thouse Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 You know what sucks? I bet a large percentage of us know that we are better off now, than being in the relationship that at one time probably drained us. Something that I have figured out though is that I am sad and hurt for almost selfish reasons. The rejection and the fact that he is not running after me professing his undying love and that he made a huge mistake is what's maddening. Not the end of the relationship cause I knew we would not make it. I think that if he would just do something out of character like pursue me I would feel a lot better. Not that I want him persay, but just to feel wanted by the one who rejected me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Watching an episode of Dr. Phil with battling couples is enough to make me happy I am single and not dealing with that crap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
begentlewithme Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 yes this is understable and felt by myself and probably alot of others. Thankfully for me now, I am over my break up but it took alot of pain, healing and difficult feelings. And although over this I still miss the nicer times and the nicer qualities he had but we can find this with another, someone more worthy and more accepting to who we are and have common goals and likes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hearts Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I felt the same way before but it seems it doesn't matter much to me anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Ah I always feel fearful of losing the other person like I will not find something better I always feel guilty towards them and want to make them happy I start believing I need them when they are gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonboy582 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree, its pretty much the feeling of being wanted that makes me tick. Shame I don't get that too much from my girlfriend and more from other ladies these days, would love it to be the other way round. I would say that happened when I broke up from my ex, and thats true for first couple of weeks then I grew to hate her. I could not stand her so the thought of her wanting me would make me feel sick, glad she didn't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Ah I always feel fearful of losing the other person like I will not find something better I always feel guilty towards them and want to make them happy I start believing I need them when they are gone I agree with you, I always try to make someone happy, even at the expense of myself. And when I do lose the person, it makes me doubt myself even more and wonder what good people see in me. I try not to be like that all the time. But I am a caring and loving person and would go out of my way to make someone happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree with you, I always try to make someone happy, even at the expense of myself. And when I do lose the person, it makes me doubt myself even more and wonder what good people see in me. I try not to be like that all the time. But I am a caring and loving person and would go out of my way to make someone happy. It's almost like this idea in my head is forming that being single makes me stronger. In a relationship, I can only be vulnerable. Best be strong in yourself so that you learn to be ready for that, once you know who you are and sacrifise it for nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertex Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Unfortunately for me, I don't think I'm at the point where I feel I'm better off without her. She continues to linger on in my mind day after day, and I still feel so alone without her. I close my eyes and imagine her voice at night, saying goodnight to me and that she loves me. There's still a long way for me to go... What I do know, however, is that the break-up has been very positive for my life overall. It has pushed me to pursue things I would not have pursued in the past, mostly due to lack of motivation. I've learned so much about myself through introspection... my faults as well as my good qualities. I can love and be loved. So am I better off? I don't know. On one hand, I know that my life is only going to improve by leaps and bounds from here on out... on the other hand, I feel like the love of my life slipped out of my hands, and I continue to cling on to hope. One day, I tell myself, true love will find her way back to me. I suppose we'll see how I feel about the entire situation in another month or two's time... maybe I won't even want her back. Still... I want to be back in her life eventually, whether it's as friends or something more. Who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Awww If a guy wrote that about me... I would just splatter! (lol weird way to put it, I know.) I like guys illustrating their emotion! Good post, even if it's in uncertainty. You're a good guy. Another one will come your way- every girl is amazing in her own way. Dont put one on a pedastal and cry because she is irreplacable. She is, but all girls can love (unless...they are messed up ya know) and they all bring something special. Go look for it you! Id pinch your cheeks right now if I could!! (AWW) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertex Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Awww If a guy wrote that about me... I would just splatter! (lol weird way to put it, I know.) I like guys illustrating their emotion! Good post, even if it's in uncertainty. You're a good guy. Another one will come your way- every girl is amazing in her own way. Dont put one on a pedastal and cry because she is irreplacable. She is, but all girls can love (unless...they are messed up ya know) and they all bring something special. Go look for it you! Id pinch your cheeks right now if I could!! (AWW) Thank you for the compliments. Poetic writing is, apparently, one of my specialties. Ahem... She was the one person in the world I pictured spending my life with. Holding her in my arms as we sit by the window sill, watching the rain fall together, feeling safe and secure simply being next each other. With her, there was no such thing as embarrassment. I could pull her outside the house to dance in the rain as the entire city watched... but I wouldn't care. I am with my love and she is with me, and that is all that truly matters. Sadly, no matter how poetic I can get, a sweet letter to my ex-girlfriend won't bring her back to me. If only life were that easy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Thank you for the compliments. Poetic writing is, apparently, one of my specialties. Ahem... She was the one person in the world I pictured spending my life with. Holding her in my arms as we sit by the window sill, watching the rain fall together, feeling safe and secure simply being next each other. With her, there was no such thing as embarrassment. I could pull her outside the house to dance in the rain as the entire city watched... but I wouldn't care. I am with my love and she is with me, and that is all that truly matters. Sadly, no matter how poetic I can get, a sweet letter to my ex-girlfriend won't bring her back to me. If only life were that easy... Life ISNT that easy, not for most people. Although if I was written a letter like that, any guy I was with wouldn't compare anymore because who on a daily basis says things like that to those they love? Generally, no one does. It's good that you do (or can.) Stay the same Any girl wants to be swept off her feet. It's when the sweeping gets old, and then a girl starts evaluating shallow things...as we all do. I remember my first boyfriend used to write me letters full of needy type emotion "I want you, need you" and it would make me smile and cry. But since he didnt fulfill some of my expectations, I was let down. So pretty words are pretty words, but mean nothing if you dont do. Go get someone, tiger! And things will get better for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertex Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Ahh... but that's the thing in my situation... I had all the pretty words, wonderful letters, and sweet gifts. But on top of that, I would do hundreds of little things for her to make her smile. I'd always be there for her to comfort her when she was down. I would stay up with her every single night and slept only after she did. I was that shoulder for her to lean on when she became overburdened with stress and worry. Upon her breaking up with me, I asked her if I ever made her sad, angry, neglected... she said no, she could never think of a time I did such things. None of her friends ever heard a single complaint about me mistreating her, because I never did and I never would. I suppose I'm just too much of the typical nice guy. Not that I'd want to change... I'd never want to change the core of my being. But there are times that I wonder how my love life would be if I wasn't the way I am. Oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Wow. She's an idiot (sorry!). There's nothing better than receiving all that you've just written. So you dont even understand the breakup? Not to be offensive, but either it was another guy or something shallow. Some girls dont like too much of a nice guy! Which is just them, a changed preference, a want to experience something different...not you. That's what life is all about. I'm sure you'll find someone else to give all this too, you really will. Just put yourself out there. Stay confident, stay true in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertex Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I've been trying to figure out why she left me since the break-up roughly a month ago. I've gotten nowhere. My best guess is similar to yours... she may have gotten "bored" of me. I lavished her with everything I had, neglecting myself much of the time. I suppose I gave too much and she gave too little. I know for certain it wasn't another guy. Her loyalty is on par with my own... we're fiercely loyal and would never betray the trust of someone we care about. However, about a week after I stopped all contact with her, she found another guy. Five days after they became a couple, they already began to exchange "I love yous". That's when it became clear to me that me leaving her life left a huge void in it, and she was desperate to fill it back up. It's her way of coping, I suppose... as unhealthy as a rebound relationship may be. But I still wish her the utmost happiness in her life, and hope for the best in her future relationships. Oh, and thank you for the impromptu chat with me here (my apologies for hijacking this thread!). I've been feeling a bit down today and this has really helped. So thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Nah, no one comes on enotalone feeling 100 % ok, or maybe leaves it. Yea I was growing apart from my last boyfriend, met another guy, didnt want to cheat on him... I broke up with him and the same night, slept with the dude I was into. Big mistake on my part, but there may be many underlying intentions underneath breaking up with someone that the other person may never come to understand. And you know what? It's okay. You can be sad, I always say, but drive yourself away from bitterness. You dont sound bitter, which is a good thing. I think you'll be all right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love4life Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 thouse, thoughts like that have run through my mind on a daily basis. Honestly, every day as I'm walking down my apartment hallway, as I turn the corner, a part of me hopes he'll be waiting at my door for me. I don't even know if I'd take him back - my heart says yes, but my head says no - but it would be nice to know he's THINKING about me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nixee Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I definitely think I am better off without my ex, especially knowing what I now do (that he had it in him to hide the truth from me and leave me so suddenly... among other things). Yet it still hurts, and I think it has so much to do with that feeling the OP described - wanting them to want you. Even beyond that, it is wanting them to feel the same pain you do. I want my ex and I to be on level ground, but we just aren't. He has told me how sorry he is, but it is empty, because he continues to commit the crime that hurt me - he continues to be with her (he is going to marry her), and he continues to live as if I was never there. I don't miss him so much... I don't want him back. I just want to stop feeling like I was so easy to toss aside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minniegirl Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Ah I always feel fearful of losing the other person like I will not find something better I always feel guilty towards them and want to make them happy I start believing I need them when they are gone I am there right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I am there right now. Then be single! Let go what's bringing you down. The other person will survive. Dont get yourself into an obligatory situation you can break from, and leaves you confused and to the other person confusing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree that you want that person to feel the same pain that you do, but when I take a look at my sitaution he has felt this pain from the woman before me so I guess I am just the lucky recipient of his baggage. I just try to think that in some way I deserve this. Our relationship started while we were both still involved with other people. When we spoke the other day we both agreed that we never thought we was gonna fall in love. I guess I just look at it as Karma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsuede Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 thouse.. YOU ARE HEALING. Not very often do you see a post like this. Congratulations on looking for REASONS inside of you, rather than look at the superficial levels as to why this happened. This is a valid ticket to a healthier relationship!! Way to go my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 If Karma existed, bad things wouldnt happen to good people (mainly children in my eyes). So it is illogical to blame yourself in terms of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 BlueAngel, I guess when you look at it that way it does poke a hole in my theory, so maybe I should say since our relationship started on a platform of dishonesty(he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend) no matter how in love we were with each other we couldn't expect for things to turn out good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 BlueAngel, I guess when you look at it that way it does poke a hole in my theory, so maybe I should say since our relationship started on a platform of dishonesty(he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend) no matter how in love we were with each other we couldn't expect for things to turn out good. lol No I understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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