Dating a black girl

[lavalamp777]

I noticed there is no interracial dating section on this website, but what are your thoughts on a white guy like me, dating a black girl? Does anyone have any experiences or thoughts on this subject? I am personally open minded, I don't care about ethnicity, but I can see how it would present problems with friends/family and your social view.

 

Also is it bad if I find it appealing to date girls outside of my ethnic race? I mean it's not something I focus on, but I think it's cool if I can experience something else.

[shikashika]

why do your friends and family have a problem with it?

 

It shouldn't even be an issue

[Konfetkette]

If you like her, who cares? You'd be the one dating her, not your friends or family!

[Lana0120]

It's what's inside that counts, at the end of the day. If you find yourself more attracted to girls who are not white, then that's fine too. As the above post says, it should not even be an issue. Just go out with someone who makes you happy, regardless of race.

[fnlyfrei]

I think you should date someone because you like that person. If you choose an ethnic group outside of your own because they appeal to you...cool. If you are doing it to just be fashionable or to try to stir things up...that isn't cool. Interracial couples are a lot less taboo than it used to be...they hardly turn heads where I live. Love is love, and attraction is attraction.

[fivespot]

I agree...I'm white and my ex was an arab. It didn't matter, and it certainly didn't make me love her any less.

[lavalamp777]

Its funny you mention people don't notice or turn heads, because I live in Toronto which is the 2nd most multicultural place in North America, you would think that by now no one would care, but from all the dates ive went on with black girls, I got alot of stares and looks and pretty bad cut eye from the black guys lol.

[LonelyMoondancer]

I personally have no problem dating outside my race. It's a big issue for my parents, though, and while I understand that it would be my relationship and not theirs, my parents are important to me and I hope for their sake that someone of our race can make me happy. Regardless, it's my decision and I'll do whatever I think is right. If you really have no problem with it, then I guess it depends on whether or not you care about the opinions of others. How would your parents feel?

[Ampire]

Its funny you mention people don't notice or turn heads, because I live in Toronto which is the 2nd most multicultural place in North America, you would think that by now no one would care, but from all the dates ive went on with black girls, I got alot of stares and looks and pretty bad cut eye from the black guys lol.

 

yup - toronto - even ontario as a whole (im from hamilton) is one the biggest multicultural places in the world and there is still racism everywhere its pretty disturbing actually....

 

people will raise an eyebrow but forget them.

[Lucy_lou]

It's difficult to give advice when we don't know where you're from, and don't know the particularities of racial issues where you are. It's different everywhere. All I can advise is that if you live in a place where there is a common class difference between black & white (& the others), then it's important to be mindful of the class & power differences, and to be mindful not to exacerbate them in your relationship, but to try to balance things out somehow.

 

As for inter racial attraction, there was a recent podcast on Dan Savage's show where his guest Science was talking about the evolutionary benefits of breeding with your racial polar opposites to have healthier children (i.e. mutts are stronger than purebreads).

 

Yeah, it's normal to be attracted to black people if you're white and vice versa. (or any other racially different combinations). On the other hand, there are power differences in some places as I said. And I think in these situations it's valid to want to stick with your own. Kind of a cameradery thing. I can see why maybe black guys would get pissed to see a black girl with a white guy. It's like traitor!

[fnlyfrei]

My son has really only dated dark-skinned girls. His first girlfriend was Korean-hispanic...and his second was hispanic. Even as a little toddler, he was completely enraptured with dark-haired little girls. (My son is of Danish/Dutch/German heritage, and has blonde hair) I hope whomever he marries, they will love and respect each other. But there are cultural differences that he does have to contend with...his hispanic girlfriends family was VERY close and protective. I had a hispanic boyfriend who assures me that is the norm. When you marry or have a relationship, the family is an aspect that you have to decide if you can handle it or not. Some cannot, no matter how much they love the other person.

[JadedStar]

I see nothing wrong with it, but then again I won't be walking in your shoes.

 

People who date with a huge age gap, out of their race, who date same gender, etc always MUST develop a thick skin because there will always be some bozo you meet who feels it is a problem that they need to solve for you.

 

If you can be strong enough to deal wtih criticisms from some people - maybe even some from your own friends and family - then go for it.

 

I won't talk to you with rose colored glasses on because fact is there are still a lot of closed minded people in the world who will force their opinions on you. If you can learn how to stand up to it or ignore it you'll be fine.

[agent1607307371]

Also is it bad if I find it appealing to date girls outside of my ethnic race? I mean it's not something I focus on, but I think it's cool if I can experience something else.

 

It's definitely not appealing.

 

Fetishising someone because of their colour/culture is, in a way, turning them into curiosities you want to experience rather than people you want to date.

 

Keep it firmly person first, culture second.

[Gracelove]

I'm sooo glad you posted this! I've been having thoughts about this topic a lot lately.

 

I am an African American woman, and I might possible end up dating & marrying an Italian man that I really love.

 

It is definitely something to think about.

 

I know, that in my culture, it is extremely taboo. It isn't discussed publicly, but behind closed doors.

If you date outside of your race, espicially a caucasian, you are reallllly looked down upon.

 

People think that you aren't proud of your heritage, that you are weak, and you can even be labeled as a traitor.

 

So, it's definitely not a good thing.

 

I mean, everyone is really loving and accepting when it comes to socializing with other ethnicities. But if you decide to date one, it is Totally different.

 

So, I've only dated within my own ethnicity. I find black men to be extremely attractive.

 

But after my last relationship (and after seeing a Dr. Phil show), I decided that race wouldn't matter when it came to dating, not for me, not any longer.

 

And what do you know, shortly after, I end up falling in love with an Italian man. Although I didn't know his ethnicity at first.

 

But I love him, and we gel.

 

I already know how things will be if we start dating. I am up for the challenge.

But I also wonder if it will eventually wear on our relationship.

 

We are in love, and everything is great when you're in love. But what of the future. What if we get married, then what?

 

What about our children?

 

As an African American you are taught that you are black, that's it and that's all, no matter what else you are mixed with. Society views you as black, regardless.

 

And, if we have kids, how will I raise them?

 

I feel very secure in my hertitage, I'm comfortable with my ethnicity, the one I identify with most.

 

I am mixed with 5 other different ethnicities, but it is strongly implied that they don't matter. Now that I'm older, and I'm learning to be more comfortable in myself. I realize that they other ethnicities in me, do matter. Their genes are in me, they never go away.

 

I was raised to be very proud of my African heritage. So, what will I do, like, how can I help my children understand the ways of the world if they are mixed.

 

I mean wouldn't that be confusing for children? Having a black mother and a white father? I want them to embrace their hertitage, all of it.

 

But then I don't want them to go around saying they are Italian, people will look at them crazy. And then what if they choose to relate with one heritage more than the other? If my children didn't want to identify with their African hertitage that would make me so very sad.

 

I mean, I am an African America right? And just now, I am trying to be inclusive when it comes to honoring all of my ancestors.

 

How difficult will it be for obviously mixed kids? I don't know, it's really very scary when you think about it.

 

So ya, I don't know either. I'm in love with this man, and I want to follow my heart regardless of what others think. But I don't know if I'm prepared to handle all that will entail...scary.

 

Especially when it comes to children. There are a lot of views out there, and children are so sweet and innocent. I don't want them feeling like pariahs. I don't want people saying mean things, to or about them because of the way they look, or the way their parents look. That would just kill me inside.

I'm an adult, I'm strong, I can live with my choices. But children are so innocent, and I'm afraid that interracial parents could make them an easy target.

[lavalamp777]

It's definitely not appealing.

 

Fetishising someone because of their colour/culture is, in a way, turning them into curiosities you want to experience rather than people you want to date.

 

Keep it firmly person first, culture second.

 

Obviously Im focusing on the person, but my whole sense of general attraction leans towards darker skinned girls, and I am blonde hair and blue eyed. Im not talking about getting into someones pants and thats it, I actually want to date these girls and have a relationship with them because of who they are, but all Im saying is their ethnicity is like a bonus to me, and if I have a fetish for it why is that so bad? Maybe Ill spend the rest of my life with someone that I have a fetish for and thats a bad thing? You know what Im trying to say...

[lavalamp777]

Yup, one of girls Im seeing is cuban/jamaican mix with some white in her also. It's funny because when I look at her I can see those features very clearly, and like to talk about the other parts of her heridity, but she just seems to focus on the jamaican side of herself, along with all her friends and family, its like having some european or cuban in you never really existed.

 

But I agree what you say about the kids, thats basically what my mom told me and her views against dating a black girl. She said the kids might have issues growing up being confused about who they belong to etc. And I really hate the whole theory of if you have some black in you then your labaled as "black". Honestly if I were to have kids I would make it a part of my life to teach them about my culture as much as possible, and about my wifes culture also if she was on board with it.

[fnlyfrei]

It's definitely not appealing.

 

Fetishising someone because of their colour/culture is, in a way, turning them into curiosities you want to experience rather than people you want to date.

 

Keep it firmly person first, culture second.

 

 

I guess there must be a close line between fetishing and just preferring someone who looks a certain way. Some men like only blondes, some MUST have a woman with large breasts...my son for a while was crazy for asian girls. I have heard people defend the initial shallowness of attraction to the enth degree....isn't preferring to date someone who excites you with their differences kind of the same as preferring someone who is a certain body type, or hair color? I love dark haired men, but for some reason, my first AND second husbands are nordic looking blondes. (must be sub-conscious?)

Once a person gets past appearances, and into the meat of a real relationship..that's when it matters. You still have to get along with another human being. Isn't so easy no matter how alike you think you are sometimes.

[Gracelove]

Hey There!!!

 

LOL! That's funny. I guess that it's the same with it comes to white families and black families.

 

In our culture you constantly hear, "Mixed kids are confused" or "I don't want any messed up mixed kids".

 

It's really sad.

 

Ya, that's the way it goes. I can relate to your girlfriend. I know that once, I think when I was about 15 years old.

 

I put on this website that I was black, native american, and white.

 

My dad didn't mind the black and native american, but putting white was like, a Big no-no.

 

So ya, I always walked around being aware of my German, Scottish, and Irish ancestors, but I was lead to believe that they really didn't count.

 

It wasn't until a college genetics class, that I realized these people are apart of me, and if not for them I wouldn't be here.

 

So I decided to love ALL of my ancestors. They are all special to me, and they are apart of me, and I shouldn't be ashamed.

 

So I guess that's just a community thing you know? I'm pretty sure that all of us humans are all mixed up. But for some reason, it isn't okay to acknowledge the part of you that isn't readily identifiable.

 

When you are a teenager you go through the phase when you really want to know about yourself.

 

What features look like your mother, which looks like your father.

 

I was always told about my black features, or my native american features, but not the others.

 

In college we took a trip somewhere. And out of the blue this older black man asked me if I were German.

It question shocked me, because we weren't talking about race and I didn't know how he knew.

 

I told him that I was, but I almost felt embarrassed admitting it.

 

I asked him how he knew, and all he said was, "I've been working with people for 30 years". He wouldn't tell me anything else.

 

And 'til this day, I want to know how he knew. I can't look at my face and see what he saw that looks like that part of my heritage.

 

I don't know, it's almost like you are taught to be ashamed of the part of you that isn't black or native american.

 

So, I really don't want to fall into that category. But um, how do you fix that?

 

Like, if I have children of different ethnicities, or a white husband. How will I handle it? I know my community won't accept it at all. I just don't want others to be able to influence me.

 

I'm an intelligent person, so it shouldn't bother me at all, but it is an issue.

 

You said your mom mentioned the difficulties on the children. Ahhh! LOL!

EVERY mother is concerned about their grandchildren before they even arrive.

 

In all honesty. If I were to marry a white man, there is a possibility my mother would write me out of her will.

 

She told my brother that she would do that to him, hopefully she has changed her mind.

 

I don't know, I try to be understanding.

 

My parents were alive when there was segregation, and white people would kill blacks because of their skin color.

 

But both of them are white, whether they like it or not! LoL! I mean, you can't deny your heritage, even if you are ashamed of it. So, you can see, it all gets extremely confusing.

[JadedStar]

I just realized the OP doesn't have a liking to a specific girl and seems to be wanting to do this out of curiosity.

 

I don't recommend it if you are only doing this for an experiment.

 

If you meet a girl of color who really enamors you and interests you then go for it, but please don't date someone specifically FOR their color. It isn't fair to her if you are not really crazy about her. Saying "it would be cool to experience something else" doesn't sound like the best reason.

[Considerate Empath]

Whenever someone raises an eyebrow at you, just think about how it would look on The Rock in the movie Be Cool

[valiantv]

The only issue I can see with dating outside your ethnicity is that differences in culture might cause problems... like a man from a culture where women are treated as second class citizens might not get on with a girl from western Europe... Or a staunch catholic might not want to have sex before marriage or something

 

But the way I see it, if you love someone, you already know about, and have come to terms with these differences, and can live with them.

[Killasasparilla]

I live in Louisiana and my Dad actually encourages me to date outside my ethnicity.

[JadedStar]

I live in Louisiana and my Dad actually encourages me to date outside my ethnicity.

 

Why does he encourage it? Doesn't he prefer you date whomever you are attracted to? Be them white, black or asian...or whatever race?

 

I could never see encouraging my kids to date any specific race, i always just told them to make sure they go with their heart and commonsense.

[Killasasparilla]

Why does he encourage it? Doesn't he prefer you date whomever you are attracted to? Be them white, black or asian...or whatever race?

 

I could never see encouraging my kids to date any specific race, i always just told them to make sure they go with their heart and commonsense.

 

My Dad encourages it in the way of "If you like 'em, date 'em," not "DATE BLACK FEMALES! NOW!!!!!"

[JadedStar]

My Dad encourages it in the way of "If you like 'em, date 'em," not "DATE BLACK FEMALES! NOW!!!!!"

 

Okay, that makes more sense. LOL