thouse Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I am just so tired of being sad, but I don't know what to do about it. My ex is a family friend so unless I stop going to my family's for awhile that would be the only way I could do NC effectively. I have been in LC with him since August(meaning I only communicate with him when he initiates contact). He tells me that he loves me, knows he has made a mistake by not being with me, but feels like we could never be happy together in the city we presently live because my family is really not approving of our relationship and make things difficult for us. Then the kicker is Friday he tells me that a girl he was hooking up with says she is pregnant. I lose it at first naturally because I am hurt, but the next day I text him telling him I am wrong to react like that because we are not together so really it has no bearing on me. I just want to be out of this hell but I am not sure how to get out. We have been friends for 15 years and dated for 4 years. Any suggestions would be appreciated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAB1234 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. After reading the above i think the best solution for you is to establish NC and stop seeing your family in the short-term. This will hopefully enable you to heal first and then focus on yourself and what you want from life. You need to strenghten your self-esteem by doing the things you enjoy doing. What are your goals, aspirations, dreams etc...? Focus on yourself. hit the gym. Need to keep yourself busy which will give you less time to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropy Smith Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Cut him off emotionally. When you see him or he initiates contact give general rubber stamp answers and be civil but be indifferent and end the communication as soon as possible. As far as the phone, caller id is for screening out those who you left behind. This kind of treatment will cause a surge in his attention toward you. Survive that little surge with the same indifference (at least pubilically) and he'll be out of your life. The one who cares the least in a relationship wields the power. Its time to turn the tables. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Cut him off emotionally. When you see him or he initiates contact give general rubber stamp answers and be civil but be indifferent and end the communication as soon as possible. As far as the phone, caller id is for screening out those who you left behind. This kind of treatment will cause a surge in his attention toward you. Survive that little surge with the same indifference (at least pubilically) and he'll be out of your life. The one who cares the least in a relationship wields the power. Its time to turn the tables. I've been acting like nothing bothers me, when really I have been slowly dying. The day he told me that the girl is pregnant I totally lost it. No crying or anything but I was loud and using swear words all the feelings and anger I had buried down definitely came out. I just thought about maybe turning my phone off at nights and staying away from my family for awhile, I just want to feel better. I am so tired if feeling bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. After reading the above i think the best solution for you is to establish NC and stop seeing your family in the short-term. This will hopefully enable you to heal first and then focus on yourself and what you want from life. You need to strenghten your self-esteem by doing the things you enjoy doing. What are your goals, aspirations, dreams etc...? Focus on yourself. hit the gym. Need to keep yourself busy which will give you less time to think. I did that before and I thought I was strong, but as soon as I see him all the feelings come back, and then he compounds that by telling me how he still loves me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAB1234 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 apart from chaging the past, what exactly do you want? do you want him even after knowing all the above? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 apart from chaging the past, what exactly do you want? do you want him even after knowing all the above? I am not really sure. I think it has more to do with me. I have an 8 year old son. My sons father still tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, yet he has a son with another woman, and now this, it's like time is repeating itself. It took all I had to get to the point I am at now in regards to my sons father, and I just don't know that I could do it again. It just makes me wonder what is wrong with me??? Two men that I loved deeply and both still claim to love me but have both gotten other women pregnant. It just hurts almost like I am not good enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAB1234 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I am not really sure. I think it has more to do with me. I have an 8 year old son. My sons father still tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, yet he has a son with another woman, and now this, it's like time is repeating itself. It took all I had to get to the point I am at now in regards to my sons father, and I just don't know that I could do it again. It just makes me wonder what is wrong with me??? Two men that I loved deeply and both still claim to love me but have both gotten other women pregnant. It just hurts almost like I am not good enough. Honestly think you need to "find yourself" first, heal and get stronger. If you get involved again with any of these guys again now you'll only end up sabotaging the r'ship with all the negative feelings you currently have inside your head. take time out and focus on urself and not r'ships. focus on career, jealth, goals, interests/hobbies etc..amd build up your self-esteem. once you;re stronger you can then decide. now is not the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Honestly think you need to "find yourself" first, heal and get stronger. If you get involved again with any of these guys again now you'll only end up sabotaging the r'ship with all the negative feelings you currently have inside your head. take time out and focus on urself and not r'ships. focus on career, jealth, goals, interests/hobbies etc..amd build up your self-esteem. once you;re stronger you can then decide. now is not the time I work a full-time job, and I am a full-time student working on my Bachelors so I have plenty on my plate, and I am not trying to be in a relationship with either one of them. My last ex tells me he loves me but doesn't make any moves to try again, I just want to not feel any hurt, I just want to be left alone and not be depressed and hurt all the time. I know eventually I will get to that place. Because now I feel like I am not really living life but just doing enough to go back to bed at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I am bumping my topic, I really could use some advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I really understand what you are going through. Maybe for a little while and I know this sounds horrible BUT you should go to your families when he is not there. They should respect the fact that you are going through a tough time. I think also you should not talk about other people with him. He may be trying to hurt you in a weird but true way. It is hard if you keep talking to him. I am currently under the same scenario. I only contact my ex if I need to and for me it sucks because we have some bills together and if I could pay them off without him I would but I cant. It is hard that you guys were friends for 15 yrs but if you could move on emotionally and mentally now then maybe and I repeat maybe you can become friends again. Do you feel that things will not work with you two. Who initiated the split? be a strong women and take care of yourself reacqauint yourself with yourself everyone needs to do that after a relationship because people tend to get lost. Find somethings you would like to change for the next relationship and what you would keep the same. Because when it comes (your next relationship) you want to be ready and it will come but not if you are talking to him about his mishaps!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I think things could work out between us, but he seems to think differently. We split up because he was going through some personal issues in his life and he wanted to be alone, he also felt like my family would strain our relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 It is relly important then to understand that what he is doing is not because of you and in your mind you have to be mentally strong to live your life and not look back. If things come around again in the future then you will be smarter and wiser to know if you want to go with it. PLEASE do not sit around and wait for him to realize what he had.........put it out there and allow other people to find out what you have. “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. Tennyson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 It is relly important then to understand that what he is doing is not because of you and in your mind you have to be mentally strong to live your life and not look back. If things come around again in the future then you will be smarter and wiser to know if you want to go with it. PLEASE do not sit around and wait for him to realize what he had.........put it out there and allow other people to find out what you have. “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. Tennyson Yes, he has told me that what is happening doesn't have anything to do with me, but it just seems like more than a coincidence. I don't plan on waiting on him as he as already told me that he knows he made a mistake by leaving me yet he has not made any moves in terms of reconciliation, I know that I have to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 He will keep telling y ou those things because he knows you still love him and want to be with him. he wants to keep you to himself and make sure he has his hold on you. If he knew that it was him and not you then be a man and let it go!!!!!! next time you speak to him tell him you dot want to hear those things....what is the point nothing is changing. That will give you the ability to move on. And I know deep down inside you think that he will come back and there is no reason not to hope that but make sure it is not holding you back. what you say and do are two different things. You can say that you are not waiting but the only yone who knows the truth is you. "Hope is the last thing to go, but hope is what keeps you going!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 It's just hard for me to believe that he would jerk me around like that, but it does make sense. I don't want to have hope I just want to move on so that I can be happy again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I tried to respond to your PM, but I kept getting an error. Anyhow this what I said in it. Please tell me how to step it up and show my cards because I am totally lost. It's funny but I am very intelligent when it comes to book smarts, but I am lost when it comes to this kind of stuff. I want to turn things around on him but I don't know how I will definitely see him. He is always around if I don't see him it will be because I am not around but that sucks as my family are really my only friends, also I don't want to seem like a coward. He will probably contact me before the week is over. I never contact him but if he doesn't hear from me then he calls (probably just to see if I'm still around). Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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