help

[avustt]

my br of three years recently broke up with me becasue hes sick of me not trusting him, he said that he wants nothing more then to be with me and spend the rest of his life with me but he cant becasue i dont trust him. he also said he wants me to become indenpendent and that we cant be together as one until we have been our own person. i understand all of this and am trying to show him i can do this. he says were just friends, and that he doesent want to be with anyone else and doesnt want to date other people. im so scared hes going to find someone else, do u think he means everything or do u think its a way for him to get out of the relationship without hurting me as much. i just saw him today and he acted so different around me like he doesent care. please any advice

[Mar]

You haven't really given us a lot to go on here......why/how did he break your trust? Did you forgive him at the time of the incident and tell him he was forgiven? If yes, then you can't keep bringing it up at later times when you're angry.

 

I'm not sure what's going on with you two, or how long ago this happened, etc., but I'd have to say he's laid it out as best he can under the circumstances. A guy doesn't say the things he said lightly, if he didn't mean it. If he was trying to drive you away, he would have flat-out broken up with you. But if he's keeping his distance, I'm guessing it's because he wants to guard his feelings so he's not hurt if you decide you don't want to be with him.

 

Think about what you want. Do you want this guy? Obviously, or you wouldn't be scared of him finding someone else. BUT, in order to have him, you have to let go of whatever happened in the past, and I DO mean COMPLETELY let go. No more bringing it up when you're fighting about something else entirely, no more guilt trips about whatever he did, and most of all, no more distrust. If you feel that you can't fully trust him, and believe what he tells you unless otherwise proven, you shouldn't try this relationship again. It's not fair to him. Yes, he screwed up in whatever way. You're past that now, supposedly.

 

So what's it gonna be? You going to keep bringing up the past, or move on to the future? Those are your options at this point. If you want a future with him, a "fresh start", then TELL him that, but more importantly, STICK to it. No one likes someone who cries wolf. He loves you, I have no doubt of that. Now show him you love HIM.

 

Mar

[avustt]

thankyou for the reply and you are right. Now i have another question, we are back together now but just changing things in our relationship. hes not a very sexual person he was when we first met but now hes not, but he does look at porn. u think theres anything wrong, or why is he not sexual toward me? should i be upset and ask him about looking at porn or is it not a big deal? thankyou again!