kekep Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 hi all, a few months ago i went out with my good friend and her married co-worker. the next day, the co-worker asked my friend for my screenname, and began talking to me when i signed on. it weirded me out at little, but i figured, if my friend is cool with the guy, then i have nothing to be worried about. so i've talked to him fairly regularly online, and over time he's admitted to me that he and his wife are having issues (she wants to have children and he doesn't) and that they're in therapy. heavy stuff. in addition, he tells me all the time that he "likes me a lot", and if he weren't in his current situation he'd "like to hang out more to get to know me better." his current situation being that he's married. he has made some other remarks in the past that have made me uncomfortable, for instance that "the next time he sees me he's going to kiss me." when i told my friend about it, she said he was probably kidding with me and that he joked like that with her too. to me, it's weird and inappropriate. at first i didn't mind talking to him as it did seem like we had things in common and could be friends, but i'm concerned now that he's developed romantic feelings for me and that those feelings are clouding his judgment. i do not return his feelings AT ALL. my instincts are telling me not to speak to this guy anymore but 1) i'm worried about my friend who works with him and 2) he's got my screenname and email address at work. is there a way to go about this without causing loads of drama?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kekep Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 the truth being...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dont_know_what_2_say Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 talk to him and let him know that you don't think its appropriate the way he talks to you and that you think its best if you guys stop talking. and honestly just block him after this, because its not good to get involved in a marriage, and if the guy is having some problems,and like you said you have no feelings towards him (and even if you did), its really not good to be in between. so just tell him its not appropriate and then just stop talking to him. if your friend tells you anything just explain to her how you don't feel comfortable about talking to a married guy that's telling you he wants to kiss you ... ( even if its a joke) ????? your friend might be o.k with that, but you're not (which is a good thing!), so just stop contact with him, its the best thing you can do. no matter what he says, or if he pleads with you, just do it, you don't owe him anything, and the way he is behaving is sure not going to help save his marriage... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flower99 Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Yeah honestly I'd tell him the truth, that he's being inappriopriate & disrespectful to his wife by saying these things to you. And you not comfortable with it. he's a nice guy & you have nothing against him, but you think you should discontinue this friendship. He's got a marriage he should be focusing on. Than block his email. And cut that friendship. Because honestly that's terrible what he's saying to you & I doubt he's joking. And if he is joking, well....I just hope my husband isn't joking like that with women (especially that's hes been seeking out on the internet) wow. good for you for recongizing this & follow your instincts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flower99 Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 That is exactly the sort of thing that will lead to an uncomfortable workplace for the OP's friend. Stick to things that directly effect you. Don't give him marital advice. Don't judge his behavior. Don't criticize what you perceive as his faults. He will most certainly not take such a lecture well. His marriage is between him and his wife. It has nothing to do with you and it's none of your business if he's being unfaithful. Unless of course you choose to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Whether he takes it well or not, isn't really her problem. He can take how he wants. He may not like it, but maybe he'll think twice about his actions, maybe not. it's something he can ponder on. He is crossing a line as to what's appriopriate while married, which is why she's unconfortable. (if he was single saying this to her, I don't think she would mind) I don't see how a conversation between him & her would cause an uncomfrotable work place for the op's friend. That's just my opinion, the Op can do whatever she is most comfortable doing. But I think she should trust her instincts & stop speaking to him. Especially since she feels he's developing feelings which is clouding his judgement...which I think is very wise of you to notice kekep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleadragonhawk Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 For minimizing the drama, I suggest focusing the reason for the halted contact on you (IE, I've been busy lately, I'm not comfortable with...) and not allowing him to argue about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 really this is just a married guy trolling for sex... he was obviously on the prowl and hot to try to chat up you and any other woman who will have him... if he does this enough, sooner or later one of the contacts will score for him. you don't have to chat with him anymore than you have to allow a door to door salesman into your house... just because he's been forceful and trying to MAKE you participate doesn't mean you have to! he's married, you're not interested, and you have the right to choose you own friends! i really REALLY don't think he is 'falling in love' with you. he is trying to close a deal! just cut him off, tell him you've decided that conversing with a married guy is not appropriate so end of story. or if you're cheeky you can tell him you'd love to have lunch with him.... and his wife! and btw, what's his wife's email address and phone number, you'd like a new friend, and you'll call his wife and set it up! he'll run SCREAMING away, i can assure you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bklyn2112 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Hey -- I'd say your instincts are spot on. I would avoid this guy completely and entirely. Trust me, he has issues that go beyond you; his infatuation is not even about you (he's likely sorting through lots of things that don't have anything to do with you OR his wife, in his head) and I applaud you for not wanting to be down with it. Don't stress over the so-called drama. I hope you aren't silently interested in the guy, because the response to this kind of situation seems so obvious, I'm wondering why you're even bothering to write and ask about it. But yes, I would tell him very directly that the way he speaks makes me feel uncomfortable, and even offends me given his status, and I don't appreciate what it implies. So what he has your screen name? You have block, and you can block him on both. I doubt he'd go as far as to create another name, and if he does, then just keep blocking him until he gets the point. I doubt it will go this far, though. Just be a woman, tell him you don't like it, and move on. You're likely young and beautiful, anyway. There are plenty of more interesting options available. -BK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zona76 Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 Yes, I agree, he's flirting. He is trying to find a partner for sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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