd only end up hurting me again. Yet at the same time she was still maintaining that she loved me still and that she was glad that what had happened in the past week had happened. She was kind of implying that it'd probably happen again, (us hooking up), if we were both out drinking and saw each other - I don't know if this is good or bad.

 

Anyway at the end of the day together after all our talking she still said it was only to be friends but that she'd promise she'd think about things this weekend, (she's going to visit her dad). I know that nothing will change when she gets back - even if she wanted to she would take the easier option of not doing anything about how she felt. I guess I'll just remain friends with her etc but when I next see her I'm going to tell her straight I'm not waiting around for her forever to decide what she wants regarding me etc. For now also I'm not going to contact her etc again, estentially although we are friends I'm in a way going back to NC and leaving contact up to her.

 

lonely83

[lonely83]

Update 2

 

So I didn't contact her from thurs till late monday afternoon. I rang her, for some reason I was unbelievably nervous - which she found amusing and cute. Anyway we chatted about meeting up in the week, we both want to go see 'Step Up 2' and what we'd been up to over the weekend and our plans for the evening - just general stuff really. After the phone conversation I didn't text her etc and went about the rest of my evening out as planned.

 

She text me the following morning, (tuesday - today), asking me how last night was and if she missed anything. I managed to resist texting back for 3 hours, I'm trying to appear less needy etc as in the past I'd have text back immediately. She text back almost straight away and again I waited another hour to reply, conversation was just general chit chat. We ended up speaking on the phone to discuss going to the cinema to see the film. She said she still wanted to go and we were discussing when etc and she said she didn't want to go in the evening as it would seem like a 'date' - something that has got me slightly confused, (any ideas anyone?).

 

Anyway at the end of the chat she said she'd text me later in the evening on her night out, (I won't get my hopes up about hearing anything from her), put I was slightly confused as to why she'd say that?

 

lonely83

[lonely83]

Update 3

 

I realise it's been awhile since I last posted an update as to how things were going in my life so I thought I'd take the time to do so now. Since my last update, things have been well ... up and down!

 

Well to start with things generally improved, we ended up going to see 'Step Up 2' together and went for some food and generally had a good day together. We also went out for a nice dinner once or twice during March. And we'd go to my house and cook dinner and just snuggle up and watch TV or a film together.

 

This lasted for 2 - 3 weeks, although at times it seem like she could be two different people with me, she seemed to be once person when sober and someone different when she'd had a few drinks. If she was sober and we were spending time together she was tending to be much more withdrawn, (emotionally and physically especially when in public - it felt as if she was embarrassed to be seen with me) then when she had been drink she was the complete opposite. I remember one monday two/three weeks ago, we'd been in the same club we usually go to on a monday night, I'd gone back to her house, we fooled around and afterwards she was saying how she wanted to do her placement year from university near where I got a job so we could be together. After that I didn't see her for about 4-5 days as I went home but she still text me.

 

Anyway when I came back from home she had completely changed with me, she was completely withdrawn from me, I joked that I knew two different versions on her depending if she had been drinking or not and she went on and denied having said all the things she said that monday night and couldn't remember as she'd been drunk and just wanted to be friends.

 

Since then the only time we spend together is if we go to the gym, I've even mentioned this to her and suggested we should hang out sometime and spend time together other than at the gym, she agreed but said it would have to wait until after her university exams etc. Which I accepted until today when it turned out to be a load of **** and an excuse not to do anything with me. She text me a bit this morning and it turned out she'd been to the cinema and for a drink last night with someone, since then I really can't be bothered any more. Since then when she's text me I've been very blunt and to the point in response to what she's said/asked etc.

 

lonely83