cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 my niece is 7 years old and over the last 6 months i have really started to notice that im getting feelings of not liking her at all and i feel guilty for feeling this way about a 7 year old child... basically .. my sister has always done things very very proper with my neice... for instance on trips out my sister would take absolutly everything for all weathers and bits n bobs that may be needed and she never ever forgets anything.. i personally thin k its a bit ott but i cant knock her really for taking everything that she could possibly need coz it saves her bacon some of the times. also my sister takes after my mum with being clean... like when my neice was a baby/toddler and was eating, my sister would be continously cleaning her hands and face and surroundings throughout the meal.. where as i just left my daughter till the very end of the meal and then cleaned her up also they have a thing about washing thier hands loads and if one bit of dirt gets on them they sttend to it straight away when my beleif is that kids are supposed to get a bit messy so ive kinda just let my daughter get messy and cleared her up at the end of whatever is happening.... i think the way my sister has been is turning my neice into a bit of a snob and i think sometimes the way she is is a bit bad for a child of 6... my neice is generally alot more grown up then most 6 year olds but i just think alot of the time she is a bit ott.... let me explain i can tel my neice doesnt really like me coz of the way i am.. she never comes up to me and talks to me and if i make convo with her she just turns her nose up at me... i think A- its coz i am not as clean as my sister and my house isnt as clean as thiers ... and B- coz my sister is very sensible and proper but i am always joking around and only adopt sensible approach when i really need to. my neices birthday was 3 months ago and she asked my sister not to let me come as she didnt want me to be silly and ruin her party., was gutted about that but i told everyone i didnt care. there has been a few occasions when she comments on things that arent clean enough at my house..... she washed her hands one day and redused to dry them as she said the towel smelld (i honestly couldnt smell anyting on it but if she said it did then fair enough) my sofas are those type that show up dirt and marks very easily so i have to keep on top of it and clean it a fair amount... one day my neice came over and refused to sit down as the sofas werent clean enough for her and recently... now this is the one that has really made me annoyed.. my mum asked if my sister had been over to see me lately and i said no (she hasnt since summer so a good 4-5 months) my mum said that she thinks she knows why so i asked why and ashe told me its coz my neice said that my house smells and she told me sister she doesnt want to come over again so my sister hasnt come over again becuae of that... i am fuming with my sister that she will let her 7 year old dictate where they can n cant go and its more annoying coz its not coz im dirty that it smells but i have a problem in my living room with dampness and during the summer when it rains when its warm.. i do admit it starts to smell a bit musty but coz of that my sister wont come over now and its down to me to make the effort and get the bus to her place whichi i dont mind doing every now and then at all but my sister drives and i feel she should make an effort to see me 2. my sister is one of these mums that believe that children are human too and you have to take on board and listen to what they say and not jsut dismiss thier requests and tell them they have to do something anyway... buit i really feel my neice is turning into the biggest snob ever and if she is like this and just 7 turning her nose up at me.. i hate to think what she will be like in a few years time. i had a friend over one day when my neice was over who turned round and said to me after "your neice is a bit stuck up isnt she" i felt awful but it proves i am not the only one who has noticed this am i wrong to be feeling the way i do??? should i say anything to my sister and risk the possibility of offending her??? the way i feel right now is i couldnt care less if i didnt talk to my neice again but i feel terrible as she is my only neice as well as being only 7.. but she really is soo stuck up and i have given up trying to be friendly and make convo with her when i can clearly tell she doesnt want to talk to me at all. not sure what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blender Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 You have to try to stop taking anything your niece does "personally" it's just the way she is raised and what she is comfortable with, this is not about you... so again making sure that you are the adult and you can just shrug it off as "well, that's the way she is"... you don't have to "like" her behavior, but you can still love her and accept the fact that she is just "different" than you. Right now she is having a power struggle and attempting to control things that she may find uncomfortable, as much as you are uncomfortable with your sisters constant attention to cleaning and being a bit snobby, well the same goes the other way around, your niece is simply feeling "uncomfortable" with your choice of behavior. And so it goes, so you can teach her acceptance by choosing to accept her as "different" than you. Don't make a deal out of it, just simply stay consistent with who you are and what you are comfortable with, and try to accept her as she is. You are powerless over how she behaves because your sister is choosing to raise her a certain way, and that is her business and it's not about you, it's just your nieces reaction to you..and most likely she will react this way to many others in her life as years go by who may be "different" than her. but the example you can give is to be accepting, and just be proud of who you are and how you choose to live. Taking what a child does personally can drive you crazy.. we all have nieces and nephews that behave differently than the way you might prefer... so just raise your kids as a way that makes YOU proud and happy, and just chalk your sister's ways up to: "well, that's how they do it, and I don't have to like it, but I do love them enough to just accept it, expect it, and leave it at that, it's not about ME, it's just the way they are..they're "different". You can always tell your kids that in life people have many different ways of approaching things, and sometimes we don't always like or agree with their approach but the most important thing is to be proud of how we choose to react to it, gracefully and with acceptance...and if someone else's behavior is disrespectful towards you then you can kindly say, "I'm sorry the way you are behaving doesn't work that way around here, so please be kind enough to not say unkind things to me, because it's not very becoming for you, and I want us to have fun together, you're too sweet to be judging others with such a harsh standard". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 i just think my sister should not let her 7 year old tell her that they cant come to my house any more.. if my daughter said she didnt want to go over to someones house coz its smelt one time id say to stop being so silly and that we were going coz such n such a person is friend/family. i do think its really over the top to let her dictate that and now i can never have my sister over at my house again its my neice who im more annoyed with... my sister isnt that bad that she refuses to sit down on my sofa or dry her hands on the towel... my neice is 100x more intense with all this kinda stuff.... but i do wish my sister would give her a talking to and tell her to stop being so funny with me.... it sfunny though my neice still accepts my xmas n bday present even though she doesnt want to talk to me or come over to my house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 and in responce to the second persons reply... my neice never talks to me at all for me to even tell her she's too sweet to be judging others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilypadgirl Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 It seems like your mom understands the situation. What does she recommend? Maybe she can call for a casual family gathering, like a dinner night or movie night, and have it over at your place (if you're willing to put up with the trouble). Then your sister and family have to go since it's for the grandma. Your neice can see how everyone else doesn't care about the sofa, towel, smell, etc. But I agree with not taking it personally. It's just the way she's been conditioned. She'll mature with age because she'll learn when she has more exposure to the outside world that people don't like obvious snobs/elitists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Are you jealous of her? Your neice sounds fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 that is a great idea.. but like i said... they wont come over to here any more becuase my neice has requested that they dont so thats a spanner in the worls for that... my sister isnt the type of person that would make a child do something by saying ots for granny... she believes in repecting a childs wish. my mum said to me that there must be some truth in it if a 7 year old is saying it. grrr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Sounds like you and your sister are not compatible and as such naturally her child, who is growing up in her footsteps, is going to be incompatible as well. I don't think a child should be disliked because they are mirrors of their parent. But if you are feeling that you dislike her then why are you so upset that she doesn't want to come over often? Now I am not criticizing you because I am not a neat freak, but instead of being totally on the defense do you think there is SOME truth to this? Even seven year olds raised in a very clean environment typically are pretty tolerant of other houses. For instance, if your couch is getting visible dirt stains on it then it probably would look bad to others. If it is that light in color or whatever maybe invest in a slip cover. As for towels, how often do you change them? Do you think the little girl might have a grain of truth to what she says? YOu said you didn't smell anything. We do become immune to smells in our own environment that are very obvious to others. Any smokers who live in the home? If so, and the little girl is not used to the smell then it will make your house smell awful to her. Maybe she doesn't, i just think instead of becoming completely defensive ask if there is any truth to it first. There is a great deal of exaggeration I am sure but exagerration often has at least some basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Oh thats bad, you need to deal with that asap or else it could become worst and not just dislike of ur neice but also your other family member will come to notice ur reaction and they might be against you. Do you have a prblem with the parent of ur niece. Infact if she is doing wrong in any way u should correct her. There is more to this feeling. Get way to talk to your neice, spend time with her, welcome her maybe she might be the one to help u in the long run after all she is only a baby. Poor child 7yrs old. Come on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 im having feelings of dislike coz im not going to get to see my sister so often any more becuase of her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi_Sweet Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 HI...This does sound like a bit of a problem. You should have a face to face talk with your sister, without the presense any kids. Your niece is only acting like that, because that's how she was raised. If you feel like she is acting like a snob, then mention it to your sister, because her attitude could affect her relationships with people in the future. As far as your house goes. Maybe you shouldn't take it so personal? Maybe your niece isn't used to being around messes? If your sister has an obsessive compulsive disorder about cleanliness, then of course her daughter will be affected by that too. My aunt used to be the same exact way. I couldn't even pour my own drinks in her kitchen, without her standing over me, making sure I didn't spill anything. She would come behind me with a rag after I sat my cup down. It was ridiculious, but some people are just like that. Some people are serious clean freaks, and there's just nothing you can do about it. So the next time your sister and her daughter come over, make sure you tidy up a bit. People won't do something if it puts them out of their comfort zone. I hope this helped you? Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 yes im so jealous of my neice you feckin idiot. NOT. why would i want to be a snob??? yuo f-ing prat Because she's cleaner than you are, you dislike her? If anything, she acts more mature than you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 in addition to my last post.. me and my sister would normaly take it in turns to see each other... like id get the bus to her house and then next time she would drive over. i cant afford to have to get the bus over to her so often coz its so expensive and i have to get 2 busses which take an hour and half coz they go all round the houses.. when she drives it takes about 20-25mins so its alot easier for her. so i know to be able to see my sister now i have to be the one makign all the effort (apart from family occasions at my mums which dont happen very often at all and its not as if i cant talk abotu private sister sort of things at those either) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I haven't read most of this post yet, but there's a few things I'd recommend to you if you really want to get back at this cheeky 7 year old. First, make up a rumor. You know, just start gossiping that you think you saw your niece out with little 7 year old stud from a rival elementary school, and that you saw then holding hands in the back of his big wheel. Next, when your niece is drinking her grape juice, casually mention that that's not a very good year for those kinds of grapes and "Do you really still drink that stuff? That's soooo last year." Then, open a bottle of your best Pinot and start to really rub it in by showing how much of a wine snob you can be. Next, talk about 401ks and investing tips with some of your friends while your niece is in the room with you. Mention your retirement, how much you've already got saved, and you may even drop something about "the lake house" you're looking at. That should make her nervous, but you'll really seal the deal with her if you ask her about how her mutual fund has done this year. When she responds with "Mommy, what's a moootooal fun?" then just start laughing to yourself subtly, but rather uncontrollably and point at her. Finally, throw a really fancy party. In the invite to your neice, make sure to tell her that it's a costume party, and that the theme is "South American Drug Cartel". However, here's the rub, it won't really be a costume party, but just a normal get together. So, when your nieve comes prancing in on her little high horse, dressed like some Sandinista rebel fighter with a cocaine mustache and toy machine gun, oh my... will the joke be on her. She will be soooooo embarrased. 7 years old just hate dressing up by themselves, and not looking like everyone else. Did this all sound ridiculous to you? It should. Your neice is 7. She's a child. She is not your equal. Acting jealous over a child is akin to telling the world that that's how you see yourself... as a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 yes im so jealous of my neice you feckin idiot. NOT. why would i want to be a snob??? yuo f-ing prat You do realize that this little thread, and alll of your tantrums are likely to get you banned right? Once a mod sees this, you're toast. Of course, since this quip didn't add to the thread, it will get deleted as well. You've broke several rules in this post alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 oh pi$$ off you ignorant little 17 year old no i dont want to be over the top clean where i dont want to sit down on a friends sofa coz of a little mark of dirt.... f-that for a game of soldiers... thats boredring obsessive and i deff wouldnt liek to be liek that at all I'm 6'1, 185 lbs. I'd watch who you call little if i were you. I'm not the one useing the insults. Shows who's the more mature one. Back to subject... If you don't like what a 7 year old does, then tell your sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 and thanks to everyone else who has offered decent advice without saying stupid things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 I'm 6'1, 185 lbs. I'd watch who you call little if i were you. I'm not the one useing the insults. Shows who's the more mature one. Back to subject... If you don't like what a 7 year old does, then tell your sister. are yuo threatening me??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 yes im so jealous of my neice you feckin idiot. NOT. why would i want to be a snob??? yuo f-ing prat after reading this, I don't blame your niece nor your sister one bit for not coming over, you seem to have a very harsh sense of reality when it comes to your niece.. SHE IS 7 for crying out loud! She's only acting the way she was raised, my son is the same way and he's only 2 1/2. I'm sure you would call me a prude and snob too but I can't stand anything remotely dirty and you guessed it! My son is the same way but you know what, he goes to places and doesn't mind. I don't think it's a sense of your place being dirty as much as your niece probably senses that you don't like her and she doesn't really want to be near you, do you much blame her? Even you say you dislike her. Kids can pick up these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 lol niceeee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I'm 6'1, 185 lbs. I'd watch who you call little if i were you. I'm not the one useing the insults. Shows who's the more mature one. Back to subject... If you don't like what a 7 year old does, then tell your sister. Honestly man, you came on here and accused a grown person of being jealous of a 7 year old. That's an insult. Maybe back out of the thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 are yuo threatening me??? You called me little. i proved you wrong. I'm taller and every way superior to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 oh pi$$ off you ignorant little 17 year old no i dont want to be over the top clean where i dont want to sit down on a friends sofa coz of a little mark of dirt.... f-that for a game of soldiers... thats boredring obsessive and i deff wouldnt liek to be liek that at all im annoyed coz i havnt seen my sister so much lately... why dont you read the thread before you start making pathetic asumptions Please, mature just alittle bit before you start calling people "ignorant" after all you are the one hating a 7 year. That is just ridiculous, as I said in my last post it probably has little to do with your niece having a problem with how clean you are rather it's probably your attitude that is scaring her away. I wouldn't want to be around anyone that I sensed hated me either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Honestly man, you came on here and accused a grown person of being jealous of a 7 year old. That's an insult. Maybe back out of the thread? I'm not the only one who acused this "grown" person of being jealous ya know. girl gets jealous of a 7 year old child because they're much tider than they are and don't want them around her because they're silly.. gimme a break.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheekychic Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 and when did i once say i wanted to get back at my neice or that im jealous.... im annoyed becuase my sister is letting her stop us from seeing each other so much. how is that jealousy??? i would never let my daughter stop me from seeing family even if she thought someones hosue wasnt up to scratch. thats like saying ... "yes daughter yuo can dictate where we go and what we do even if i have to lose out on seeing family becuase of it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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