Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Do you think it is possible to screw up your destiny? You know, like suppose you meet someone who's so incredibly perfect for you that words don't describe it. Suppose everything from the way you met through the compatibilities you share, to the sheer level of physical attraction has you believing that a higher power must have a part in it.... And then suppose because of fear or pride, you both stand a chance of losing each other forever. Did you screw up your own destiny? Or is the simple fact that you end up losing each other testament to the fact that you were never each others' destiny in the first place? And if you ARE in fact each others' destiny, do you believe that you will ultimately be together in spite of yourselves? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Well Jayar i am far too much of a realist to believe one person is my destiny. I believe that if i am lucky enough to meet a man (as i did) that seems good for me and I him then I will work very hard to make it work and not rely on the stars or any other celestial force to keep us afloat. I don't think we screw up destiny but i think we are capable of screwing up a relationship if we act irrationally or unrealistically. Not saying YOU are doing that because I have no idea what you mean by screwing up your destiny in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropy Smith Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Destiny implies a predetermined outcome thereforeeee if you believe in destiny its impossible to screw it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Destiny implies a predetermined outcome thereforeeee if you believe in destiny its impossible to screw it up. I agree - i don't totally believe in destiny though. And then suppose because of fear or pride, you both stand a chance of losing each other forever. what do you mean by this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Destiny implies a predetermined outcome thereforeeee if you believe in destiny its impossible to screw it up. Good point. If it is destiny that would imply it will be regardless of our actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Well, I dont' like to think like that, my problem is is analysis paralysis! I think and think adn think and analyse everything to death. i hope i haven't screwed anything up, although I do wonder sometimes, being in my 30s and wondering if i let a certain someon get away. I definitely think I had a window open and it shut already. I don't know if I can open that window again however, it will be very tough and heavy!! but then i start to think, "welll what if i was wrong?" anyway, Jayar, is there a special somone you felt you messed with destiny? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 Well Jayar i am far too much of a realist to believe one person is my destiny. I believe that if i am lucky enough to meet a man (as i did) that seems good for me and I him then I will work very hard to make it work and not rely on the stars or any other celestial force to keep us afloat. I don't think we screw up destiny but i think we are capable of screwing up a relationship if we act irrationally or unrealistically. Not saying YOU are doing that because I have no idea what you mean by screwing up your destiny in the first place. I get what you're saying, Jaded. But I've been into guys before and this was different. With him it was like the entire universe existed just to bring us together. Up until recently I believed he thought so too. As for screwing it up? I don't think either one of us is really on top of our game right now. I am not sure if "irrational" or "unrealistic" would be the right words, but whatever we are right now it isn't what we should be. And maybe we're both stubborn and tenacious enough that neither one of us is willing to yield. Or maybe something really did change in his heart. At this point I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 You're given opportunities. It's up to you to make something of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I get what you're saying, Jaded. But I've been into guys before and this was different. With him it was like the entire universe existed just to bring us together. Up until recently I believed he thought so too. As for screwing it up? I don't think either one of us is really on top of our game right now. I am not sure if "irrational" or "unrealistic" would be the right words, but whatever we are right now it isn't what we should be. And maybe we're both stubborn and tenacious enough that neither one of us is willing to yield. Or maybe something really did change in his heart. At this point I don't know. With him it was like the entire universe existed just to bring us together. Well dearheart, call me jaded (lol no pun intended) but that alone would have me wondering about what is happening because that would seem over the top to me. But i understand what you are saying to some degree, but i guess since i don't believe the universe would exist to bring me with an SO that is why i can't really understand it as fully as you are telling it. I know many people have felt this way early on and the rug was pulled under them for various reasons. This does happen a lot. I think if you get your mindset to thikning that this is not so much destiny as it is a relationship that seemed really good but will need hard work like any other relationship then you might be better on your way to fixing it. Good luck sweetie. I wish you nothing but the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 What do you mean by this? Well, suppose one of you does something that hurts the other deeply. Maybe it's based in fear, or maybe pride, or maybe anger... Or maybe some outside third-party influence. But the point is it really hurts the other person, and they react by saying some pretty hurtful things. And then because of pride on both sides, maybe both people are willing to let the other walk. Neither is willing to extend the olive branch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 anyway, Jayar, is there a special somone you felt you messed with destiny? Yeah... Really special. So special I don't think they MAKE a word for how I feel about him. But I suppose that's all moot now, because I don't imagine I will ever speak to him again. Either because it wasn't written in the stars, or because we screwed things up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 You're given opportunities. It's up to you to make something of them. I agree... sometimes, though, being human, we just do dumb things around the people we are into... I know I have! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Yeah... Really special. So special I don't think they MAKE a word for how I feel about him. But I suppose that's all moot now, because I don't imagine I will ever speak to him again. Either because it wasn't written in the stars, or because we screwed things up. why do you think you screwed things up? I have felt like that too, though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Well, suppose one of you does something that hurts the other deeply. Maybe it's based in fear, or maybe pride, or maybe anger... Or maybe some outside third-party influence. But the point is it really hurts the other person, and they react by saying some pretty hurtful things. And then because of pride on both sides, maybe both people are willing to let the other walk. Neither is willing to extend the olive branch. Okay, you may not like entirely what i am going to say, but i find that ANY relationship requires more flexibility than this. Now depending upon how severe this hurtful thing is I think that if we really love someone we realize that people might screw up and say the wrong thing, but the ability to forgive IMO would be real important trait for a "soul mate" to possess. Not sure which of you are being immovable but whomever it is you need to be much more flexible if you want this to work. Unless my SO cheated on me, hit me or degraded me to a point i coudn't forgive there is really not much else i couldn't forgive after a cool off period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 I know many people have felt this way early on and the rug was pulled under them for various reasons. This does happen a lot. Jaded or not, you're right. I suppose I am no different than anyone else on here who believes they're in love, just to realize they fell in love all by themselves. Maybe his purpose was to instill a sympathy for those people in myself, because until now I never realized how much it could hurt to realize someone is "just not that into you." Maybe I earned this for throwing that phrase around so lightly for the last year and a half. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 Not sure which of you are being immovable but whomever it is you need to be much more flexible if you want this to work. I am being the immovable one. He's just completely unreachable. I don't know which is worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I am being the immovable one. He's just completely unreachable. I don't know which is worse. Well, neither of those things will result in a happy outcome. Above all tho, don't feel guilt as your next to last post sounded....I don't think the universe is out to get even with ya hon. And it is always darkest before dawn, had to throw that out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 why do you think you screwed things up? Because I broke up with him. Via the internet, of all things. Because he is completely unreachable otherwise. And I did it because short of being dead or having been abducted by aliens and subjected to a frontal lobotomy, I don't know if there's anything that he could say that would make me forgive his disappearing. Not that I've had to put that theory to the test, since he hasn't even TRIED to reach me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Oh and jayar, since you said neither of you are willing to extend the olive branch the only advice i can give you is go ahead and extend it and be the bigger person....if he means that much to you, do it. You'll regret it later if you don't. Pride is way over rated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I wrote above post before reading your last. Well if he has gone MIA there is nothing you can do at this point, and if i person i loved just stopped getting in touch i'd assume a break up anyway. Let's hope there is good reason on his part. Here's to his lobotomy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 if you really think that you have a special connection with him, then give it another chance. apologize to him, meet him halfway, and maybe he will apologize to you for mistakes he made in the relationship. i mean, it's worth a try. i believe if you really think someone is the one for you, you should give it a real chance, and apologize for what when wrong. if he doesn't want to try again, well, at least you tried, and you can move on knowing you did everything to make things work. i think the worst feeling is sometimes wondering years down the line, 'what would have happened if......?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 Well if he has gone MIA there is nothing you can do at this point, and if i person i loved just stopped getting in touch i'd assume a break up anyway. That's kind of what I did. As much as I love him, losing him felt like the lesser of two evils between that and allowing myself to feel the way I have felt for the last few days even a minute longer. As for the lobotomy... You know, in spite of everything I feel right now, my concern for his safety is still at the forefront of my mind. I'm trying to push it out, or at least back, but I just can't shake this nagging feeling that something happened... Maybe it's how he was the last time I spoke to him; like he wasn't himself. Then again, maybe I am crazy. Or maybe (probably most likely) I am trying to convince myself that something- ANYTHING happened, just so that I don't feel so betrayed. But I mean, there's no reason he would not at least have said goodbye. He would know how painful it would be to me for him to just disappear. And even if he DID decide that he didn't LOVE me, I would certainly not think he had reason to HATE me and want to hurt me like that. But then again, those thoughts are probably all silliness, because the odds truly are that he's fine, and has just decided we weren't such a great idea after all. Maybe part of loving him is letting him go without a struggle, if that is what he wants. Maybe I owe him that much. :sad: It's fair to say that my feelings are contingent on his being okay, and his having decided he doesn't love me. If something happened to him, then I almost certainly broke his heart myself by not having faith in him. Jeezus... I cannot go back on that now. He would never forgive me. I just wish I knew what was going on. And Lord knows I'd rather have him be okay and not in love, than in love and not okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyondthesea Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Destiny and fate only take someone so far. Destiny can be standing there, staring you in the face...it's up to you to make it happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana0120 Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 How long has he been MIA for Jayar? Is he completely unreachable? If there is some way you can get in touch with him and know that he's all right, I think you should do it. On the one hand, something may have happened to him, but on the other hand, it could be that his feelings have changed. Either way, the not knowing is going to kill you and you need to try and at least get some closure, if you can. If there is no way that you can get closure, then perhaps just send a follow up e-mail saying you're concerned. I think some things are destined, but some things you have to work at. I think that yes, you could meet someone and that the meeting itself was meant to be, BUT that it's still down to you to do something about it. Also, I don't think that there is necessarily only one person out there who is right for you, who you can feel a connection with and be happy with, but I don't believe that there are many such people and that if you can, it's something to work at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasus Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Because I broke up with him. Via the internet, of all things. Because he is completely unreachable otherwise. And I did it because short of being dead or having been abducted by aliens and subjected to a frontal lobotomy, I don't know if there's anything that he could say that would make me forgive his disappearing. Not that I've had to put that theory to the test, since he hasn't even TRIED to reach me. Personally - I don't believe in destiny. That would mean that I can't do anything to change the possible outcome. Scary, isn't it? But again, if I take a gun and shoot somebody, or myself - i'll change it. Or I won't if that was a real destiny to shoot somebody? (No, I won't take my gun and shoot somebody ;-) ). Thinking like that will give you the same catch 22 as time travel. That's something that our minds can't process because we're too limited. So - for me, there is no destiny. And now, one shot that might seem out of the blue, but I've red a *lot* of your posts durring the year and noticed something. You seem to always go for guys that "keep you on your toes" and have some non-avability factor in themselves. The thing is there are various resons that could be true - maybe they like that way, maybe they are commitment phobes, maybe they are not just that much into you. Going for such guys is very very risky because you never know why they keep you on your feet. Think about it. P. P.S: If I'm totally off, just forget it ;-). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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