Love lost, life gained.

[matroska]

Some of you may have followed my threads, most of you haven't. I tend to be rather self-absorbed, wordy and I very often end up on my very own soap box, ranting about things that probably don't matter much.

 

These are probably the very reasons why I'd like to journal about this period of my life. I'm going through a huge transition right now, and I'd like both feedback and the opportunity to return here and remember once things have calmed down.

 

Previous threads, in chronological order:

 

 

 

 

[matroska]

Update as of today.

 

Have a fever. Had a friend to dinner. This same friend happens to be

 

1) The girl who gave my ex the STD he gave to me

2) The girlfriend of my ex's best friend

 

This would probably make most sane people run for the hills, but I love this girl to death. She has undergone some tremendous changes during this past year and it really shows. She still has major issues with self-esteem, but she's getting better by the hour. I support her with my full heart as I've never been able to hold a grudge longer than, say, two months.

 

I've also had a few days to think on the sudden meeting with my ex. First things first, I realize now that I subconsciously wanted to meet him and in essense brought the drama on myself. The meeting did however propel me to a very major conclusion: I'm happy that it ended. I am nearly over this guy and I have very few residual feelings. I will probably oscillate mood-wise a few more weeks, but I'm somewhat at peace right now.

 

What made me realize this was the fact that he spent the entire three-hour conversation telling me how much I sucked, how much my accomplishments sucked and how he considered me a complete stranger. A few examples:

 

E: "I run 10 kms in 42 seconds!"

Me: "That's great! I managed 5 kms in 24."

E: "That's dead-ass slow!"

Me: "No, it's 6 minutes slower. You're an ex-SAS, I'm your anorectic ex-gf."

E: "Well, anyway, this one day I was hungover and had a beer in the morning and then I smoked and then I ran 15 kms with M and it was really, really fast."

Me, thinking: This is stoopid. I'd get more out of running my labia through a document shredder.

---

E: "I mean, you're wearing a hat! Why are you wearing a hat!? You never wore hats!"

Me: "I wanted to, and this was inexpensive..."

E: "Yeah, but I mean... a HAT!?"

---

E: "I've missed our conversations. I can't talk to anyone else about the things we used to talk about"

Me: "Likewise. I'm really happy to meet you again, to be able to talk to you."

E: "Yeah, I mean... a gf is just like f*cking your best friend anyway."

Me: "Oh? Probably... Want to do something fun someday?"

E: "Like what?"

Me: "Go climbing! I've had so much fun climbing, I..."

E: "No. It's stupid and boring."

Me: "Oh? It's more fun once you try the harder pa..."

E: "No. The two times I tried it it made no sense whatsoever. Besides, it's not like you're gonna call me up in two days and discuss astrophysics anyway."

Me: "You don't think so? I don't think it'd be a problem..."

E: "Really? I mean, I still feel like I'm talking to a stranger. I don't think it'd be possible."

---

 

This sort of escalated over the course of the evening until he told me straight out that

 

1) The breakup was mutual (yeah, and me begging him to take me back over the course of a month was mutual? Assh*le)

2) We broke up because he couldn't talk to me (which somehow nullifies point 1)

 

Not to say that I didn't muck up royally a few times during our relationship (I did, and I'll make sure I'll never make the same mistakes again), but it's starting to seem like this guy has issues. I've so far stayed away from replying to his message about wanting to talk more, and I'm not quite sure I'll ever reply to it. Everyone save for him seem to've liked the changes I've made in my life, and I will continue making changes until I'm happy with myself.