Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Hey it's me again.. sorry. Anyway, I continue to find myself in a delicate and precarious situation. Background for those who don't know. 1.She broke up with me in september 2.it's been 3 months 3.WEnt NC a couple times, each time she came back 4.I found out she had a bf in november.. she tried to hide it from me 5.She said she moved part way in with him and still stays at her moms 6. Two weeks ago she came back to me and told me she missed me, she reminissed, said we really know each other well etc.. 7.She nervously asked me out for coffee.. I accepted 8.Went for coffee, it was good, she flirted a bit, asked for a hug 9.Two days later she came online to tell me her bf is an alchoholic and drank a 2/6 before coming to her house.. and taht this is his first break down since shes been with him. 10.She sends me texts every couple days, asking me whats up, and saying she has lots of free time etc. 11.Last night she texts "whats new friend?" I have not responded Note: at coffee, she said things like "you'r a forgiving person" and when talking about my other friend she said "maybe he wants you back...... you should make the first move" garbage like that. What do you think she wants? I think there may be interest left in her.. and she is scared to come out and tell me. The whole "friend" thing she said last night is weird... but understandable beucase she has a bf and also at coffee I told her My ex ex wanted to get back together with me and I said "hell no" to her because i despise cheaters. So .. is she pulling the friend card out for an excuse to keep in contact with me so she makes me think shes not cheating on her bf? I duno................ I think il respond but be more vague than I have been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 She's sounds a little confused. Maybe you will be better off without her in your life completely... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 It could be she wants you back but is doing the 'Tarzan' routine - not letting go of one vine as she swings through the jungle until she has the next vine in her hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I don't know... I for one can't do all the game playing... me I would just outright ask her... "are you looking for a way for us to try again?" See what happens... wouldn't you rather know than be on this board trying to interpet what she is saying??? Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 It could be she wants you back but is doing the 'Tarzan' routine - not letting go of one vine as she swings through the jungle until she has the next vine in her hand. That's a really good analogy! I could see that as a possibility. Maybe she does want me back, but wants to be certain I have interest.... beucase if she puts herself on the line to get me back and I say (in her mind) shes not gonna have either. She is someone who is afraid to be alone. I don't think there has been a long period of time where she has been single. I was her longest bf and most steady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 That's a really good analogy! I could see that as a possibility. Maybe she does want me back, but wants to be certain I have interest.... beucase if she puts herself on the line to get me back and I say (in her mind) shes not gonna have either. She is someone who is afraid to be alone. I don't think there has been a long period of time where she has been single. I was her longest bf and most steady. What about this other guy though?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 What about this other guy though?? What about him? Maybe shes trying to be sure i still love her and would take her back before she would potentially come back to me? I think she did this routine before when she broke up with me. i had a suspicion of her hanging out with a guy that had interest in her when things were seemingly fine...... and she held on to me for a while... and came back to me for actually a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 That's a really good analogy! I could see that as a possibility. Maybe she does want me back, but wants to be certain I have interest.... beucase if she puts herself on the line to get me back and I say (in her mind) shes not gonna have either. She is someone who is afraid to be alone. I don't think there has been a long period of time where she has been single. I was her longest bf and most steady. The ex's I'm in contact always call me and get all flirty and lovey-dovey when something hasn't gone right with another guy... or when something has gone absurdly right with another guy. It's either/or. That's just how it goes. We all do that though. I do it too. People grab what they can when they fall. It doesn't make them a bad person. And when they're happy and in love then they feel like they have happiness and love aplenty and want to share. And if they know you still pine for them and love them then of course you'll be the first person they think about. It's human nature. So, don't look at it like "she's using you" because she's just being human and looking for emotional shelter. It's completely within your power to end that if you want. I do think that dropping "friend" is pretty key. However, I do that too with women I'm also attracted to just to diffuse any awkwardness sometimes. I do that all the time with a particular friend of mine, but if the circumstances were right, she's be anything but just a friend to me. As for the vine analogy, it could also mean that she's holding on to you still, that you're the current vine and not the next vine. That's the other way to look at it. She has to hold onto some vine because she's not willing to drop all the way back down to the jungle floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 What about him? Maybe shes trying to be sure i still love her and would take her back before she would potentially come back to me? I think she did this routine before when she broke up with me. i had a suspicion of her hanging out with a guy that had interest in her when things were seemingly fine...... and she held on to me for a while... and came back to me for actually a week. That's not fair too you? She shouldn't have the choice to come back to you or stay with that guy. What kind of respect is that for you? She either wants to be with you or NOT?? Maybe I'm missing something here, but it sounds like she is playing games. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of playing games.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 So you think the 'friend" thing is key.. becuase you feel she might actually just want to be my friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 That's not fair too you? She shouldn't have the choice to come back to you or stay with that guy. What kind of respect is that for you? She either wants to be with you or NOT?? Maybe I'm missing something here, but it sounds like she is playing games. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of playing games.. Neither am I. And that's why i'm not playing games. I want a clear cut answer.. but i'm afraid to be upfront about it beucase she reacts badly to it and I may just get an answer that isn't the truth or something i dont' want to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinkstoohard Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 It could be she wants you back but is doing the 'Tarzan' routine - not letting go of one vine as she swings through the jungle until she has the next vine in her hand. This is what my friends and I refer to as the "Monkey Girls"... Swing from one vine to the next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 So you think the 'friend" thing is key.. becuase you feel she might actually just want to be my friend? The odds are pretty good that if a woman calls you "friend" that that's exactly how she sees you. In fact, it's rarely said without purpose or intent. Saying friend often enough can sometimes make a woman hope that she'll never have to drop the dreaded "just a friend". If that's really the way she's saying it, and you can be pretty confident that this is true, the VERY best way to deal with this is to give in, and I mean completely. Start calling her "friend" as well. In fact, openly talk about how you make great friends but were a crappy couple. Also, talk about other women. Do everything with her as if she was "just a friend" and nothing more. Think she'll be relieved that you've taken this approach because now she won't have to let you down? She won't. The opposite will be true. You'll take away her backup plan, and she'll no longer be able to take you or your feelings for granted. If you really want to know how she truly feels, then this would be your approach. If she says nothing about it, and stops flirting then you can be pretty sure that she's completely over you and that it really was all just a game. However, many people don't want to find this out. They'd rather live with not knowing, imagining that, like you have, their ex is still secretly in love with them but just can't bring themselves to say the words out of fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Neither am I. And that's why i'm not playing games. I want a clear cut answer.. but i'm afraid to be upfront about it beucase she reacts badly to it and I may just get an answer that isn't the truth or something i dont' want to hear. Well then, sorry to say, but you're in denial.....If you don't think she wants to be with you, then she probably doesn't. But, maybe you shouldn't assume and just ask her? That would be the less complicated thing to do, instead of being at her back and call to try and win her over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 That's not fair too you? She shouldn't have the choice to come back to you or stay with that guy. What kind of respect is that for you? She either wants to be with you or NOT?? Maybe I'm missing something here, but it sounds like she is playing games. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of playing games.. I am with fruitylips on this. She is playing games. As far as asking her about getting back together...don't even bother as long as she is with the other guy. If she is such and emotional basket case that she can't let go of one before she has someone else lined up, then why would you want to be with someone that unstable. I mean really, if she is testing the waters with you...that means she is emotionally cheating on the guy she is now with. If he is that much of a loser, why isn't she cutting him loose. Is she so messed up that having a loser is better than being alone? Do you really want someone this messed up? Do you want to be with someone who could potentially be scouting for a new opportunity while with you...maybe that is how she landed up with this guy, and now she is finding out that he is not so great, so she is trying to swing back to you, but keep one foot back with him just in case it is a no go with him. She is most definitely not concerned about your interests...she is only looking out for herself. Let this one go....she will cause you nothing but heartache and she clearly has not learned anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 This is what my friends and I refer to as the "Monkey Girls"... Swing from one vine to the next! I think there are lots of "Monkey Guys" out there as well!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Fair enough. I have been distant and not willing to talk to her about the issues in her life.. I have just ignored them completely. This "friend" thing is the first time shes said this.. matybe she wants to be able to open up to me and this is her way? And this after... her flirting, saying she misses me, wanting to hang out, saying how crappy her bf is etc..... something doesnt add up to just "friends" to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinkstoohard Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I think there are lots of "Monkey Guys" out there as well!! I can't disagree. Me and my buddies usually talk about girls, though!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Ok I am going to be realistic. The only reason ex's still communicate is 3 reasons, (1) you are still in love/or have feelings and emotions for one another (2) you have children together or (3) you are still sleeping with each other. My motto is this"If we can't be lovers then we can't be friends" simple. Time doesn't go back it goes forward but when you've found that special person it seems as if time just stops! Go with your instinct! Don't let these people make your mind up for you-you put the cape on, put the S on your chest and make it hot. You still care about this girl despite the fact of her being inconsistent and I think that the fact of her never being single intriques you alot. She is offical and trust she knows what she is doing. You just better make sure you understand her intentions or else you will be left in the cold with a thin sweater. All I can say is talk to her and give her time. I agree with another poster who said to switch it up and agree to the "friend" idea and actually out smart her. She is slick I must admit so just use caution and beat her at her own game. The only way you can and will be able to get her heart is to win her over. For her it is a game and it is fun to her because she is never alone-but she has to learn that she can't have her cake and eat it too because this is not the perfect world and she needs to understand that other people's feelings count. I was one in the same but it comes a time when all the superficial things fade away and you need something concrete to anchor you in Good Luck ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Exactly, he's setting himself up for failure and doing it over and over again and again...It's quiet ridiculous for her to have someone else lined up, before she has let him go...WOW...There's your answer crows, what you do with it, is beyond anyone here..All we can do is try and steer you in the proper direction, but if you don't follow, our advice is as good as nothing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Well she just texted me again asking me for about the 4th time when my roomate is getting married. She wanted to live with me for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Well she just texted me again asking me for about the 4th time when my roomate is getting married. She wanted to live with me for a long time.You make it seem as if she wants somewhere to live to get away from her current b/f rather than wanting to live with you because she wants you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 You make it seem as if she wants somewhere to live to get away from her current b/f rather than wanting to live with you because she wants you. Well i really have no clue. I have no doubt that she loved me and cares for me etc. And... I really don't know. I... and she only found out about me having to find somewhere else or a new roomate in the past week... and she was apperently making those attempts IE... out for coffee, flirting before she knew all of this. The original plan when we were dating was to move in with her, at her moms house and live in the basement, pay rent etc. I think she's starting to realize she made a mistake moving half in with this guy now... that's just what I get from this. From the sidelines, their relationship does not seem serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 She just popped online again, and we are having small chit chat. Whenever I ask her how she is these days she just says "about the same" Same since what? your bf came over after drinking a 2/6 of alchy? When is she ever going to realize.. I just.. cannot for my hearts sake put my neck out again.. she has to bring things up if she wants to reconcile at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crows Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 Ok shes reminissing again.............................. she said "Im bored.. i want something interesting to happen" I said in general or.. today? and she said "in general" She then joked about watching porn........... then she said "wanna come over and watch some porn" I said "lol" and no response........ im confused. She asks me one more time, im gonna ask her "what about your bf" Ok.. I she said she wasnt serious..................... now she keeps implying things again like she wants to hang out agian...... "my phone has no games" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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