am i a booty call?

[kekep]

i'll start this by saying, i realize if i have to ask, then I probably am. now on to explaining my situation with this guy. he and i went to college together, during which i had a long-term boyfriend so we never really got to know each other, although we did meet at a couple of house parties. fast forward 2 years after graduation to june of this year, i very randomly see him out with a group of people who also went to college with me. he and i end up talking all night and briefly making out, and exchanging phone numbers. there were some followup text messages about what a great time we had together, but he lives in another city about 5 hours away...needless to say, i didn't see it going anywhere. anyway, in early august i went to miami and when he found out i was going (from my status on facebook) he told me get in touch w/him so we could meet up. we met up at a club one night and my friend and i cabbed it back to his friend's penthouse in the ritz on south beach, and he and ended up sleeping together. the next day he brought me and my friend back to our car, kissed me goodbye, told me he had a great time and to keep in touch. later on, i checked my email and he'd sent me a "gift" on facebook with a sweet note, ending "see you when i see you." (whatever that means)

 

about a month after our time in miami, i went up to nyc. while i was there, he sent me a message on facebook saying he was going to be in my hometown (the same weekend i was in nyc) and wanted to see me. i told him i was out of town w/friends, and that i was sorry to miss him, but to have fun. he writes back saying he got held up and will be in town halloween night, and "would like to see you." well, that worked out. after a few phone calls w/us trying to figure out plans, i drove out to see him and i spent halloween with him and his buddies, and we ended up hooking up again. we had fun together, although the next day i woke up with that feeling that maybe we shouldn't have slept together. the next day he called me to say he had an awesome halloween, but i never picked up. i simply sent a text saying "(his name), it's always a good time...safe travels

 

nothing back so far, and that was the day after halloween. sorry this is so long, by the way. my question is, am i this guy's booty call? i'm worried that the sex part has ruined his opinion of me. i'm not looking for a commitment from this guy, but i don't want him to think he can just come in town whenever and we hook up and that's it...can i do anything about this? also, he and i are going to be standing in our mutual friends' wedding in may of this year, and i'd like to handle this situation in a mature and non-dramatic way. i've been hurt very badly in the past by FWB situations, and i don't want it to happen again...should i just write him off and move on?

[Supa_gurl]

Yes honey, it sounds as if you are the "booty call girl". Just don't let it happen again. lesson learned

[Loki71]

Sorry but your right you are one. If you are not ok with this then you need to just let him go and stop letting him use you.

[Tethys]

Yes, I do think he views this as something casual and not much more.

 

I don't think you can really fault him for this -- he found a girl whom he liked spending time with who would also sleep with him. Of course he's going to keep coming back for more! There's nothing wrong with that unless you are uncomfortable with it. I don't think he has necessarily lost respect for you as a person or anything, but if you want boundaries on the relationship, just tell him you're not interested in a casual sexual relationship next time he calls you up to let you know when he's in town. You don't have to outright say that, but somehow tactfully let him know that there will be no sex, but you don't mind seeing him as friends, perhaps.

[Batya33]

Tethys is exactly right - he's not using you anymore than you're using him. The best way not to be a bootycall is to avoid hanging out and hooking up. Let a man ask you out on a proper date he plans in advance, in the first few dates try to learn about his goals generally - including general goals of marriage/family or a serious relationship (and believe me he will tell you if he has serious intentions generally, early on), wait to have sex until you are exclusive and dating at least a few months, etc.

 

I think that one night stands and sex buddies are fine - sometimes they become happy marriages. More often, they do not because starting out that way usually stays that way.

 

It's entirely up to you.