thegirl_00 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I have been single for two months now, which is actually a long time for me. And in these past two months I have been on more dates then i have ever gone on in my life. I have been set up on a few blind dates, some where I met through a friend and two online (who i had been talking to for a long time). All of the dates I have gone on have turned out well, even when i don't end up seeing the person again. But I find that every SINGLE guy that I date only wants one thing. What i don't understand is that I am not sleazy at all, and I let the guys know that i am not like that. Often I talk on the phone with the person before the date so that we can get to know each other. They all tell me that they aren't looking to hook up with a girl. They just want to become friends and if something develops from there, then great. However, after every first date I go on every guys mind changes and they suddenly start testing their limits. Here is an example of the last guy i dated... My friend wanted to set me up on a date, so I got his email and we talked for about 3 weeks. He told me that he had gone on a date recently and it turned out horribly because the girl was ALL over him and he wasn't into that (that sounded pretty promising to me). So, we go on our date and we hit it off like a match made in heaven! he never pulled one move, he told me he didn't want the night to end, and that he hoped we could hang out the very next day and go shopping. But then the next day we were talking online and he asks me if I want to "hook up in the parking lot to have sex in his car", and "he really wanted to make out the night before and hopes that next time we can make up for it". I know this is just one example, but I am not lying when I say that every guy i have dated lately has become that way with me. Maybe I am doing something wrong? I feel as though I have a lot to offer and don't understand why i am being treated this way. I have dated a very wide variety of men, so it must be me who is doing something wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 If a man I'd never met wanted to date me and discussed in detail how a woman was all over him on a date I would see huge red flags. It's inappropriate and tacky to talk about that to someone that early on in the getting to know you process. A gentleman wouldn't talk that way. Just sounds like you've had a bad phase - happens to the best of us. Good thing is most guys after one thing show those signs very early on so you can "next" them. And, just evaluate - without overanalyzing - if there's anything you would change about your approach. For example, I wouldn't say "I don't hook up on the first date" because that sounds like you have baggage - like you've had bad experiences. Simply meet in a public place, don't go somewhere to be alone and carry yourself with confidence and respect. If someone brings up sex on the first date - or makes a lot of sexual comments end the date early and don't see him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 They all just want to have sex, to make it more clear. These are men from the ages of 21-26 to give a general idea. So far I have dated 5 different guys in 2 months. All the dates went well, but they all tried to test their limits on me afterwards. and when I told them I wasn't into having sex with people that I'm not involved with, they all took a step back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 Prazors. I know, I have been trying to look at it from that angle. But if a guy is interested in me wouldn't he respect me enough to lay off on the sex comments? Maybe I am old fashioned. I am just afraid of being used. The last guy that I mentioned I actually had an interest for, but he completely ruined my image of him by mentioning how badly he wanted to "get with me". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Yes, gentlemen lay off the sex talk and prioritize getting to know you over getting into your pants and over risking offending the lady they are with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toshiba Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Stop thinking that it's something about you. Start realizing that it's something about them. Then start looking for more suitable men. And it's best if you can learn how to read people better to save yourself the frustration of finding out who they really are later rather than sooner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
someguy88 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Prazors. I know, I have been trying to look at it from that angle. But if a guy is interested in me wouldn't he respect me enough to lay off on the sex comments? Maybe I am old fashioned. I am just afraid of being used. The last guy that I mentioned I actually had an interest for, but he completely ruined my image of him by mentioning how badly he wanted to "get with me". Chances are that you're not coming off as "old fashioned". If you've dated five guys in the last two months and they all ended up 'the same', then the problem probably isn't them. Get my drift? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Stop dating and get to know people for real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 it sounds like you have done a good job so far of weeding out the guys that just want sex from you or just want sex too quickly. there are no tricks to finding a guy who doesnt want sex right off the bat, it is just trial and error. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madman22 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Because thats all you offer them. Sorry, harsh but true. Ur not ready clearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 just wondering..... what were you wearing, was it something very low cut? what was the topic of conversation on these dates? I think if you wear clothes that are cute, but not too revealing, and don't talk about sex, most guys will get that you're not the kind of girl they can just booty call. did the guys have too much to drink on these dates....? then again, you could be going through a stretch of bad luck.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clementine orange Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Maybe you want to try dating a higher class of men. What's with the guy who wanted to hook up in the parking lot? What on earth??? Does that actually work? I figure it's a given that I'm not getting sex on the first date...or even the second. However, by the third I think I should be at least have it on the horizon somewhere. For the record, I absolultely hate women who give you the no sex lecture on the first date. That's happened to me. What a turn off in general. I didn't even do anything or say anything the woman is already telling me I'm not getting it. Damn right I'm not getting 'cause I'm not giving it!! OP, Annie24 might be on the right track here with the clothes and general demeanor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 Well I am thin, but as far as wearing revealing clothing, nothing really appears to be revealing on me as I have a very small chest lol. But to answer the question, I do not wear revealing clothing at all. I am an rather innocent person. I dress well, but I never show a lot of skin. I am a flirt, but not overly, and especially not on first dates. If anything, i come off as a little stand-offish (which I perhaps should have mentioned). Most guys end up telling me after the date that they feel as though I would never consider perusing anything with them. Is dating this confusing for everyone? haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Chances are that you're not coming off as "old fashioned". If you've dated five guys in the last two months and they all ended up 'the same', then the problem probably isn't them. Get my drift? I really have to say the same thing here. When something is a pattern we might have to look at what WE are doing to attract the same kind of people. This does not even mean you are being overt. Sometimes an insecure women seems to attract "bad" guys to her. They sniff out the neediness like a jersey guy does with boardwalk fries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 Thanks, I do have a bad habit of letting guys know from the get-go that I have been played before and don't want it to happen again! wow, big mistake on my part! thanks for the advice. I wont do that again lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Maybe you want to try dating a higher class of men. What's with the guy who wanted to hook up in the parking lot? What on earth??? Does that actually work? I figure it's a given that I'm not getting sex on the first date...or even the second. However, by the third I think I should be at least have it on the horizon somewhere. For the record, I absolultely hate women who give you the no sex lecture on the first date. That's happened to me. What a turn off in general. I didn't even do anything or say anything the woman is already telling me I'm not getting it. Damn right I'm not getting 'cause I'm not giving it!! OP, Annie24 might be on the right track here with the clothes and general demeanor I agree that the no sex lecture on the first date is kind of tactless and cheesy. If the guy you are dating is so much of a horndog that they even need to be read the riot act than just don't go out with him again. And on the chance you are dating a "good" guy he is just going to be offended. I can't stand the whole purist "no sex" lecture on a first date with women. It's a bit over the top. JMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I agree that the no sex lecture on the first date is kind of tactless and cheesy. If the guy you are dating is so much of a horndog that they even need to be read the riot act than just don't go out with him again. And on the chance you are dating a "good" guy he is just going to be offended. I can't stand the whole purist "no sex" lecture on a first date with women. It's a bit over the top. JMO JMO, too. It's analogous to hearing a guy complain about how he's not into women who just want a free meal. Ick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 when i did online dating and was on eharmony, there was a series of 'ice-breaker' questions. you would choose 5 of them, and send them to your match to answer. if a guy sent me the "Do you believe in premarital sex?" question, I would close the match. I figured if he was religious or very moral, he would ask me a more innocent question that early on. Or, if he was wondering if he would 'get lucky' with me before marriage (which was likely the case, i guess), i would find that really crude that he is asking about my sex life before even meeting me or taking me out for dinner, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Every guy will test his limits sooner or later - it's to be expected. Handle it with dignity and grace and firmly set your boundaries. I'd stop bringing old baggage onto your dates as well (ie, telling these guys you've been played in the past). It's not polite first date material and, honestly, it would be an extreme turnoff to me if a guy I barely knew was bringing something like that to the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 'i don't just sleep with guys early on.' make it known. if they still contact you, they are interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I for one am not too fond of the "blind dating', internet dating and or hook-ups from friends those are the worst in my book. You must be very attractive and that is a good thing that they are interested in being sexual with you. But you have to draw the line. Stop bringing it to their attention that may help out a bit. you telling them indirectly that I do want to hook up and I NEED some sex ASAP May not seem like it to you but it does for them and they can't help themselves because maybe you come off as being needy, or having emotional baggage. It is easy for us women to knock a guy for responding to our approach. Maybe your body language is suggesting that you are lonely and trust me guys can pick up on the things we try to hide from them. So I don't at all think it is all on the guys-even though they may be off key-trust me something suggests that it just may happen. Stop looking is my best advice. It is when you least expect it to happen/ Knock it off with the hook-ups because it makes you look like a cheap thrill and usually hook-ups are for ugly girls, and tricks. So step it up and tell your friends no thank you. The online dating--I really don't like that either cause you almost seem desperate. there are still lots of great guys left maybe not the best of the best but trust me they are still out here. So keep your head up mama and go extra hard but at the end of the day do not compromise your integrity and don't lose confidence. good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainPlanet Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Why does every guy want one thing from you ? because it feels good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainPlanet Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 just wondering..... what were you wearing, was it something very low cut? what was the topic of conversation on these dates? I think if you wear clothes that are cute, but not too revealing, and don't talk about sex, most guys will get that you're not the kind of girl they can just booty call. did the guys have too much to drink on these dates....? then again, you could be going through a stretch of bad luck.... funny how what a man and a woman might call bad luck can be polar opposites. if I had women asking me for sex on the first date I'd call that a streak of incredible good luck. EDIT: but I agree its definently in how you present yourself, if you could hear guy speak you would understand that is the total truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Share Posted December 7, 2007 Thank you everyone. You have helped me so much, you have no idea. I'm not going to go on anymore of these dates, and I'm going to change my attitude a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 It seems to me that perhaps you were not interested in these guys, and the only way these guys are testing if you are interested in them is if you will put out. In their experience, they have likely found out that if they dont get sex on the first, second, or third date, they will likely get none at all and you'll be friendzoning them while having sex with other guys who you are interested in. I'm not siding with the guys or with you, but hope to put a balanced perspective - guys like to have sex but it doesn't come to us, we have to pursue it, and take all the risks including rejection, while women have the luxury of being flooded with sex offers so it's easy to scoff at them and say every guy is into that. However, if you were repulsively fat and no guy wanted to be around you, I'm sure you would be dancing to a different tune than you are now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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