Guess It's Really Over

[thouse]

I had posted maybe last week about how me and my ex was going to talk about where things were going for us. On the day we was supposed to talk (Thanksgiving Day) we got in an argument. Anyhow we have been not contacted each other since. The day before that he bought me some speakers for my car and I never said Thanks. Yesterday I was thinking about that so I texted him and he did not reply, I called him twice he did not answer or return my call. So today I called him and he didn't answer I just felt this wave of anger come over me and I texted him that I hated him, that I truly wished I had never talked to him to begin with, and that I no longer had any feelings for him. I also told him to never call me again and that I would do the same. I don't know if he responded or not, but my thing is I haven't done anything but support him and be there, the one time I do something or make you mad you just don't take my calls. I feel betrayed.

[CatsMeeoow]

I'm sorry for you pain. I know how much it hurts.

 

I know how easy it is to get angry when someone ignores us.

 

I wish I could truly make it better for you and though it is soooo hard (I know because I'm doing it right now) it's best to let things go for a bit. It doesn't have to be forever but give it time where everyone cools down.

 

Don't contact him anymore... things said in anger will only eat you up more later... let it go... he'll resond when he's ready.

 

I'll be thinking of you.

[LBP]

When you go in looking to say thanks and then explode after he doesn't respond, on Thanksgiving day no less, it doesn't reflect well on you... I mean, you were all ready in a bad position. In tennis, they'd call this an unforced error. It happens with matters of emotion. I've been there.

 

It may be too late for this one. You can hope but it may be best to let things rest and move on.

 

I don't think it would be an awful thing for you to apologize, simply, and leave it at that.

[samross]

I agree with LPB on the last sentence but not so much on everything else. I try to stay optimistic (when I'm not feeling pessimistic ) and tell myself it's never too late. I've done just exactly what you did thouse. We're human. I told my ex almost to the letter exactly what you said. The next day I sent an email apologizing for getting upset. I didn't apologize and say I was wrong about feeling hurt because of what her and my best friend did but just with regard to the hurtful things I said. We set ourselves up sometimes though by doing just what we did but so what? I won't apologize for having feelings and I do know I am always willing to meet someone half-way. LPB has a good suggestion about apologizing and then leaving it at that. I would then focus elsewhere and let this situation progress (or digress) without your direct involvement. In other words, it sounds like there are some very hurt and angry feelings on both sides. Let it air out for a while. Give it a chance to heal and then see where it goes. He knows you don't hate him and you know you don't. It's just anger and hurt speaking. He knows you still love him and I've never met him or you. It's never over until the fat lady sings. Have you heard her sing yet?

[thouse]

When you go in looking to say thanks and then explode after he doesn't respond, on Thanksgiving day no less, it doesn't reflect well on you... I mean, you were all ready in a bad position. In tennis, they'd call this an unforced error. It happens with matters of emotion. I've been there.

 

It may be too late for this one. You can hope but it may be best to let things rest and move on.

 

I don't think it would be an awful thing for you to apologize, simply, and leave it at that.

I am not apologizing, I will take it as a loss before I do that. He was blatantly ignoring me because we had a disagreement on Thanksgiving. We hadn't talked since that day. Yesterday I called him to say Thanks and he ignored me, today I called and he ignored me and that's when I sent the text. He has a lot of nerve, yeah I may have been wrong for saying those things but that should not cancel out 4 years of being there and adding to someone's life.

[thouse]

Samross,

 

I am not apologizing to him, he has hurt me so much. I have always always been there for him and it just seems so funny how people can overlook or forget all the things and times you have been there for them.

 

He didn't even respond to the text so probably doesn't even care at all.

[programmer]

Samross,

 

I am not apologizing to him, he has hurt me so much. I have always always been there for him and it just seems so funny how people can overlook or forget all the things and times you have been there for them.

 

He didn't even respond to the text so probably doesn't even care at all.

 

What an idiot. I must say I hate this kind of people. I really know how you feel thouse, this feeling of betrayal and selfishness. Be strong, let us be strong together! I know how hard it is, you may don't wanna live anymore, I have felt it many times during bad periods. Before this happened to me I used to think that people who commit suicide are selfish people, because they hurt so many people around them when they do it. But when you are in the middle of it, you just don't care! You are so down that no words can help, only the one you love coming back will help!

 

I am not good to help myself, that's why I need help from others and people from this forum, and I try to help others as well. It is always easier to help others than helping ourselves, I know that.

 

Stay strong, at least for a few months and see what happens, try to have hope. I myself am very unstable, have been really down for several days, but today I have felt better and more confident, even though it will be pending for some time.

 

But when there are still hope, we can still cope with it. Use whatever that may help, be furious, be aggressive if it helps, just unleash your feelings!

 

I know I have no magic words to help you. Learn something technicial so that you can't think about him while doing it. I myself will try to sign up for some dance courses, maybe learn moonwalking. Have never been a dancer. My ex loves to dance, and was recently making fun of my dancing. It will produce some attention when I moonwalk through the dancefloor, I reckon.

 

Joke aside, see you later around here.

[thouse]

Thanks Programmer I can tell that you are having a rough time with your situation. I feel bad about all this but I have an 8 year old son who needs me so I won't be checking out until God calls me home.

 

Anyhow I am already an aggressive women so being more aggressive is not a great idea, that's what got me in this mess. I am a Gemini and so my emotions and feelings are all over the place all the time. Him being mean to me and showing me exactly what kind of person he is doesn't make me depressed it makes me mad, and it makes me want him to suffer.

 

It sucks when you find out the person you love wasn't worth a dime with a hole in it. What's funny is I have had several relationships, but he was my second serious one, and something that comforts me is that most don't realize what they have in me until they push me so far that I just cut them off, that's when they get it and try to come back.

 

Him on the other hand he was already starting to say he had made a mistake, but I just couldn't go along for the ride and seen what happened, I just had to know where all this was going, so I pushed him. Now all I have done is probably solidified whatever doubts he had about me, but oh well after 4 years of dealing with his crap (cause he is far from perfect) I think he should cut me some slack.

 

Well what can I do accept walk away and don't look back I guess, but what I do know is I won't be apologizing for being hurt and expressing myself.

[thouse]

I'm sorry for you pain. I know how much it hurts.

 

I know how easy it is to get angry when someone ignores us.

 

I wish I could truly make it better for you and though it is soooo hard (I know because I'm doing it right now) it's best to let things go for a bit. It doesn't have to be forever but give it time where everyone cools down.

 

Don't contact him anymore... things said in anger will only eat you up more later... let it go... he'll resond when he's ready.

 

I'll be thinking of you.

Thanks Catsmeeow,

 

Me and you are in the same boat I am so impatient, and I tend to push I don't do well with uncertainty. He confuses me by the things he says and I don't think he was lying about any of it I just think if I would have relaxed a little it wouldn't have ended up like this.

 

I just don't understand how someoen you have put your all into, and loved them with your soul could be like this with you. I could see if they were oblivious to these things, but when they know how you feel about them and they treat you like this it makes you wonder about people in general. If someone this close to you could be like this do you really ever know anybody

[CatsMeeoow]

Thanks Catsmeeow,

 

Me and you are in the same boat I am so impatient, and I tend to push I don't do well with uncertainty. He confuses me by the things he says and I don't think he was lying about any of it I just think if I would have relaxed a little it wouldn't have ended up like this.

 

I just don't understand how someoen you have put your all into, and loved them with your soul could be like this with you. I could see if they were oblivious to these things, but when they know how you feel about them and they treat you like this it makes you wonder about people in general. If someone this close to you could be like this do you really ever know anybody

 

I'm impatient too and don't do the games very well... I see it... I want it... I go get it...

 

I miss my ex like mad but I have pushed him away for so many months he isn't coming back. That smarts because there was love in everything I did and all I wanted was to show him how much he meant to me.

 

Hang in there! Perhaps there are still chapters for us to be written.

[istillluvu06]

Uncertainty, thats the word I have been looking for to explain my feelings. I have pushed also, but he has aslo said he still loves me, but doesnt want a relationship.

I feel so frustrated because I was mosst of the reason we broke up, but have done alot to try to change. It seems he is now punishing me. I know I need to let things heal and it's so hard when you really love the person and wnat to prove that to them.

i find myself feeling so angry, mostly at myself. But it seems my ex s so arrogant now.

It's such a big mess. I went through a really bad time this past weekend, I don't know if it was thanksgiving or everything coming to realization. Been very depressed since. Guilt. How will I overcome this?

[thouse]

Uncertainty, thats the word I have been looking for to explain my feelings. I have pushed also, but he has aslo said he still loves me, but doesnt want a relationship.

I feel so frustrated because I was mosst of the reason we broke up, but have done alot to try to change. It seems he is now punishing me. I know I need to let things heal and it's so hard when you really love the person and wnat to prove that to them.

i find myself feeling so angry, mostly at myself. But it seems my ex s so arrogant now.

It's such a big mess. I went through a really bad time this past weekend, I don't know if it was thanksgiving or everything coming to realization. Been very depressed since. Guilt. How will I overcome this?

I don't feel guilt or depression, I feel anger. I guess I feel this way because I know without a shadow of a doubt that though I definitely have my faults he knew he was loved by me. I stood by him, and did everything in my power to make life easier and pleasant. I dealt with his crap because I knew he wasn't perfect, but hell who is. I know I did everything that I could and that I was understanding I am owed a little understanding in return. I said somethings today that I am not sure if I meant it or not. I don't like the person I am when I'm affiliated with him. I feel uncomfortable and tense around him, I just want some peace in my life. I always work so hard to help others and try to keep people from feeling pain, it angers me when others don't return the favor. What I learned from all this though. From here on I don't give to anyone until I see that they are worthy. No more thinking that people are generally good. Mind you I've known him all my life I would have never thought things would turn out like this. So now there's no friendship or relationship.

 

Sorry just ranting...

[samross]

thouse,

I gave you bad advice earlier. I didn't realize the extent of the pain you're going through and I apologize. You should not apologize and I was wrong to tell you that. I understand your anger completely and sometimes I want to scream at the top of lungs. Sometimes I'll look at a magazine or a tv show and see some couple so happy or some person that's got it all and I get bitter. I feel like she dumped on me with my best friend. I was the one who who was there for her. I know how you feel. I didn't know you had a child as well. I feel for you thouse. But I know someone that has such powerful emotions in their heart is someone that will find love becasue you will know real love when it's there. I think those of us who are 'dumped' (I hate that word) are the ones who really know what REAL love is. We aren't the ones to dump on them. Yeah, we make mistakes and we akk can stand a little improvement in ourselves but we're compassionate and caring. We are the one who won't betray our loved ones. We aren't the ones who treat them like crap. There is a place in love for us and one day we'll find it. Sad but true, we may have to climb through a mountain of careless souls who only are interested in themselves before we find it. Whew - I'm ready for bed now. Wore myself out! Anyway that's my humble opinion about our ex's. Hang in there, thouse, and know that you've done the right thing.

[thouse]

Samross,

 

I think I did it just to get some finality to all of this. I've asked him several times to just say hey it's over and I never want to see you again, however he won't do that. He won't even grant me that little bit of solace. If I could hear just those words I think I would be gone like the wind. I think I said those things to him yesterday to one see what his reaction was going to be, and two in hopes that he will never contact me again. It's inevitable that we will see each sooner or later, but I just want to wake up and all feelings and thoughts be gone.

 

I loved him so much more than I have ever loved another, and at times more than I loved myself which why I feel so betrayed. If I would have looked for self I wouldn't feel like I put my everything into this, but hey you live and learn. The fact that I didn't get a reaction from him means two things. 1) he doesn't care, 2) he doesn't take it seriously and is just blowing it off. With him you never know. Last night I turned off my cell phone, and that's what I plan to do every night from now on, I just want some peace. Oh and Samross me and him don't have kids together, he's from a previous idiot, that scarred me so bad I probably will never be the same. I took a chance with this last one and now I doubt I will ever open myself up to anyone again.

[samross]

Life has dealt both of us a raw deal, thouse. Don't give up on love. I won't. Sometimes I think we look too hard for it when we should let it find us. And I think in my case when I look back at the failures I have had in love a lot of it was because (in hindsight) I was going after the same personality type. I know that sounds like a cop-out but I think in some cases it's true but don't realize it. We feel this need to fix the relationship becasue we're in love with them - then they reject us, and then we want them even more. It's a vicious circle. And we are the only ones who can break it.

[thouse]

Life has dealt both of us a raw deal, thouse. Don't give up on love. I won't. Sometimes I think we look too hard for it when we should let it find us. And I think in my case when I look back at the failures I have had in love a lot of it was because (in hindsight) I was going after the same personality type. I know that sounds like a cop-out but I think in some cases it's true but don't realize it. We feel this need to fix the relationship becasue we're in love with them - then they reject us, and then we want them even more. It's a vicious circle. And we are the only ones who can break it.

Story of my life. Everyone always tells me what a great person I am but this is the kind of crap I always deal with. You're right about sitting back and letting it come to you, though that's what I thought I had done this last time around. Me and him have been friends for 15 years I thought I knew him but really I didn't. We got together in the wrong way also. We both had SO's when we started seeing each other. My SO left and his didn't right away, but when she did, she left got married and got pregnant, and I think that changed him for the worst.

[CatsMeeoow]

I'm sure that probably stung....

 

During the middle of my difficulties with my ex... his exwife (married for 13yr) got engaged over Thanksgiving and then married that New Years Eve. He didn't want her back but I'm know it stung... and that caused him to pull further away from me...

 

He's had another yr to get over it and he's had so many other bad things start to go his way... I wish we would have met up now rather than a year ago. I did so many stupid things over the course of the year that permanently pushed him away. Now he is with someone new.

[thouse]

I'm sure that probably stung....

 

During the middle of my difficulties with my ex... his exwife (married for 13yr) got engaged over Thanksgiving and then married that New Years Eve. He didn't want her back but I'm know it stung... and that caused him to pull further away from me...

 

He's had another yr to get over it and he's had so many other bad things start to go his way... I wish we would have met up now rather than a year ago. I did so many stupid things over the course of the year that permanently pushed him away. Now he is with someone new.

I feel the same as you. We got together at a bad time, there was no way mentally or emotionally he could have been there for me, doesn't stop the hurt though. However he was the one who said he was over it and felt he was better and stronger, but then again he was the one who said he didn't care at all eventhough I knew that was a lie. It would hurt anyone.

[CatsMeeoow]

Sure - it always stings... no matter the circumstances... somebody got over you very very quickly and moved on and is happy... ouch!

 

For my ex it just reinforced how crappy his life had become over the two years in struggling and trying to make it on his own.

 

I'm the one who got left in the dump!

[samross]

thouse, cats

when you think about how they've done us - what have we really lost? We lose the opportunity for it to happen again. And that's a good thing, right? (I'm trying to pump myself up). Seriously, I've thought about this a lot. In my case if my ex was willing to hurt me the way she did, is she really the kind of person I want in my life? No. I have this idealized image of me and her and THAT'S what hurts. I keep thinking it could have been so much. But the reality is all of this showed me a side of her that was very ugly.

[thouse]

thouse, cats

when you think about how they've done us - what have we really lost? We lose the opportunity for it to happen again. And that's a good thing, right? (I'm trying to pump myself up). Seriously, I've thought about this a lot. In my case if my ex was willing to hurt me the way she did, is she really the kind of person I want in my life? No. I have this idealized image of me and her and THAT'S what hurts. I keep thinking it could have been so much. But the reality is all of this showed me a side of her that was very ugly.

Samross,

 

Deep down I know that I probably dodged a bullet, but just as you I had/have this image of the way things could have been, and the fact that I shut out men so now I am just all alone with my thoughts is another thing that hurts. I think I would just feel a little better if he pined for me half of the way I did for me, I know that's not a nice thing to wish but I do. I want him to feel just some of the pain I have.

[CatsMeeoow]

Samross,

 

Deep down I know that I probably dodged a bullet, but just as you I had/have this image of the way things could have been, and the fact that I shut out men so now I am just all alone with my thoughts is another thing that hurts. I think I would just feel a little better if he pined for me half of the way I did for me, I know that's not a nice thing to wish but I do. I want him to feel just some of the pain I have.

 

You're not alone - I wish my ex pined for me a bit too!

[samross]

I like to believe that they do in some way. Maybe that's naive but they're not robots either. Years ago I ran into a girl that I dated all through high school. I don't want to say that she dumped me but it ended when she asked another boy to the Sadie Hawkins dance. I was crushed. Fast forward about 10 years, and I ran into her again. I was dating a girl and introduced my high school flame to her brother. They got married. It actually didn't bother me becasue I had gotten over her. Several years go by, she has two children and then one day her husband tells her he's gay. When I ran into her years later (as I started to say) she was so happy to see me. She touched my arm and squeezed and said 'I'll really screwed up with you didn't I?'. She wanted me to call her but I was involved with someone else. So I think they do feel regret and sorrow at some point. the bad thing is we might not ever get to know it. When I approached my ex a month ago at their show she acted like she was so happy to see me and she hugged me. She held on very tightly for a long time. When I sat there by myself and listened to them play there was one song that I could see she was getting tears in her eyes. So I think in my case - maybe she was. I didn't take any pleasure in it becasue I was seeing it but I can tell you since then and before I definitely wanted her to feel what I am going through. Life can be so unfair.

 

thouse

There is someone out there for you. I know it feels like there isn't but there is. Even though I don't know you it pains me to hear a young woman say that she has given up on love. We're not meant to go through this world alone. If there's some that don't want to take the journey with us that's their loss. There is someone though that does. Try to keep your heart open thouse, I know it how much it hurts.

[thouse]

Samross,

 

I am sure that is the pain talking. I'll probably be here again spilling my guts about another bozo. I know both of my ex's have some regrets because they have both told me. You are right they are not robots and they do have feelings.

[samross]

It is the pain. Some guy is going to come along just at a time when you're not expecting and change everything. For me, I just hope one day I'm happy. If that means I find love then that will be great. In the meantime since I haven't been playing music I've gotten back into building furniture. Quiet, solitary work that keeps my mind occupied.