Dealing with the "NEWS"

[houdini]

Hell everyone and happy holidays!!!

 

For those of you who dont know my story I will give you a short version:

 

I was with my ex for about 5yrs broke up a year ago do to a long distance relationship hardships. We lived together for 2 of those 5yrs and we have a 4yr old son together. She lives in Nevada I live in California. She left me last january with the good ol "I love you but not in love with you" and pretty much blamed me for everything that went wrong in the relationship. Her exact words is "You chipped away at my love for you until it was all gone, with your indifference and lack of love" Well during this year we had a family trip together, met eachother and spent a couple days together and I thought that things were on track to get back together wheni realized she wasn't wililng to put in any effort to help build our relationship back. I decided a few months ago to let go until she was ready to try again. Fast forward to today and this is where my question or problem lays!!

 

My question/problem is, how do I deal with the news that she's dating somenoe or talking to someone? I called my ex yesterday to talk to my son and he was acting up a bit and she got on the phone and my son asked if my ex was talking to "John" which I automatically assumed is the "NEW" guy. I'm scheduled to go visit him next week after new years to take him his xmas presents and to spend a couple of days with him. I'm just really scared to find out that it is true. My ex last night didnt say much and kind of acted sarcastic when my son asked her if it was john. My ex then told me that our son has been saying he didnt want to go with me and that he wanted my ex to come with us to spend time together. I didnt say anything when she told me this and it seemed as if she wanted to stay on the phone but I said goodbye and that I would call him again later and hung up politely.

 

Since yesterday i've been wanting to call her or text her to see if she is indeed seeing or talking to someone or not. Should I act indifferent and act as if I dont care or should I find out? what would be the best way to handle the situation because I know she wants me to find out and make me jealous.

 

Any advice on how to deal with this mess is greatly appreciated as I can't get any sleep and have been thinking about this all day yesterday and today.

 

Thank you,

 

Houdini

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The point is that if you are broken up and living in different states and not actively working to reconcile, sooner or later she will be with someone else (and so will you).

 

How you deal with it is to recognize that you either need to be actively talking about what it would take to be together, or actively working on recognizing that it is over and you need to get on with your life. It is easy to get stuck in limbo with hopes of being together, but if the two of you aren't working on it, then sooner or later one or both will start dating and find a new partner.

 

So i think rather than focusing on 'the other guy', focus your efforts on whether there is a chance of a real reconciliation with her. if so, talk to her and work on it. if not, don't focus on what she is doing romantically, focus on your own dating life and start getting out there and looking.

[houdini]

Thank you for the response,

 

Most recently I did tell her how I felt about her. I told her what I wanted for us and that I hope we could work things out but she basically said it was to late that she cares about me but not in love with me anymore. She says that I chipped away at her love for me and that when she wanted to work on things slowly I walked away because it wasnt going my way. I dont agree with that because when two people reconcile it takes double the effort after a breakup to reinforce the new committment and the reconciliation. She gave no effort other than answering my phone calls, text messages or emails... she put no effort in at all... so I chose to back away until she was willing to give me back the same 100%. Since doing that she says I'm the one that chose to close the door this last time and it's my fault, she doesnt want to take any blame or responsiblity or anything that went wrong with us but expects me to shoulder the blame.

 

I dont want to focus on the other guy situation and I want to focus on our son that we have together but when you still harbor feelings for your ex partner it's hard to avoid those feelings of hurt and rejection. I want us to get back together but then again I don't control her actions or feelings and sometimes I feel like I'm going to settle for someone that I truly don't love because the one I truly love has left me.

 

I just hope one day that she realizes what she's done to me, to our son and to our families. But then again maybe to her she's happy and made the right decision, I guess in some cases the grass IS greener on the other side.

 

 

Houdini