thouse Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Zorba, I have a dilemma me and my ex were dating on and off for about 4 years, I pretty much walked away from him because he didn't want to make a committment. Did LC for a couple of weeks after during this time he would ask me if I was dating and I said yes (I lied) but that I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with him. After I found out he was seeing another girl I went NC cause it hurt to much, most would say that he started dating because I did it first but that's not the case, he didn't want to commit cause he wanted to date other women. Anyhow I changed my number so I wouldn't be waiting for a call that may never come, and this weekend my cousin is having a homecoming party at which we will both be in attendance I am just wondering how I should act. I am still very hurt and upset but should I show that? Any comments Appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffster Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I'm not Zorba, but here goes... (I do have a Zorro mask though, oops, wrong spelling... my bad). My advice would be to not go to the party, make up an excuse, anything, just say no. Just my 2 cents.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jul-els Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I agree with Jeffster. If you still feel hurt and upset, then being there may not be the best thing for you. If you do go, just be cordial and polite, say hi, and that's it. Go and mingle with your friends and have a good time in spite of his presense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorba Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 My 2 cents? Very hard one. You're still in healing mode and like Jeffster I would normally say don't go, but then I would think that if you don't go, then you're showing you still care. If it was me I'd probably go being a hard headed fool. Let's say you do go. Now given that you dumped him because of his commitment issues, the power should be on your side of this. Ok so you're single now and he may not be, so what? Pamper yourself up to your full potential so at least you look like a million bucks even if inside you may feeling like 19.99. Just remember you left him because he wouldn't commit, why should you feel bad? After all if he came back tomorrow those commitment problems would likely be there still. Like your sig says "When people can walk away from you, LET THEM GO". Same goes for people who won't stay. Best of luck with it though I don't envy you. I would be weak at the knees in that situation or I'd get drunk and be weak at the knees for entirely different reasons. TBH I think swallow your pride and do what Jeffster advises. Don't go. Find a forgotten hair, dentist, doctor, tango lesson other friends appointment and make your excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 I thought about not going but these aren't just friends it's family, and the person whothe party is for I haven't seen in 8 years so it's a big deal. I told my cousin I might not come and he got upset and guilted me into saying yes. And yes even though I did walk away from him I still feel like he has the upper hand here because to me it's like I wasn't good enough to commit to, so he left long before I made it official. I will take your advice though about looking absolutely stunning and if he speaks be cordial but then go mingle around with other people I think that may be alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 I thought about not going but these aren't just friends it's family, and the person whothe party is for I haven't seen in 8 years so it's a big deal. I told my cousin I might not come and he got upset and guilted me into saying yes. And yes even though I did walk away from him I still feel like he has the upper hand here because to me it's like I wasn't good enough to commit to, so he left long before I made it official. I will take your advice though about looking absolutely stunning and if he speaks be cordial but then go mingle around with other people I think that may be alright. Not zorba either but my two cents: If it is family, why is the ex even being invited? Couldn't the folks who are putting this thing together, seeing that they are your family, show you some courtesy and compassion by not inviting him at all? If his coming is just inevitable and you both end up being there, I would suggest going ahead and attending to keep your familial obligation, but maybe plan to leave as early as you can without appearing rude. Dress nicely, try to keep yourself entertained and busy with others at the party and try not to give the ex or his date eye contact at all. You broke up with him, and while you probably FEEL like you might be the weaker out of the two of you, I doubt it. He was the one dumped. That has to wince. And if it makes you feel better in excepting all this just remember his commitment issues are likely unchanged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panchala23 Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Zorba I PM'd you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted October 11, 2007 Author Share Posted October 11, 2007 JadedStar, He will be at the party because he was raised with our family as if he was family also so he will definitely be there, however I don't think he will be bringing the girl. I have been at other get togethers where he was in attendance and he was by himself if he did bring someone I would probably not be able to stay, I just don't want to appear weak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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