Atticus90's Daily life

[Atticus90]

October 21, 2007.

 

Came home from my brothers house today. I had a good time. Went to the pool hall to shoot some pool. Played some football and spent time with my mom and brother. A good time in my life is limited.. VERY limited. While im having fun with my family, i'm always thinking of something. That something is my now current ex-girlfriend.

 

On october 21, 12 or 1 am, I became so worried and mentally unstabled that I tried to hang myself in the tool shed. I weigh about 185 or 190 and the toolshed is pretty sh*tty, so it didn't hold me, part of the roof on the thing collapsed. unfortunately, I didn't die. The only pain I gained from it was parts of the roof smashing on my head.

 

I went back to the house a couple minutes later and just fell asleep.

Woke up and just told myself "Almost killed myself all because of my insecurity". That was a red flag, so I guess all I could do was dump my gf.

 

Called her, broke it off. She started giving me problems saying "I changed and this is what I get for it?" "Oh jason, I can't give you physical proof here. I can't attach cameras to my house" "What more do you want"... She tried to make me feel guilty. Never thought about me and how i felt, so that gave me more will power to let her go.

 

Now it's October 22, 1:36am, monday morning and I'm thinking about how wrong I COULD be. Maybe she didn't do anything? Maybe i'm wrong? But also, even if I am wrong, the insecurity wont go away. I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of the insecurity, because from every girlfriend I have until I die, they'll probably suffer from my insecurity and I wont be able to hold down a wife because of it.

 

I guess marriage isn't cut out for everybody eh? Probably gonna go to bed around 2:30 am. Until then, i'll stay up and worry and stress. Ya know, the usuall.