winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 SHORT: 1) Girlfriend has different size boobs. 2) She gets surgery to even them out. 3) Thinking about her with a fake/unnatural surgically altered boob makes me feel sick. Long version below. Girlfriend and i have been going out for almost a year. Things are good and fun. Her boobs are 2 different sizes, one's a b cup, others a c. This does not bother me one bit at all. I Love her for who she is. She tells me that she is having some surgery, nothing serious and reassures me that everything is ok and good. (doesn't tell me what the surgery is about until 9 days before shes scheduled for it) Turns out she's getting the b boob made bigger to match the other one (got my last time fooling around with her and her uneven boobies the last weekend before her surgery and i felt satisfied). She answered all of my concerns and questions to the best of her ability. Most guys would have no problem with this and be delighted to hear it. Theres my problem. As soon as she told me what her surgery was about the very next day i started to get anxiety attacks about her boob surgery. Talked to her about it and my anxiety went mostly away the day after she had her surgery. The rest of it went away after i got to be with her and that i felt 100% sure everything was good and well(I worry about her a lot). It's been 3 weeks since her surgery and when ever i start to think about her boobs i feel sick to my stomach. It makes me feel like she's fake and is no longer 'natural', not her self anymore. (although she's exactly the same but with even boobs) I've even thought that i don't want to be with her anymore because of her surgery. Then i think to my self "That's stupid, i Love her, all she did was even out her breasts, nothing else has changed" still i cant shake that sick feeling in my stomach when ever i think about her 'fake' boob. Will this feeling will just go away over time? Or am i going to have to talk to her about how i feel Any and all helpful advice would be appreciated. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valiantv Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 If it was me, I wouldn't tell her... I'd try to get over it and probably succeed... You'd only be passing your own neuroses onto her. She felt self-conscious enough to get the surgery, imagine how she would feel if you told her her boobs make you feel sick! Instead of worrying about it, just think of, and tell yourself how great her boobs look! Look at them a few times and get used to the idea... I mean they probably look totally normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I can't imagine how a little bag of saline or siicone would matter if it makes her happy. Give a little! What would you do if it was a radical mastectomy? Geeze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I don't think you should tell her how you feel. Either get over it, or let her be with someone who doesn't think of her like that. Its not about YOU its about HER. it sounds a little selfish to be honest... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Would it bother you less if both boobs were made larger by implants? It's the fact that i Love her for who she is, wouldn't change a thing about her. Then she goes out and *changes*(i don't blame her). I don't hate her for doing it and i understand that the only reason she did it is because it was something that she was uncomfortable with and really bothered her. So this sort of thing is something that I'll just have to accept? How long do you think this feeling will take to pass? it sounds a little selfish to be honest... I know it's a stupid thing to worry about but I can't help it, it's just the way i feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I guess I am having trouble getting my head around this...it is okay as long as the reconstructive surgery is perfect. The second woman is doing it out of vanity...the first one had a double mastectomy (nobody has that unless there is a serious concern like cancer) and she gets dumped all because of her boobs. This is what many women fear....getting breast cancer and having their husbands or partners dump them because they had to have their breasts lopped off in order to save their life...that the guy would be more concerned about maintaining his "toys" rather than maintaining his partner. As for the original poster...how about some empathy for your girlfriend. Do you think the surgery was that easy for her? Do you think it was pleasant walking around with uneven breasts? Do you think she felt insecure about her femininity because of uneven breasts. Insead of viewing her breasts as your property, why not view them as what they really are...a part of HER body and something SHE needed to feel comfortable about. Do not even mention how you feel...this should not be about you...you should be supporting her and if you find her "defective" just because she needed surgery to correct something unnatural about her breasts, then that is your issue, not hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I think the bottom line is that your girlfriend felt the need to have the surgery not to enhance her breasts or 'make them fake and huge', but to even out what mother nature missed, in essense. It's about her and her desire to feel 'normal' and have even breasts, and really has nothing to do with you. I'm curious, I see you are 18. How old is she? Often times a woman's breasts don't stop growing until their early 20's, it's possible she would have evened out, even if just a bit more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I tihnk after she is healed and a few months have passed you'll forget about this anxiety. I wouldn't tell her about it. Wait to see if it passes, because i think it will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Insead of viewing her breasts as your property I did not mean to come off like that. I would like it to be known that i have never viewed her or any part of her as 'property' a person or parts there of is not something that you can own. You love someone for who they are, and then they change.... Now what? hope75 she is 18 at the end of december Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I totally understand where you're coming from, but the ones that are "flaming you" don't get the fact that you can't help the way you feel about what you perceive as "imperfections". You aren't "coming off" as anything but a guy who is battling conflicting feelings and is hung up on a relatively minor cosmetic problem. You are going to get some heat. Look for useful answers and ignore the ones that are passing judgement on you. I wonder how many men would appreciate if a woman dumped them because of penis size, back hair, scar from a surgery, testicular cancer, not enough chest hair, too much chest hair, baldness etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I did not mean to come off like that. I would like it to be known that i have never viewed her or any part of her as 'property' a person or parts there of is not something that you can own. You love someone for who they are, and then they change.... Now what? hope75 she is 18 at the end of december She is still the same person- having minor corrective surgery isn't going to change who she is, would you not agree? On a side note, I'm curious why her doctor did not recommend waiting until she was done fully developing until she had the surgery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 You're not making a reasonable comparison. Your examples are preexisting. The OP is having a problem with something that changed, with the exception of a surgical scar or testicular cancer. And in the case of testicular cancer, it isn't unreasonable to assume that a woman may in fact, "dump" a guy if he's had major damage to his genitals. He didn't have a problem with the unequal breast size, he's got a problem with the surgical correction. how is she not making a reasonable comparison?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Hope75 Not sure about the doctor thing, i had literally 100's of questions, and for 4/5'ths of the ones she didn't have answers for, i googled for the answers. And yeah she's still the same but physically different which means a change. Regarding your curiosity >> My girlfriend told me that she's had this surgery as an option for 3 years, plenty of doctor appointments. It wasn't a sudden thing. I wonder how many men would appreciate if a woman dumped them because of penis size, back hair, scar from a surgery, testicular cancer, not enough chest hair, too much chest hair, baldness etc. If a girl dumped me for any of these reasons then good ridden, if she doesn't like me for who i am then take a hike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 You're not making a reasonable comparison. Your examples are preexisting. The OP is having a problem with something that changed, with the exception of a surgical scar or testicular cancer. And in the case of testicular cancer, it isn't unreasonable to assume that a woman may in fact, "dump" a guy if he's had major damage to his genitals. He didn't have a problem with the unequal breast size, he's got a problem with the surgical correction. You see, this is what I find bizarre. I knew somebody who had one leg longer than the other so she had to wear special shoes to account for the difference in her foot size. Of course there are all kinds of limitations if you have one foot longer than the other. Eventually she had surgery to correct that defect. I think correcting a defect which hampers an individual is more important than some outsider saying, well gee, now you look fake, I preferred when you were defective regardless of how that impacted your well-being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Manny You seem to be a very reasonable person, thank you for all of the advice/input you've given. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 You see, this is what I find bizarre...I preferred when you were defective regardless of how that impacted your well-being. You can see it what ever way you like. I feel the way i feel, cant help it. Manny, not sure if reasonable was the right word. Either way i find your input helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Because most of his examples are pre-existing conditions. The OP is dating a woman who underwent cosmetic surgery, well AFTER they met. But the cosmetic surgery was to improve a defect that was having repercussions on her life. As for my examples of so-called pre-existing conditions...they are not necessarily pre-existing...some of of those examples such as testicular cancer and baldness may not have been there during the initial dating stages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Because most of his examples are pre-existing conditions. The OP is dating a woman who underwent cosmetic surgery, well AFTER they met. You know what? You are right. If the OP is not comfortable with the new change his gf has undergone has a choice to make, he can either learn to accept it and love her with it/despite it, or he can end the relationship because he is not able to accept it. Personally, if my partner ended our relationship based on something like this it would sadden me because I feel our relationship is based on so much more than the size/design of my breasts. But to each his own, and we can't fault the OP if he can't accept his girl for who she is, so long as he has the courtesy to end the relationship and allow her to find someone who will not find it important, but a very small, insignificant part of who she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 You can see it what ever way you like. I feel the way i feel, cant help it. Manny, not sure if reasonable was the right word. Either way i find your input helpful. Well, if you can't help it, and you can't get beyond yourself and look at the bigger picture then maybe you are not ready for a real relationship where health issues do come up and people can change during the course of a relationship due to age and physical issues. People do not stay exactly the same year in and year out, that's just life. If you can't deal with the fact that her breasts have changed, then maybe start fresh with a new pair of perky breasts (oops, I mean a new girlfriend). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Glad to be of help. But nothing anyone can say is going to change the way you feel. Either you will learn to accept and deal with it, or you wont. Consider the "partially dressed" during sex idea. It works for me. And again, I think women are much sexier when they are partially dressed, whether it's a t-shirt and panties or lingerie. I can't believe you told a former girlfriend to 'cover up' for you so you'd find her more appealing... and she did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Well, if you can't help it, and you can't get beyond yourself Just because the thought of breaking up with her flashed through my mind doesn't mean I'll break up with her. Who knows how I'll feel about it a month down the road, most likely it will all be behind me, but until then this is the matter at hand. Or maybe your right, I'm a young naive 18 year old guy with only the thought of BOOBIES!!! on my mind and I'm so shallow that I'll break up with her over it and that love means nothing. You can think what you want but i personally don't care much for your opinion. You tried though, guess thats all that counts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Just because the thought of breaking up with her flashed through my mind doesn't mean I'll break up with her. Who knows how I'll feel about it a month down the road, most likely it will all be behind me, but until then this is the matter at hand. Or maybe your right, I'm a young naive 18 year old guy with only the thought of BOOBIES!!! on my mind and I'm so shallow that I'll break up with her over it and that love means nothing. You can think what you want but i personally don't care much for your opinion. You tried though, guess thats all that counts. why did you post this if you don't care for someone else's opinon??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Ok, only the prexisting ones were bad examples. The baldness and surgical scars aren't good examples because the op is talking about a major cosmetic surgical change, and neither one of those qualify. The only one that is comparable is testicular cancer, IF it results in the need for cosmetic surgery to restore a testicle, if such surgery even exists. And if it did occur, and if the surgery did exist, making your example relevant, I would imagine some women would in fact, find this condition unacceptable and would dump the guy, making your example a good one, but in support of the OP. Is bringing one breast up one cup size to match the other breast really a major cosmetic surgical change though? And FYI, testicular implants are available for cancer patients who lose a testicle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 why did you post this if you don't care for someone else's opinon Because i felt like it, letting her know how i feel. Getting communication going or was i in the wrong to pretty much say "I don't like your advice"? How do you include the "Origionally posted by *USERNAME* or is it something that you have to write in manually? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fnlyfrei Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Hope75 If a girl dumped me for any of these reasons then good ridden, if she doesn't like me for who i am then take a hike. Ditto for her. Hope she takes your advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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