Complicated

[Kiragon]

Oh I did not know there was a place for a Journal woohoo now I can post. XD

 

I typed out this out a few weeks ago, and not in perfect grammar, so yeah i'm just gonna copy and paste it. No paragraphs either.

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I met her when I kinda met my last gf. I didn't know her actually...pretty much didn't bother to chat to her either. when me and my last gf went out, she told me about a place called "Teenactiv" so I decided to go there and see what it was all about. and knowing me, always getting addicted to these places since I had no life, decided to post, look around, bla bla bla. Then I noticed a person called "Ichigo", and she was so familiar to me. Because at that time, in real life Zoey and teh gang were into "Mew Mew Power" and zoey was always knows as Ichigo. So I decided to investigate a little further and then knew it was her. Shortly after she knew it was me too, then we decided to tlak more at school. But I was always quiet so didn't bother much. My username on that site WAs Archangel, so she decided to call me Angel from now on, she likes calling people nicknames ratehr than their names. Her real name's Zayaan but yeah I call her by zoey or Zayaan which ever blurts out of my mouth first. So then on the site we started to flirt...We didn't take it seriously at 1st, but then me, with my words blurting out all the time, always said something that said otherwise to what I really mean. Lol I made her blush like crazy with all those poems and words I sent her. But then one day she couldn't take it anymore and told my gf and then that day, afterschool, my gf was hurt and broken. I tried to tell her what happened and that I wouldn't ever do it again, but I guess it wasn't enough. That same night she phoned me and we broke up. I was a bit heartless since I didnt really feel for her...I was kinda brought in the relationship by a so called "friend" of mine. I was a poopol and didn't know what to do since I wanted a gf and tried to get 2 peopel before her but failed entirely. All that ruined my reputation at school and till this day my reputation is bad. My 'friends' at that time were never my true friends, they just wanted me for my money. which then lead me to take out of my wallet R100 each day for school. I was loaded now I have merely R600 left, which my sister loaned. So then I think a few days after I met Zoey behind a class afterschool since she wanted to see me, or I wanted to see her I don't know really it was so far back. she told me that it was nothing what we had and she is sorry for me and my gf for beaking up. It was bad. So day after day we spoke to one another, actually emaied each other. Day after day I walked by teh spot where me and my gf used to sit and talk. Dam I WAS INEXPERIENCED at that time. I bought my gf r200 worth of flowers and a necklace eish. Zoey knew I liked her but she just liked me as her brother. She liked thsi otehr guy, named Daniel, he liekd her too. He was a new guy and zoey always made friends with new people. I got to know Daniel a bit more, then we also became friends, we also told each other alot abotu what we did with zoey and such. Then one day, when I got home did my stuff Daniel told me abotu what happened. Or was it Zoey? Pff dno. I was furious, jealous, annoyed, etc...coz daniel was the type of guy to do nothing really. That day zoey leaned against his arm..no, she took his arm and wrapped herself around it. danile was shocked, happy, who knwos what else. Me..I was mad..could not control myself. I was nagging zoey about it, nagging Daniel too. Ok then time passed by...nothing happened between them really. From teht ime I knew zoey on Teenactiv we were always SMS'ing each other. I showed her what I truly am, what kind of guy I can really be. Ok so alot of time passed by and now it was February, her birthday came and she didn;t much bother with it. I wished her, then day carrie don liek normal...Then a few days after Valentines day came up. Our school delivers the roses so I thought i'd send teh whole gang roses, just so they wouldn't get the wrong idea if I just gave zoey roses. They all thanked me. So then the term finally got to teh last day. * * * * I was inexperienced. i liked alot of girls whiel going out with my gf, I was a player, sort of. Ok so the end term came, us 3 spoke, then I had to call my mother before it was too late for her to come. So I hugged her for the 1st time, it felt good, she liked it too. Ok so I went downstairs, phoned my motherm then daniel and her came down teh stairs, I asked him if he hugged her, he said yes, I was reqally protective over her and what she did with otehr boys especially with Daniel becaus eI knew tey had a thing going on with oe another. so the next term came...dam I'm forgetful I dno half the story now lol. Hmm...It was just a usual term. Wait, it was the 2nd term I think now yeah. The days went by...ok so now since we got to know each other she gave me 2 sites to go to. yu-gi-oh and the kaiba site. n the ygo site I met new people. Ok I was a lovesick puppy on the ygo site if you go there now and go back to last years posts I made you'll see i'm a * * * *ty dork who was desperate for her lol. So I got to know her there more too. we went there everyday, everynight. I flirted most of the time and she did too. This one guy, named Adam, he was a * * * *ing player. He dated almost every girl on the site. I dno what he does or whatever but Zoey fell into his trap and he made her..Well...she didnt knwo what was giong on but he kinda made it that zoeu told him that she is in love with him. I was more furious than ever because I have been trying all this time to get her and still didn;t have her but others did. I got jealosu so easily. He even made her a sig...much better one than I could ever make. Then I went bonkers and found something on photobucket about love, how you know if you in love or not. Signs etc...So I put that up and then Zoey said, in that topic, that she was sorry to me and that she now knows who she really is in love with. which was me at the time. I was a bit happy and confused. I didn't knwo what to do or anything. I forgot what happened after so then till round about just before it reached the middle of the term she said she wasn't in love with me anymore that she is just confused and doesn't need to be in a relationship right now. THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HURT ME. I was hurt, she was hurt coz she hurt me. Bah! I don't knwo what happened but then at the few end weeks before the term ended she loved me again. She knew what I wanted. she told me that she made an oath to my gf abotu nto getting involved with me. Dam I was hurt. she said we woudl NEVEr be bf/gf. Ok so later on few days weeks past. Then we met afterschool again liek we usually did at that time and we hugged, then she said "why don't I say goodbye properly"...Then she kissed me on my lips. Oh wait a week or 2 before that happened I kissed her on teh cheek and she kissed me on the cheek. Ok so then I dno what happened afterwards. So then I wanted to kiss on the lips again and she kinda wanted to do it too but she didn't want anybody to see. Neither did I. So again we met afterschool but this time when we were going to kiss I backed off a little bit when she was going in for it, slowly. Ok so we had to go and we kissed again. Lovely stuff. Ok so the last day of term 2 came. Daniel was walking with Zoey because I told Zoey to tell him that she doesn't want anything more than just friendship with him, I told her to do that so he didn't get the wrong ideas. Ok so I was waiting by the usual spot and I saw them walking. Ok so now Zoey and I were suppose to say goodbye and stuff. Eish wasted a few minutes by walking up and down the passage, was like follwo the leader and I was teh leader lol. Then we walked past the Computer room and he walked into it and so tehn we could finally do it. So we found a small corner door thing to do it in, so we done it but during it teh door opened coz some other girls were coming. Zoey got a shock of her life and left in a shot, but she just went around the corner. Ok so when the girls opened the door they bumped me lol. Owell. so I spoek to zoey and she didn't know what to do ro say her heart was beating faster than s ping pong ball. Then we spoek again, I couldn't find teh right time do do the kiss again. Her fatehr rang, as he always does and she has to leave. So then we hugged and I just kissed her. I asked her if she would ever be my gf if the gf thing with my last gf woudl have never happened and she said yes...for * * * * sake! what a douche bag I was. Ok so term ended, term 3 now. When teh term started it was like nothing ever happened....I was frustrated at all this. I spoke to her then she said that I must just move on. Go get another girl. That I must just leave, really. Just to be her brother, since I was always known to be the brother she had never had before, always wanted. I wa skinda pissed, heartbroken, etc...So later on things cooled down, I just sat there in my room on the chat-site. every now and then i'd have a day where i'd sulk and she'd blame it all on herself because she hurt me. Ok so teh last few weeks of the 3rd term I started doing more stuff to her, getting to know what i'm allowwd to do and now allowed to do. She came back to me and said she will always remember me as her lover, even though she doesn't show it and calls me her brother. So I figured form all this she still loves me. Our love is now solid. she DOES love me but just doesn't knwo waht to do ro say, she is confused. I used to always touch her like her arms or whatever, try to get her attention, you know. So I started to put my hands on her shoulders one day, neck, all that shabab when she was sitting down. Pfft, didn't do much, she jsut sayed when I touch her..when she feels me...all her worries just simply melt away. so next move I did a few days later, a massage. she stopped her work just so I could do it. Then day after or so we were standing next to each otehr tlaking to her other grade 8 friends, which soem are now mine too. Lol the grade 8's poke me and stuff very funny. All the girls think i'm eeew or gross or something. Exept Zoey, ofcourse. Ok so then I made my hand slowly towards her hand and took it and the 1 grade 8 friend noticed it and made a commetn and zoey almost went ballistick lol. Ok so the bell rang I went back inside to get my bag and when I came out Zoey and teh grade 8 were play fighting so the grade 8 friend said I must kis her, but then I said "already did that", lol zoey hit me, not too hard but yeah. she doesn't want the public to knwo abotu us, I don't think. whenever someone asks "are you 2 going tou with eachother" she makes a vile comment like "oh hell no!" or "no" or something to that affect. she will always go drastic and exaggerate on the idea of not going out with me. Even though we are not but doesn't mean we look at it that specific way. she's afraid to hurt me, coz she says she is unfaithful and can't commit to someone so easily. But I don't care, we'll get through it, love will always find its way. Ok so days after we had to go into the ocmputer room, this was last week sometime, so then I was full of surprises, as she would put it. I even hit her ass for the 1st time...Lol. she just smiled slightly back, like out of shock. Ok then the following day came, was just teh usual day, but this day..yor. Near the end of the day I hit her ass again. This time it was like nothing, coz it wa sin the compter room and she was chattignt o her friends. Ok so the last day of trm 3 came...I could do hardly anything to her because my EX-GF CAME!! dam my ex-gf followed her like a magnet. And I knew how Zoey felt abotu me doing stuff to hr infront of my ex-gf (her friend). So I didnt' do anything and got so mad that I just hanged around with my other friends. so the bel rang, we had to go...I spoke to her I think for a minute or 2...then I just left. Ok now the end of teh day came...I knew where her class was and our class was left out earlier...Think coz teh teacher didnt want us coz we were so naughty lol. so I hanged around a bit aroudn her classroom waiting for her to come out. so when she finallyl did come out with her friends, she stopped and they went on to go home and she stayed with me. We spoke, chat, talked, bla bla bla till nobody was around exept teh cleaners and some tiny few other student walking around. I took hold of her hands, talked, the usual. Ok so her dad phoned and she REALLY had to go. I think she made a comment then I said something back then she turned her back towards me and said I was eman and that she wasn't going to talk to me lol so I just went behind her and put my arms aroudn her form the back to her front over her shoulders and head. she got out of that, don't klwno why think she wasn'r comfortable or something hmm coz she knew I wanted to kiss her but I knew she was fasting so I didnt' dare do so. But I don't think she trusted me on that lol. So we hugged and stuff I wanted another she said no eish I was forward that day It was almost like I was raping her LOL!. Peer pressure I mean but yeah then we didn't do anything afterwards and I walked her to her dad, who was in the car. On the way while wlaking she was liek telling me she didn't want to love anybody because she woudl just hurt them...That's why she was always pushing people away when they were almost close. She told me she wanted to hide in a box and never come out I think hmm...I was just blurting stuff out, nonsense, rubbish, garbage!!. So now that's teh last I SAAAAAW with my eyes of her, so no need to knwo what happened, how I got home coz I misse dmy lift, etc...LOL! Ok so the same day, and 2 or 3 days afterwards I made it clear to her how sorry I was with being forward with her on that day, she said she'll pull through so I guess that's over. I knew I did somethnig wrong, but it's ok I now know not to do it again. I think she was maybe having her periods on taht day lmao. Ok that's about teh end of it, tomorrow, monday is when I go back to school, holiday's over, *cries*](*,)](*,)

[Kiragon]

......Elo?