Ed1 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Hi... Recently started dating a woman from work (different department etc). She was in a flagging relationship for the past 6 months, but decieded to work on it. We flirted etc, but we both knew nothing would happen while she was still with her b/f. Anyway over the Xmas / New year period, she split with her b/f and we got together. She wanted to take things slow as although we knew each other well, had strong feelings for each other, she wanted to give it some time. That was a month ago....since then we have spent most evenings together....shared many intimate moments.....and get on really well. I have tried to have evenings off - to respect her wishes of not taking things to fast etc, but then she says she really misses me, and comes over...I am fine with this....but I am concerned that she does not want us to be b/f and g/f yet! She says it will take time to get her head straight, but that she is sure we will be fine.....she has told all her friends, family and work colleagues that we are dating.... I just can't get my head around why she does not want to be b/f and g/f. Any thoughts or suggestions? Many thanks, Ed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Censored Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I would suggest it is in YOUR best interest to give her the time she needs. She has literally come out of one relationship only a matter of weeks ago, and is now contemplating a new one. Don't rush her. Let her come to you, as she has been doing. Space is what is needed here. And while it may seem one sided, it really is up to her at this stage to decide where she wants it to head. All you can do is wait (for a while) and let her clear her thoughts on where she is emotionally placed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 Also, forgot to mention.....while she is spending time getting emotionally placed, she does not expect me to see other women. In fact when we first got togther I had been seeing a couple of other women on a casual basis.....one of which was very keen to take things to a more serious level. The woman I am now dating got quite jealous about this, and because I really like her, and think we could have something special, I cooled things totally off with the other women..... I know she needs time to heal, and that even when you slit with someone you may still love them - I am just of the impression that you can never really time getting into a relationship perfectly - there will always be something..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richmonder80 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 She just ENDED her RELATIONSHIP WITH HER EX, I'm sure she doesnt want to hop into another one. There has to be a time of reflection and grieving (even if you are the one that broke it off) from the last relationship to regain the "personal self" before being able to commit again. It is a red flag (for you and her) that she just jumped right in to this one after her last one. The way I see it, the more you press the issue of commitment, the farther and faster she will run away from you. Give her time to heal and reflect. She may even not want to see you for awhile because she may feel confused (as often is the case where people quickly get into another relationship after a break up) and doesn't know what she wants. As much as it sucks to say it but you are the rebound guy. You were there for her when she was struggling. If you dont want to be that typical rebound guy then give her space, let her be independent to make the choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midnightrambler Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Also, forgot to mention.....while she is spending time getting emotionally placed, she does not expect me to see other women. In fact when we first got togther I had been seeing a couple of other women on a casual basis.....one of which was very keen to take things to a more serious level. The woman I am now dating got quite jealous about this, and because I really like her, and think we could have something special, I cooled things totally off with the other women..... I know she needs time to heal, and that even when you slit with someone you may still love them - I am just of the impression that you can never really time getting into a relationship perfectly - there will always be something..... sounds like she wants to have you hanging around, without other chicks, while she gets her act together.......i see a problem here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 I understand what you are saying guys......but this is not always the case..... One of my previous g/f's split with her b/f to be with me.....we were together for 7 years, and it was me that finally split from that for reasons that had nothing to do with the fact that in the distant past she had got with me on what people could see the rebound. I want to give her time to reflect and heal.....but when I do this she runs to me harder and faster....take last weekend for example, I decieded I would give her some time out....have a couple of days doing our own thing......she called the following day to say all she could do was think about me, that she was really missing me, and was it okay to come over that evening to see / be with me..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 she's either confused or jerking you around. is there any chance she's waiting to see if the old boyfriend will come back? and using you as a security blanket to fill the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangi39 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 It sounds to me like you are not comfortable with this situation- if that is the case- Then you need to remove yourself from it. Otherwise, you will only end up resenting her. Don't let someone force you into any role that you are not comfortable with. You just end up lying to yourself and making yourself unhappy. I do think she is doing the right thing by taking her time, etc. I do NOT, however, believe that she has a right to tell you what you can and can't do when she is not even sure about how she feels about you. That is just not fair to you. If you want my honest opinion- I think you are making a mistake being with her. She is not ready for a relationship- slow moving or otherwise. She needs to take time for herself to heal. Because until that time- you are just fighting for something that is broken. Plus I think she needs to figure out if she wants you there because of you or if she is really using you as a kind of security blanket/fall back guy. Besides, if you want to move at different paces this will only lead to frustration on your part. She needs to work on herself first, otherwise this relationship is doomed from the start. IMHO, you should go after a gal who is ready to dive into a relationship- that is what is sounds like you really want. Find a gal who can give you what you need in your life right now instead of just being someone else's lifeline. She cannot give you her heart when it is broken. Plus it sounds like you really liked this other woman- I go for her and give this other gal time to grieve and heal. Tell her that you'll remain in her life _ as a friend- but that she really needs to sort her own feelings out before starting a romantic relationship with you or anyone else. Good Luck ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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