thouse Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 He calls probably every two days. For those that have been following my story, me and the ex had a talk about a week and a half ago where he told me that he didn't think he was good for me, and that my future was so bright and he feels like the mistakes that he has made has mapped out his life. In short he says he doesn't want to ruin my life. I say fine, but I can't be friends with you. I don't think he can fathom that because we have been friends for about 15 years. I on the other hand want to just not be bothered by anyone that has anything to do with our relationship, and that means him. I just want to be happy I have been miserable for so long I just want some happiness. I just want to move on let go, and act as if none of this has happened. What should I do??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gath Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Tell him to stop contacting you. Block him from your phone. The best way to heal in this kind of situation is No Contact. It's preached heavily here, but its for a really good reason. It works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Just don't answer and don't return the calls... you've told him not to so he has to expect it... I think he's just trying to see how hard he can push you. Good luck... I know it's hard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 Just don't answer and don't return the calls... you've told him not to so he has to expect it... I think he's just trying to see how hard he can push you. Good luck... I know it's hard... Eventhough things ended on a note, it was not bitter or an angry seperation. What will he think when I just stop taking his calls. I just wonder why he would still call after I already told him I can't be friends with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 Because he is unwilling to accept that. And everytime you pick up the phone or respond to his texts you are reinforcing the way he feels. That part makes sense to me, but I wonder why would someone want to stay in contact with someone when they feel they are not good for them, wouldn't you just walk away and leave them alone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parralax Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 People do bizarre things. He probably does not know what he wants even although he is telling you what he wants. What is wrong that he thinks that he is no good for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 People do bizarre things. He probably does not know what he wants even although he is telling you what he wants. What is wrong that he thinks that he is no good for you? I know what I want in terms of a career and I am 28 I know that I will be working on my doctorate. He's 33 and just isn't as focused he feels that I need to be with someone who is going to be equal to me. He's not a slacker or anything, but he wants to start his own business so his goals are different than mine. Also he says he is a different person from who he was before. Him and the Mother of his child had a bad break up and I think it affected him in a bad way. "He's like what if I can't stay faithful, I don't think he's ready for a committment. Also my family is an issue. He was brought up with me like family, so when everybody found out we were dating there was some animosity there so they go out of there way to do and say things that could possibly hurt the relationship. He says he doesn't want to be the one to tell me I can't be around my family, but he feels we could never be happy here. When I say I don't want to be bothered by anybody that has anything to do with our relationship I am talking about my family and him. I just want to be at peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 He called last night at 10pm I didn't answer though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 That's a start! Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parralax Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Its good that he is calling. Why would your family have a problem with you dating someone that you have known for that long? Is his breakup with his ex recent? Keep talking to him. just because you are an academic and he is in business, it does not follow that you have different goals... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Its good that he is calling. Why would your family have a problem with you dating someone that you have known for that long? Is his breakup with his ex recent? Keep talking to him. just because you are an academic and he is in business, it does not follow that you have different goals... I was thinking to just keep casually talking to him like a friend, but I don't want to be his friend, and I don't want to be friend zoned. What I actually want is for him to not want to be without him. I am just not sure how to trigger that in him. He obviously has to care some what to make the effort to call, because I don't pick up the phone and call him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 I am just so confused. I know to totally get over him I need to make a clean break from him, No seeing him in I can help it (due to family) and definitely no talking to him. I have told him several times that I cannot be his friend, but he acts like I didn't say it. He just won't let me go. You would think if you felt like you weren't good for a person you would leave them alone, but he hasn't. I guess my question should I tell him exactly this AGAIN so that he'll no why I am going NC or should I just do it, eventhough we have been getting along fine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Just don't contact him. You've made your decision. By contacting him you are giving him what he wants... contact with you despite it's negative not positive. He'll get the hint to leave you alone or he'll do what he needs to to step up to the plate. Stick to your guns girlfriend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Just don't contact him. You've made your decision. By contacting him you are giving him what he wants... contact with you despite it's negative not positive. He'll get the hint to leave you alone or he'll do what he needs to to step up to the plate. Stick to your guns girlfriend! Cats, I know that you are right. I have started to turn my cell phone off when I don't necessarily have to have it on. If I see his number I don't know if I would be able to ignore it. I love him so much, and I am just scared that NC will make him not want me and go find somebody else. On the other hand the current state of our situation sucks too so I guess I have to do this. I know NC is to get yourself back, but for me I will be using NC to give myself some peace. With him telling me that he doesn't think we should be together because he's not good for me, yet he is still contacting me all the time I am always confused. So not being in contact with him should help with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I think you have a great deal of strength. I think if I had been in your shoes I think I would have caved and talked to him... I think I would be working at doing things that would let him see that he made the wrong choice for us. I think you are doing the right thing! The rest is up to him and kudos for you for turning off your phone! Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 I think you have a great deal of strength. I think if I had been in your shoes I think I would have caved and talked to him... I think I would be working at doing things that would let him see that he made the wrong choice for us. I think you are doing the right thing! The rest is up to him and kudos for you for turning off your phone! Hang in there! What kind of things would you be doing to make him see that he made the wrong choice?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Well - what I did do was stay in his life. I made contact probably at least once a week. Asked how he was doing. Any job prospects. How were his kids. Sometimes I would text him - hey how are you? do you miss me... that time I got an 'of course'... I should have backed off but I still called... still made myself available... he never had the chance to miss me. I did all the wrong things but my heart was always in the right place! I did do NC for over a month and when I made contact with him... he was over it and totally moved on... You pulled away right from the get go... Good for you! You go girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Well - what I did do was stay in his life. I made contact probably at least once a week. Asked how he was doing. Any job prospects. How were his kids. Sometimes I would text him - hey how are you? do you miss me... that time I got an 'of course'... I should have backed off but I still called... still made myself available... he never had the chance to miss me. I did all the wrong things but my heart was always in the right place! I did do NC for over a month and when I made contact with him... he was over it and totally moved on... You pulled away right from the get go... Good for you! You go girl! Yeah I have backed off a whole lot, but I have never really cut contact with him. I say to him we can't be friends but yet he will call anyways and I answer. So it's either two things, he's testing me or he just doesn't take what I say seriously about us not being friends. That's why I am thinking about going no contact with him for awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Oh... you had been doing so well ignoring his calls... no worry though we all do things we wished we hadn't and honestly I couldn't ignore my phone if my ex was ringing me... I think you need to stop all contact for a few weeks. He needs to respect that! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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