Don't Like the Way I Feel

[thouse]

](*,) I posted in Getting Back Together about my story, but I guess I will put it here also as I have come to a conclusion. I dated my ex on and off for 4 years. In the beginning we were both in other relationships, but found comfort in each other because we had been friends for 15 years, and neither one of our relationships were fulfilling. Both of our SO's ending up leaving his left in a more hurtful way as I was totally over mine, his however went and got pregnant and married another guy. Needless to say this affected him terribly. Anyhow what he needed at that point was space, but I wanted a committment so I pushed and of course he pulled and I left him. I did NC for about 3 months with occasional LC becaus we have the same mutual friends as he was raised with my cousins like family so it inevitable that I will see him.

 

Last week I was at a party that my family was having and of course he was there we communicated alot and flirted we had a good time like we used to have it was fun. His children are really attached to me, and so one of them wanted to spend the night with me like they used to. I said alright. The next day his dad comes to pick him up and we have sex. I know it was a bad choice, but we are really attracted to each other. After we have sex he starts talking about how the biggest mistake that he made was not committing to me, and that he was just a lot more hurt about the way things ended with his SO than he let on, he says that he has had time to deal with things and thinks he is better. This all seemed to me like maybe he wants to try again but I can't handle putting myself out there again.

 

I don't call him for two days after we were together because I was taking things for what they were just sex. He then calls me on the second day and asks me was I just using him for sex I say no, but I have a real problem opening up to him. I thought about us maybe trying again so I called him the next day and asked him could we do lunch he said ok. However he had a meeting that was last minute and couldn't do lunch. I sent him the meanest text I could type, and though he may have had a legitimate reason for why he couldn't make it. It's those disappointments that I associate with him that triggers that behavoir.

 

When I am involved or in contact with him, I feel confused, anxious, I feel worthless. I know he's not responsible for my feelings but I don't like the person that I am with him. I know I need to set standards and expectations for the men I deal with it.

 

Anyhow I know that I will see him again and he will ask why I haven't been in contact with him and I plan on telling him honestly and from my heart why. No more facades or pretending. No more acting like things don't phase and hurt me because they do. I have to learn how to be vulnerable so that I can let a man or anyone in.

 

Thanks for listening

[LDRnewbi]

it's difficult when the person you're dating is close to your family..trust me i'm going through that right now!

 

and it's obvious you'll be seeing him again at weddings or family events. And i'm sure you don't want there to be this tension between the 2 of you. But there always will be. But enough about that.

 

It's hard telling someone the truth. you don't want to seem weak or needy and you want them to think that you can live without them. But maybe the next time you do see him, be honest. maybe set up some alone time so you can talk to him honestly and even if you cry, that's ok. Let him know that he hurt you and disappoints you. Let him feel the pain as well. then maybe he'll realize his mistakes and if he really wants to make things work he'll think twice before he does anything to hurt you again.

 

hope this helps

[thouse]

I know you're right, he needs to really feel me. This is not about us getting back together at this point, but I need to feel like I let him know the real me. In four years he has never seen me cry, and anything hurtful that was done to me I just took it in stride, like nothing phases me. It's not the case though I have all this anger and bitterness and he's not the cause I am because I always act as though I can handle anything when really all I want is for someone to care about me.