angeliamce Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 The last several months this group has really helped me- Background info about why I may be over analyzing bc of this guy: 1st guy to date after being divorced for 8 years- he doesn't want a relationship w/ me just friendship I am 36 and basically have no experience with dating. I have been divorced for several years- I read a bunch of books and love myself- I decided like a year ago I wanted to find a guy. So, I joined Eharmony, yahoo personals, and a singles line. I met a 38 yr old guy off the singles line- we have actually talked next month it will be a year. After 7 months of major talking we finally met had sex a couple of times then he was like I don't want a relationship- no kissing after the first time- then he just wanted oral. I got the picture he didn't want me. Still I help him- but, we have not spoke in a week. His 8yr old daughter called today- which I really like and we talked. He texts questions and I answer. We are friends and nothing more- which was hard to accept because that is not what I thought was going on- 2nd guy (too young to date, really not attract to) So, I moved on a couple of months ago I went on a date w/ a guy from eharmony- he was nice but not my type- during my boring date this 24 yr old guy that I had been ignoring bc of his age texted and after my date he came to my house and we just made out in the hot tub. Which was fun after dealing w/ the "no kissing- I don't want a relationship guy"- but I really not interested in the 24 he really doesn't have a lot to say- 3rd Guy- the one I want to know if he has lost interest So, like a month ago by total chance I meet this guy through a friend 26- he drives 3 hours to my hometown to hunt- we just click- we don't even kiss the first night- but I felt such a connection to him physically and mentally- we talked so much the next week- then he came back down and went with me to a party- we did some making-out afterwards- no sex- its like I could kiss him for hours- he started texting and saying wonderful things- such as "You make my day good bc I think about you all day and can't wait to talk to you at night you make me happy." stuff like that- I text and said some mushy stuff too- and he was so sweet and seemed so into me- then we made plans for the next weekend- he would spend the night- I wasn't sure about doing everything- he was okay with it. We talked and texted about normal just friend stuff- his job- his kids- his ex- my job -kids- he just had a good personality- came down spent the night great sex. Next day everything the same- still texting me starts talking about how he really likes me. Okay the next weekend- he comes down and him and his uncle come over to the house- both drink a lot- 26 guy goes out to smoke and his uncle starts rubbing my leg- I don't make a big deal out of it- he tells me he feels a connection, likes me- I tell that he has been drinking and he's down to hunt and he is just imagine it- then he goes in to kiss me I push him back and say where's "guy name" and he says I told him to wait in- the truck- I said he knows what your doing and he says, "Maybe"- I told him to leave- I text the my guy- and told him I was so shocked and hurt- long story he said he didn't know- thought his uncle was saying thanks, etc. I believed him- we didn't go out the next night bc he said they he had got sick off of some liquior- which was a story that was all over town- that week we discuss everything and he tells me that he was going to stop talking to me bc I believed that he would let someone else try w/ me, etc. but he couldn't stop talking to me bc he really liked me. We talk all that week- next weekend- he drives down again- we go out have a great time- great sex again next week- I hear he texted this girl from my town "hey"- so, I just text him and tell him that we can just be friends that I understand that things end quicker now, etc. he texts me back and says he wants me, etc. And I tell him that I know that he texted this other girl and basically he was free to do what he wants- I will not be weird around him- he responds that he is on his way down- 3 hours later he's in my town- he brings this math test over he wants me to take (okay I am a total nerd)- then he comes over the next night and I think he's coming to get me but he is just stopping by to grade the test bc he is going coon hunting but will text me when he is finished. He texts me and says what are you doing- then he decideds that he needs to catch up on some sleep. Next day he texts early to ask want we were going to do that night- dancing- he said great- we would leave after his family thing- he texts a few times, and calls to make sure everything in still on etc. then nothing- I text him 2 times- one asking if his family thing was fun and 2 hours later to tell him we were fixing to leave. He texted me the next morning and said after he ate he feel asleep. This is so crazy- I know this guy has lost interest. But, my question is I gave him an out- we can just be friends- he said no, he really likes me- then he apologies twice today for not going last night. I tell him that I understand- here's my question- following is my text to him and his response. Has this guy lost interest and is just being nice or am I just over analyzing and need to remember that he is down here hunting and drinking- which is a hard time to also date, so be understanding? I want to be understanding bc it was a family holiday and w/ drinking and early up to go hunting one would be tired. 1st text saying he was sorry So sry. After I ate I passed out. I responded I totally understand. Family dinners make me so sleepy. I had a good time last night but I missed you. his 2nd text saying he was sorry later in the day: Im sry i didnt make it last night I responded Its okay. Really then I texted I wanted to see you but for some reason I just knew we wouldn't hang out. So I wasn't really upset. I think you are tired of me. he responded No im not I feel so stupid for spending all this time analyzing this- but, I really like this guy and I am afraid that I am falling in a pattern. Guy really likes me and I am careful, then I really like them- and the no longer like me. I don't want to be some needy girl. I can be by myself- but, I do like this new guy. Has he lost interest and is being nice- or am I over analyzing and should calm down. Also, when he didn't show up the 24 yr old text and I texted back and forth with him bc I was bored and sad, so- apparently I am being really needy for attention. But, I wouldn't go w/ him bc I like the 26 yr old. Need help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip2001 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 To be completely honest, I don't think he has lost interest in you. But it sounds like he is definitely shady, and his interest is probably mostly there when it is convenient for him. I think you might be thinking of this a little more serious than he is, and if you want to really find out what he is about, then you should back off for a while and see what he does. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostInMyThoughts Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 If emails are impersonal, text messages are *REALLY* impersonal. It's really too hard to tell with a text message; I remember days wasted agonizing what a simple text message meant. It doesn't really matter. As a guess if he was really tired of you, he wouldn't waste the time texting you back. If you are unsure of things, just take them as they go; if he only comes a knockin when he wants to get some action, then draw your conclusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolates Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 After 7 months of major talking we finally met had sex a couple of times then he was like I don't want a relationship- no kissing after the first time- then he just wanted oral. I got the picture he didn't want me. the "no kissing- I don't want a relationship guy"- Can someone please enlighten me - since when does kissing someone during sex mean you want a relationship? Is this true?? Also this OP thread was very difficult to read because there are no gaps/ paragraphs!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blender Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 ugh..what is it you respect and admire about his man? HE might have lost interest in YOU? Maybe that would be a blessing. rejection is god's protection. Please gather up all your self respect and try to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself WHY would YOU be interested in HIM? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 But it sounds like he is definitely shady, and his interest is probably mostly there when it is convenient for him. I agree- he is shady- his interest is when he wants someone just anyone not just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 If you are unsure of things, just take them as they go; if he only comes a knockin when he wants to get some action, then draw your conclusion. So true- but, what is so sad is that I would love to find one that actually wants to have sex. I really miss the sex. And if I keep thinking it is serious and have sex and then we only have it a few times and then the guy loses interest. I may end up having sex with a bunch of guys. I am actually afraid- I had only been w/ 1 guy at the age of 34- then it was 2 guys of the age of 35. In the lost 3 months I have been with 2 more- for a total of 4 guys, which may not sound like a lot but, I like doubled in the last 3 months. And there is something in my mind telling me why does it matter. Guys really don't seem to care if someone has slept around. It doesn't really seem like a big deal anymore. I should just have fun and not be lonely. But then I stop myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Can someone please enlighten me - since when does kissing someone during sex mean you want a relationship? Is this true?? I really believe that a guy that doesn't kiss you really doesn't like you. I told this guy that I believe that it really didn't matter if he wanted a relationship anyone because we love differently. He was like what are you talking about- and I said I love to kiss and I am loving- I would never want to be with someone in a relationship that did not like to kiss and he responded, "You don't know me- when I am in a relationship I am very loving and I love to kiss." So, I take it that the guy doesn't like me. He just called bc he missed talking to me and wanted to know about how everything was going with me. I got off the phone as soon as possible, because he is just screwing with me. He wants me to come over to his house because he misses me. What is so sad is I really like him, but I am not going to play this game anymore. He thinks I am totally in love with him. I am staying away. I don't understand this guy- he doesn't want me but he called my daughter and son to invite us over to his house a couple of weeks ago. I guess he really wants us to be friends, but his actions yell that he wants a relationship. I am not doing this to myself anymore. God, it hurts to want someone who doesn't want you. Also this OP thread was very difficult to read because there are no gaps/ paragraphs!!! Sorry- I know I was rambling- I added some spacing- sorry this may be why I have problems bc of my communication skills Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Can someone please enlighten me - since when does kissing someone during sex mean you want a relationship? Is this true?? I really believe that a guy that doesn't kiss you really doesn't like you. I told this guy that I believe that it really didn't matter if he wanted a relationship anyone because we love differently. He was like what are you talking about- and I said I love to kiss and I am loving- I would never want to be with someone in a relationship that did not like to kiss and he responded, "You don't know me- when I am in a relationship I am very loving and I love to kiss." So, I take it that the guy doesn't like me. He just called bc he missed talking to me and wanted to know about how everything was going with me. I got off the phone as soon as possible, because he is just screwing with me. He wants me to come over to his house because he misses me. What is so sad is I really like him, but I am not going to play this game anymore. He thinks I am totally in love with him. I am staying away. I don't understand this guy- he doesn't want me but he called my daughter and son to invite us over to his house a couple of weeks ago. I guess he really wants us to be friends, but his actions yell that he wants a relationship. I am not doing this to myself anymore. God, it hurts to want someone who doesn't want you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 He didn't text or call today- so, that is proof he lost interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostInMyThoughts Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 He didn't text or call today- so, that is proof he lost interest. Well don't jump to any conclusions just yet. He could be playing some stupid game, trying to judge how into him you are. I'm not trying to give you false hope but it's just been one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Thanks- I feel so stupid- I put my phone in the other room. Why is it like this?? Guys that like me I don't want and guys I really like lose interest. This sucks!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostInMyThoughts Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Thanks- I feel so stupid- I put my phone in the other room. Why is it like this?? Guys that like me I don't want and guys I really like lose interest. This sucks!!! Yeah, it's weird at first (i'm divorced...) but eventually things will work out and you'll meet someone who is into you, just as you are till then. Until then, it sounds like you're having some fun with these guys; so why not keep on enjoying it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 I found it to be a better approach - if I saw relationship potential -- to let a man I was interested in call me in advance for a date, do more of the calling and planning, take me out on a proper date (whether expensive, free or in between), then continue dating me about once a week with him doing more of the calling and planning than me, until we are dating steadily and headed towards something more committed. Nothing wrong with having early sex it just increases the risk of too much too soon, giving the wrong impression, destroying the taste of mystery and challenge - just a wee bit - that most men seem to like. I don't think this man was ever interested in pursuing a relationship with you - sounds like he liked the idea of a sex buddy he could romance when he happened to be in town anyway and you didn't require advance notice or any effort on his part. I agree with Blender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Guy text over an hour and half ago- just asked if I had a good day?? I haven't responded because I feel like I have been too available. Should I text back or just wait and see what he does next??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltandvinegar Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 DO NOTHING thats the only way you will get any "hand" back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Guy text over an hour and half ago- just asked if I had a good day?? I haven't responded because I feel like I have been too available. Should I text back or just wait and see what he does next??? I would respond only to a phone call where you have a brief conversation, then say you have to go, and see if he asks you out on a proper date in advance. I wouldn't settle for less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostInMyThoughts Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Guy text over an hour and half ago- just asked if I had a good day?? I haven't responded because I feel like I have been too available. Should I text back or just wait and see what he does next??? Text him back. Imagine if you texted him; would you want him to wait to see what happens next? You like this guy right? Why would you want to give him the impression that your not interested (since him not texting you gave you the impression you weren't interested, why would he feel differently?) This isn't about getting advantage over someone else. Unless you like playing games. You said you liked this guy, but now you don't want to seem too available...wow. Just text him back; if he wants to hang out, then if you want you can say you have plans, but maybe some other time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Text him back. Imagine if you texted him; would you want him to wait to see what happens next? You like this guy right? Why would you want to give him the impression that your not interested (since him not texting you gave you the impression you weren't interested, why would he feel differently?) This isn't about getting advantage over someone else. Unless you like playing games. You said you liked this guy, but now you don't want to seem too available...wow. My heart says text him back and have fun talking with him- I don't want to play games. I want to be honest and I liked this guy. But this is the deal- some guys lose interest when someone is acting like I am. I was really understanding about him not showing up Saturday. A week after we had sex there was a shift in our contact. It went from him making all the 1st calls or texts- to me making like half. So, he seemed to like me more when I wasn't really sure about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 I wouldn't play a game but if you decide that you would like to be treated with respect and like a lady, he shouldn't get the benefit of casually texting with you and asking you to hang out - if you do text back, write "thanks for your text - too busy to text- call if you want to talk." If you are interested in hanging out and hooking up, then definitely text back right away and tell him that. It sounds like you want more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devchonka Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 I'm going to make this as honest as i can before you get rid of him for good because of your own doing. Are you ******* stupid? When you push someone away and tell him it's okay if you don't want to be with me, and tell him oh youre just getting tired of me....what do you think you're doing? You're basically denying the feelings he has for you, making him feel like a complete * * * * telling him i know you don't feel anything for me. To be honest, he's probably frustrated by you pushign him away. I would be angry as all hell if someoen i cared about and made the time to go and see told me "hey its okay if you want to be with someone else". How would you feel if you were getting the kind of messages youre sending him. Stop trying to make sure you're not hurt and give this guy a chance. The guy fell asleep. What, you never fell asleep before accidentally? Here's the news girly: Guys like their sleep, and they care and love but sometimes things happen and they don't realize just how much women are effected by them not doing something silly and simple. Right now, i'm sure to him you seem like the woman that will argue and make a big deal of everything he doesn't do just right. And if i were him I would be upset too that you thought he would let his drunk uncle at you while he waited outside. You owe him an apology for acting like soem crazy woman that wants him to not care when he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devchonka Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Also, how about you stop sleeping with them as soon as you meet them? Of course you've been hurt, you don't even give enough time to weed out those that are just interested in sex. How about you get to know someone and set a no sex rule for two months? Those who stay like you, those who leave don't. Are you out to find the right guy or just out to date? OUt to date and mes around: then go ahead * * * * anyone you want, but i bet you will be hurt more times then you think. OUt for the right guy? Keep the present for those who stay long enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Devchonka Thanks- I totally understand a lot of the stuff you had to say- and basically I have been feeling totally crazy. But, why does it have to be so hard. He talks all week how he can't wait to see me and he gets here on a Wed. and he comes by my h'ouse for like 5 minutes on Friday-then Saturday he falls asleep. Yes, I want to be understanding- but, why would someone not see me?? Unless he lost interest. I don't want to just have sex- I want to be with a good guy that I like and enjoy. I guess I just think he'splaying me- because he says all the right stuff but his actions say he really doesn't like me. I just don't want to be making some guy feel good that is just using me as an ego boster. Your right I should just text him and say- I am so glad you texted me... how was your day...but you know what....he porbably want text me back because he will say he is asleep...but in my mind he is just talking to some other girl. I have some major trust issues. And I would rather just put it all out there than sit back and just wait for it to happen. I don't want some guy that don't want me.. thanks for the emotion- I smiled when I read your responses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeliamce Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Also, how about you stop sleeping with them as soon as you meet them? Of course you've been hurt, you don't even give enough time to weed out those that are just interested in sex. How about you get to know someone and set a no sex rule for two months? Those who stay like you, those who leave don't. I waited 7 years after my divorce to sleep w/the first guy and I had been friends with him since I was a kid. And we had been talking for over a year. But guess what- he didn't want a relationship. Just this weekend- he called to tell me that he thinks about me and just wanted me to know that he really isn't the guy for me. What the H****. Then a year ago- I start a friendship with a guy and talk with him for over 7months before we have sex. Guess what he doesn't want a relationship either. He wants us to be best friends. And no more sex because I just put so much into sex- like I get emotionally attached. He's already called a couple of times today. Just to talk. I just try to get off the phone with him. Because he wants my friendship and nothing more- and guess what it hurts me. You know who else called me like 6 times today my ex-husband. Who stills loves me and knows I will never find anyone who loves and wants me like he does. Guess what he may be right- because I can't seem to get anyone that wants to have a relationship w/ me- thats wrong they want the relationship but not the sex. So a month ago I meet this guy that is so loving and says all this great stuff. And I like him and want to feel connected to someone and after two weeks- I sleep with him. Now since these last two guys I planned that the guy would never call me back, but he called me the next day. You are right I should wait 2 months- I mean one time I waited 7 months- another a couple of years- and my ex several months. And guess what no lasting relationship. So, I slept with this guy after 3 weekends- him driving a 6 hr round trip here- and I wanted to. I wanted him- I liked the way he made me feel- and last weekend I was with him and I it was actually better. And I would porbably drive to his house tomorrow if he wanted me because I really like him and love the way he makes me feel but guess what I am afraid he doesn't like me anymore. And I like him enough that I don't want him to have to feel awkard and bad because he doesn't want me. So, I keep giving him opportunities to get out. I really don't know how he feels- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devchonka Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Here's the biggest thign i learned about guys: they really do mean well when they care, but you can't expect them to be as deep emotionally as you. For you it seems dispicable that he would fall asleep when he could have been with you and faling asleep is some kind of way of showing how much he doesn't care. But for him, he just fell asleep. Maybe a bad line up of days, he dropped by quickly friay thinking he'll see you more next day, and turned out he didn't. Don't push guys away, yes it's good to be a little pulled back in the beginning, but you can't just tell them: go ahead leave me. They will. I almost lost my husband because in the beginning i didn't want to be hurt and told him you can sleep with anyone you want until we're serious because i don't know when i can be open sexually. He was so angry at me for thinking of him like some guy thats just out to get into my pants. Haha, what i tell you i tell you from experience and hanging out with many many men. Ps. Nothign wrong with sleeping with guys Now that i read your posts it more clear about your sexual history. I was just afraid of you simply not being aware that it may be better to wait a little. But it seems like you're quite fine with that. Seems like you really had it bad with the men. I can't blame you for being very tired and defensive. I spent a hell of a lot f my life like that But don't treat each one like a killer threat. Look at the little things this guy does to see you. It's a very young relationship, who knows how it will go. But give him enough of a chance to hang around, and if he proves to be uncaring, move on, curse and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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