problem with MIL-to-be

[daintyfairy83]

My bf and I have been dating for over 5 years now and we are planning on sealing the deal soon, probably in a year or 2. Yet I keep running into trouble with my MIL-to-be. How that is so is a really really long story and I could probably publish a book if I told you the whole thing. The bottom line is, she doesn't like me now. It actually fluctuates, whether she likes me or not, depending on her mood. If she feels like it, she thinks I'm the best gf to have for her son. When she's not feeling so well, she thinks I'm a bad influence on her son and basically a witch. She then makes up these reasons to support her theory on why I am a bad influence on him, how I drive her nuts, and why he should leave me.

 

Anyway, that's not really the reason I'm posting here. The point is - my bf has been working for almost 2 full years now. He earns a comfortable living and has a reputable career. The problem is, his mom takes 80% of his salary and invests it on his behalf without his consent. Well, ok, with his consent by forcing it out of him. I asked him how she found out how much he earns. He told me that she opened his mail and saw his contract. She claimed that she had his consent to open his mail - which he did after being forced to. So I asked him how a grown man like him could be forced to consent to such bizarre requests. He said she would bicker at him non-stop from the time he gets off work till the next day when he needs to get to work. She doesn't work so she gets to sleep while he's at work, so she just keeps bugging him throughout the night. He, wanting so much to sleep, said "yes" to shut her up. I told him he needs to move out of her house and start his own life. He said if he does she will blame it all on me for teaching him to be mean to her. Well, the problem with THAT is, my mom will start going mad if she finds out that his mom doesn't like me again - it happened before.

 

So the problem is - I am clueless about what I have to do here, and so is he. How can he regain his own life? I fear that we will have to live under her shadow for as long as she lives. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

:sad:

[Meow18]

Honestly, he is a grown man who needs to shut his mom out of his personal life. Until he realizes this then you are going to have issues.

 

The problem is that he is not a child who needs his money watched or who needs to listen to her just because she is the mother. And it's too bad that her doing this stuff doesn't make him want to move out and have a personal life for himself.

 

Maybe he is worried about his mom, like what would happen if he moved out. Maybe he's just not ready to have complete control over his life. Who knows.

 

The point is, until he's ready, he's not going to do anything about it. And it really doesn't sound like he's ready.

[Meow18]

And what should you do? I guess decide if it's worth hanging around until he realizes it, however long that is.

 

Or maybe you just can't deal with the disrespect from his mom towards you, him, and your relationship anymore. Maybe you need to tell him to let you know when things change?