thouse Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If you have been in NC and the ex makes contact, how do you know if and when you should answer. I would like some reasons for why others decided to take the ex's calls after being in NC. (Also it has only been about 2 weeks it seems he can never go longer than that without making some sort of contact.) Thanks In Advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthDallas40 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I got dumped three weeks ago, and I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to take her calls unless she sends me a email or leaves a voicemail that says she's had a SERIOUS change of heart. Anything less is going to put us back on the same breakup/makeup merry-go-round we were on before. In the meantime, she's texted every weekend (usually around 2am her time) how she misses me & want me back, and has even drunkdialed to say how much she wants me. It's good to know I'm on her mind, but that's a far cry from "I want to seriously work on our relationship" and I never let myself forget that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratsy Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I think the typical answer is "never". You're supposed to be in NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 I got dumped three weeks ago, and I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to take her calls unless she sends me a email or leaves a voicemail that says she's had a SERIOUS change of heart. Anything less is going to put us back on the same breakup/makeup merry-go-round we were on before. In the meantime, she's texted every weekend (usually around 2am her time) how she misses me & want me back, and has even drunkdialed to say how much she wants me. It's good to know I'm on her mind, but that's a far cry from "I want to seriously work on our relationship" and I never let myself forget that. We have been broken up since Aug. and I was in LC up until about 2 weeks ago so yeah I guess if he doesn't leave a message of some sort letting me know what he wants then I will just not return his call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emalkoc Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If you have been in NC and the ex makes contact, how do you know if and when you should answer. I would like some reasons for why others decided to take the ex's calls after being in NC. (Also it has only been about 2 weeks it seems he can never go longer than that without making some sort of contact.) Thanks In Advance call him a day later if you want to GET BACK..if you dont, never call back..Dont ask anything, tell him speak... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 call him a day later if you want to GET BACK..if you dont, never call back..Dont ask anything, tell him speak... I thought about calling a couple of days later, but I would really be pissed if I called and he said something like "Oh I just wanted to see how you are doing" so that is why I am leaning towards only returning his call if he leaves a message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emalkoc Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 if you show, you are pissed he will have more ego boost...If he says what you wrote, then tell him you are doing great. short and positive answer like make him think that your end things are going great... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 if you show, you are pissed he will have more ego boost...If he says what you wrote, then tell him you are doing great. short and positive answer like make him think that your end things are going great... Well right now my ego is rather boosted because I must be on his mind in some way in order for him to call. It's nearing the end of the second week since we last spoke so I knew I would be hearing from him soon, I also stopped going to my family's on the weekend so that probably was a shock for him too, because he could always count on seeing me there. I think I will just leave things as they are knowing that I atleast crossed his mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratsy Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Well right now my ego is rather boosted because I must be on his mind in some way in order for him to call. It's nearing the end of the second week since we last spoke so I knew I would be hearing from him soon, I also stopped going to my family's on the weekend so that probably was a shock for him too, because he could always count on seeing me there. I think I will just leave things as they are knowing that I atleast crossed his mind. You want more than your ego being boosted for being onhis mind, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalcloud13 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 My advice would be to not take the calls at all, not until you're over this guy. I think if it was something really serious, he'd be able to find a way to get his message accross to you. Once you give in and answer his call, you'll see it's nothing important, just a call he had to make to give him a peace of mind that you're still there when he wants you. Then you'll be back at square one, him being satisfied where he is and you not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 My advice would be to not take the calls at all, not until you're over this guy. I think if it was something really serious, he'd be able to find a way to get his message accross to you. Once you give in and answer his call, you'll see it's nothing important, just a call he had to make to give him a peace of mind that you're still there when he wants you. Then you'll be back at square one, him being satisfied where he is and you not. I very much agree with this. He is just wondering why he hasn't heard from me and wants to see if I will talk to him. If it was something important he would have left a message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalcloud13 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Exactly. Anytime you find your feelings wavering, come and we'll recharge your batteries so that you don't give in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I suppose it would depend on how the relationship ended. Also, do you want to establish a friendship or reconciliation with this person? If not, then I wouldn't respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 I suppose it would depend on how the relationship ended. Also, do you want to establish a friendship or reconciliation with this person? If not, then I wouldn't respond. I know I don't want to be friends, and I am not sure if I want reconciliation. Actually at this point I am fine being alone and I just want to be back to my old self. Our relationship didn't really end horribly but I was terribly hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Since I didn't answer the phone when he called does that mean he won't call again. I am not sure what I want at this point but it seemed so much easier to be content with the fact that he wasn't trying to contact me, now that he has I wonder about what he wants. If you were a guy how many times would you try before you gave up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalcloud13 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I guess it differs among each guy and their persistence. Yes, if you don't take his calls, he'll give up whenever he does, and I do not know when that is. Later on, when you least expect, you'll have contact with him, whether it be running into him or him calling you after a long time to see how you are. At that time hopefully you'll have moved on and give off a strong, confident aura. I still think he's trying to contact you because he feels uneasy about you not always being there for him anymore. I would try contacting frequently for about the first month, then on and off maybe once a week thereafter, but if I get no replies, then the periods of time between me sending messages or calling will get longer and longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 I guess it differs among each guy and their persistence. Yes, if you don't take his calls, he'll give up whenever he does, and I do not know when that is. Later on, when you least expect, you'll have contact with him, whether it be running into him or him calling you after a long time to see how you are. At that time hopefully you'll have moved on and give off a strong, confident aura. I still think he's trying to contact you because he feels uneasy about you not always being there for him anymore. I would try contacting frequently for about the first month, then on and off maybe once a week thereafter, but if I get no replies, then the periods of time between me sending messages or calling will get longer and longer. Well we just talked and it didn't go well. He asked me how I was doing, how my son was doing, blah blah blah. Then he said he called two days ago was I not aware of it. I skipped over that question and asked about his boys (a 10 and 11yr old from a previous relationship) and then he brought up the fact that he was still upset that I took his christmas gift back to the store, then he asked me what I was doing later and I asked why, and he was like because I'm asking I told him that I didn't know. Then he talked about some other random stuff and then he again talked about the christmas present, and this is where it took a turn. I then said yeah you are just as upset as I am at the fact that you may have another child on the way (he hooked up with a girl since we've been broken up and she says she's pregnant, he knows that I totally cut my sons father off after he got somebody else pregnant) then there was silence. I then said what is it that you want because you already know how I feel about all of this and I don't see what the point in calling me is? He then said that I just had to work that subject into the conversation, because I'm trying to hurt his feelings. (He's probably right I am very bitter about this) and that he will go and he'd call later to wish my son a Happy B-Day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalcloud13 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 This time you should not pick up until you're well on your way. I just don't see anything good that can come out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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