Ed1 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hi, I have just started dating a girl - we really get on well, and have been seeing a lot of each other over the past couple of weeks. A couple of months before we started dating she asked my age - I said I was 33 (I am actually 34). At the time this was not a big deal as I was not seeing her etc. There is an age gap between us - she is 27, and I know that this concerns her a little. Not in the sense that she is bothered about it impacting our relationship - physically or emotionally, but for what her friends / family will think. Now that we are seeing each other, and are building what I would consider a relationship, I feel that I should tell her that I am infact 12 months older. I am really worried though that this may upset her a) because the age gap will be 7 years vs 6 years, and b) because she may feel that I have lied to her. I don't consider this to be a big lie, and it is only 2 months, but just wanted some advice. Am I best keeping it quiet, and carry on as is? Do I tell her- if so, how should I approach the situation? From a girls perspective - what do you feel will be her feelings on the situation - will she be hurt? I would never lie to her now that I know her, I really like her, and respect her - hence my feelings now.... Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks, Ed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 i'd wait this out til she asks again. then say the real number. like when your b-day comes around if you are still together. be like 'uhhh, the big 3-5.' i don't think she would have a problem with it if you just flat out told her. but why did you say 33 versus 34? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hi, I really don't know - she was asking if I was the same age as a couple of mates at work - who are 33. She had heard I was older, and I just said no, we are the same age. She has asked since....and I did keep to the original 33. It is a really small lie, but I do care for her now, and don't want to lie to her in anyway. Sure things may not work out, but she has had a rough trot with b/f of past, and I really want to treat her right etc. I also don't want to betray her trust. I am just really scared that she will be upset that I have lied to her, and as we are only just into the relationship may call things off, which is probably me being over sensitive, but I don't want to loose her....especially for the sake of 12 months. My birthday is in 2 months also, so it is bound to come up....I could keep up the story, but don't want to... Ed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoopy24 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Umm..well it's not a big difference. I don't think 33 sounds all that much younger than 34. It's not like you said you were 25. But I wouldn't say anything. If you told me you lied, I would think you are a liar, and would lie about other things. (no offense) Don't continue saying you are 33 though. Next time it is brought up for whatever reason say you are 34 and when she says "I thought you were 33" tell her no and that you never said that haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yes, but I still feel bad about it.... She sort of mentioned it again yesterday, when she said her Mum would not be too happy with her going out with 'an older man' I just joked and said 38.....Lol but it is playing on my mind...... I just don't want to screw up something that could be potentially really good over something as relatively trivial as 12 months age difference.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hey Ed If I were you I would clear the air sooner rather than later. In a couple of months you will jump from "33" to 35. I'd use the line that you were so into her and so eager to be her boyfriend that you didn't want your age to be an issue. Your age gap is nothing - it really is. Don't lie to your GF over anything - let alone something so petty. Lies have a habit of circling round behind you and biting you hard on the a$$! Take care mate. Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 well, wait til it comes up again. next time, tell your real age. guys shouldn't be lying about this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoopy24 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 well, wait til it comes up again. next time, tell your real age. guys shouldn't be lying about this stuff. And girls should be? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I know I shouldn't be worried about it, and I know that I shouldn't be 'lying' about it.....this is just something that started off as a random comment when we were not together, but now that we are, it is important to me that we are both honest and truthful to each other. To me I have 2 options...... Sit her down and tell her I am 34 - explain why I said I was 33, that it has been playing on my mind, I want to be truthful etc now that we have started a relationship etc.... My problem with this is that she may then think I am a liar, which is not the case.... Or, wait until we talk about birthdays etc, and then tell her, and explain as per above. My concern with this option is that I don't want to be percieved as keeping this from her for any longer than I need to..... I am so scared that this is going to stuff things up for us.....I really like this woman, I care for her, and really think we could have something good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 And girls should be? lol well yeah. i expect it sometimes. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yeah, you should tell her. A year is not a big difference, but if you DON'T tell her and you continue dating it IS going to come out and I guarantee the longer someone waited to clear this with me the more disappointed I would be (and wonder what else they were lying about?). If you wait until she ASKS again, well she might not until she finds out you lied. I mean, I would never need to ask someone AGAIN something they told me about themselves - they already told me and I accept that as the truth (and have a good enough memory to not forget). Tell her you felt put on the spot, and when she referenced the friends at work you lumped yourself in with them (because face it, after a certain point you do often just stop keeping track, I some days think I am 26 or 27, other days think I am 29...HA!) since it was similar. Little lies have a habit of escalating and biting you in the behind later - come clean now. And don't lie about such things in future. Honestly, if she turned you down because you were 34 (and not 33) when it first came up, well, that's that, right and she would not be worth pursuing it for you anyway, right. We are all allowed to have boundaries - but don't lie so they cross boundaries they did not want too. Personally, I would be more inclined to turn someone down for continously lying about something innocuous than a year off their age than I had "thought" in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brightest Dark Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 One year is no big deal. If you tell her I'm sure she'll be fine with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 RayKay - how would you broach this with her though? Do you think she is likely to be really disappointed with me? It is so stupid, it is not like I said I was 29 or 30, but it is not something that I would like to continue to have her believe that I am 33 (or nearly 34) opposed to 34 (and nearly 35). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 'omg, i can't believe i'm going to be 35 this year.' then let out a sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 That might not be the most subtle of appoaches....given that I have told her I am 33! Or maybe it could be done in a jestful way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 As I said, tell her you are sorry but you got caught up in the moment when she made that comment about your coworkers and without thinking of it said you were the same age, and you are sorry but you really were worried she would hold your age against you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosee Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I would just say, "hey ..., I have to confess something to you, I'm actually a little older than I said, I'm 34. I said 33 without thinking at first and then I didn't tell you my real age because you were worried about the age gap. I'm really sorry and I wanted to be straight up with you, I hope you're ok with it". Maybe something like that? Anyway it's not a big age gap, she's not a 20 yr old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 tell her you are really 28. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetharmony Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 tell her you are really 28. lol. that is funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetharmony Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 just come clean, dude. you need to. it will eat you up to lie like that and it is not a good basis for a relationship. if she finds out from others, she will think you've lied about other stuff. just say it like this, hey, i know the age thing really bothers and you and I understand, but I have to tell you, when you asked me if I was 33 like the other guys and I said yes, I am the same age, I meant that I was around that age. I am 34 and I know that may be difficult but I just wanted you to know that I don't want to hide anything from you b/c I care about you too much.. and from then on...stop it...the age gap is no big deal. she is 27... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PixelPusher Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yeah, come clean. If she gets upset over 12-months then I don't know what to tell you. I'd say something like: "I know I told you I was 33 but I'm really 34. I know it sounds stupid and it's not a big difference but I feel I need to tell you. When we first started going out, I felt like maybe me being older than you would be a problem for you and I just blurted the first thing that came to mind. I'm sorry." I agree with the others... it's not like you told her you were 28. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ftheunion Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Honesty is the best policy. Just say you have to admit something as it was on your concience. Then tell her your full birth day and say you are 34 instead of 35. She will be glad you came clean rather than wait a very long time. I don't think she would actually get furious. Just tell her you didn't wanna seem older than all her friends and the age gap and her family's opinion matters too you. If you show your concern, then you can talk it through and resolve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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