Have to see my ex everyday...

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi forum!

 

I'm on here fairly regularly - I don't post much, but I read a lot.

 

Background: ex broke up with me in december last year, he now has a new gf. We are on ok terms, we wave when we see each other, and used to talk online, but I stopped that a few months ago (I went into NC until I'm completely healed). I have moved on, and am doing really well, but sometimes have my down days.

 

Recently (this week) my ex has started working (he is a builder) at a place that I have to go past to get to my work. I have to go past at least 3 times every day - on my way to work, home for lunch, and back to work after lunch (he is usually gone by the time I finish work). His uniform is a fluro yellow shirt, so he's hard to miss - stands out like a flamingo in a zebra factory!

 

I know I could just simply not look as I go past, but that's easier said than done. (Not to mention his shirt is so eye catching!) I caught a glimpse of him today on my way home for lunch, and this little voice in my head said "wow he still looks really good" - that attraction will *always* be there. It made me sad to see him and think "that's not mine anymore" - but I think it was just a 'wow he's still hot - and someone else gets it all' kind of thought. There wasn't much emotional attatchment - just physical.

 

The weirdest thing happened when I actually got home though. I got out of my car (still thinking about how good he looked) and as I walked up the steps to my house, I could smell his aftershave. I was quite weirded out. No-one in my house wears it, I don't have it in the house (hurts too much to smell it) and its certainly not anywhere on my back porch. What do you guys make of that??

 

If anyone has any advice/tips on coping with seeing him several times a day - please share. Thanks for reading.

[havefaith]

Hey butterfly!

 

Well the mind is a crazy thing, I've read before that visual memories can evoke memories from the other senses as well. Though the scent of the aftershave may have seemed very real, I believe it was a figment of your imagination.

 

The mind is a powerful thing! So why not use that power to deal with your situation? My boyfriend and I have a class together 2 times a week. There was a point where I thought we could break up, so I started to think to myself, how would I deal with being in the same room with him? I decided that I would try to make it into a game (this sounds lame, I know, but hear me out.)

 

When you go past, focus your entire energy & being on NOT looking for him. Look STRAIGHT ahead. See if you can "win" at this game. It will be really hard, but if you do "win", find a healthy way to treat yourself. This is the best way I can think of to deal with this ... I am very competitive in nature so maybe that's why.

 

Hope this helps! Stay strong, and congrats on your healing process so far. Always take time to commend yourself on the progress you've made.

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Lol that game sounds fun haha thanks for replying! I will try that tomorrow morning on my way to work!

 

Something I just noticed is, when I got back to my office, I could *still* smell the aftershave - kept getting whiffs every now and then. Like it was on me. But its not possible - I think you may be right, that I'm imagining it, but the smell was very strong. Brought back a lot of memories.

 

I haven't seen him for so long, its just so weird to look at him and realise he's not mine, (I used to get this huge swell of pride whenever I saw him, and I'd think "yep, that's my baby") and he's also a stranger now. Because he really is. He used to be my everything - I knew him better than anyone, and now I don't even know him at all.

 

I've come a long way, and recently I realised that I don't think getting back together in the future is a possibility. As much as I wanted to months ago, I just don't think I could if the oportunity arose - I don't think I could ever be myself around him again.

 

You did help - thankyou!

[Jess...]

I've come a long way' date=' and recently I realised that I don't think getting back together in the future is a possibility. As much as I wanted to months ago, I just don't think I could if the oportunity arose - I don't think I could ever be myself around him again.[/quote']

 

That's great! That shows how far you've come - good for you girl! You're not just sitting around waiting for him. I think I'm the same - my ex has a new gf too, and I just don't think I could ever truly be comfortable around him again. I mean sure, it'd be easy for all the feelings to come flooding back, but I think I'd always be on my guard, (sp? doesn't look right) wouldn't be able to let it down for a second. Does that sound jaded

 

But you're doing great, and I think - just try havefaith's game. You'll feel so good about yourself knowing you didn't look at/for him. And you never know, he may be expecting you to look - if he gawks at you when he goes past he probably is (which my ex does to me), so defy him. Don't give him the satisfaction.