his bday today, we're meeting tmr so i can give him present...how should i handle it?

[asiu]

i knew from my good friend he definitely was having a party, coz my friend was personally invited by him. i had a customized gift for him which was from a while back and i figured theres no reason for me to keep it for myself. Tried to arrange to meet up thursday (his bday is friday) and hand it to him but didn't work out. in the convo where we tried to rearrange another time, he tried to not say there is a party going on but as I went "aww isn't ur buddy xxxx going to throw a party for you or sth?" he tried to play if off as a 'yeah well we'll party anway...'

 

im thinking its rather lame for him to try to conceal the fact there IS a party. not that i would want to show up nor was i expecting to be personally invited. im only kind of bummed out he'd actually play if off in such (lame?) way... my gut feeling is that he deliberately withdrew completely, assuming wutever he does is gonna just lead me on, while automatically thinking whenever i contact him, its only still just to get him back or sth. i thought he wouldn't be uptight and can be chill about things and be like "yeah swing by if u have time" even though it'd just be a superficial invite and i wouldn't actually want to be a part of that scene at this time, perhaps i overestimated him. and now im just thinking "dude get a grip dont be full or yourself, im not gonna beg. i know how it is between us at the moment so just chill the freak out"

 

so we will meet up tomorrow for me to give him the present. i want to get my message accross in a light hearted and half joking way like "would you be thinking when i contact you it's only to get back with you? are you going to think what ever you do will seem to lead me on so then you'll avoid me?" he'll likely eat his his own words and say "no no no i wont be thinking that"

 

i do want to acknowledge his importance to me and show appreciation for his support when i was going through the roughest time of my life while we were together. i'm thinking of writing that down in a birthday card but am not sure whether to put it in a sentimental way since ENA members have said NO MUSHY STUFF in these situations?

 

 

i don't know what to do. in the end, i'd just like to put everything behind us and be able to be chill with each other without having those type of presumptions when we speak and not to have things feel awkward with each other. its only awkward if u make it awkward anyway.

 

 

HEEEELP!!!

thanks for hearing me out on this loooong post!

 

 

heres some background info if needed...:

 

my bf and i broke up late april, it was a 13month relationship. we're both in college but were long distance at that point. the 13th month was the downhill part where arguments followed one after another and some things were left unresolved after 1 almost-break up, so things fell into the same whole again too quickly and it ended then. i started again on the same campus this semester. the summer was rough, i guess we were both trying to figure things out and play it cool at the same time. i was heart broken and took a huge step back to look at what happened objectively and gained very much new insight.

 

we talked occasionally and casually over the summer and he expressed he was really excited to see me again when school starts. however, his easy going attitude seemed to have disappeared while school started. it seemed like he's just avoiding me all together. i figured out somewhere along the way he must have decided that he shouldn't become friendly with me or reach out to me coz he assumed it will only lead me on, at the same time he will automatically interpret anything i say or do is to get him back. since sensing that 180 degree change, i avoided contact, only finally approached him once to discuss maturely and told him my new insights. i needed to get if off my chest. as predicted, he didn't think deep enough about many things and just took the superficial facts as 'we grew apart' to justify his own actions...anyhow, i asked him to think about it a little and if he could reconsider, knowing i had a slim chance. a week later we met up again and basically he reconfirmed his 'un-readiness' to be involved in anything with anyone which is understandable because of our experience and he probably has that 'not settling with just one girl' type of mentality. plus his closest buddy is not in a position which would encourage a reconciliation between us to say the least.

[asiu]

please please please i need help!

[itsallgrand]

I think the best bet is to give him the present - if that is what you have set up to do now - without any 'flair'.

 

What I mean is , let the present speak for itself. Give him it with a smile, and leave.

 

There's no need to explain yourself to him, and honestly, I think it would be very counter productive for you to try to "send him a message" or explain how cool you are about everything.

 

Just let your actions speak for you.

 

I don't see the harm in writing a card to tell him how much you appreciated his support and whatnot. Just keep it short and to the point.

There are ways to say thank you and I appreciate what you have done without getting sentimental and mushy, or too intimate.

 

Sort of like cards you might send to an aunt or a co worker. It's a nice show of how you feel without the 'gush factor'.

 

good luck

[asiu]

thank you for the advice

 

so even to bring it up in a question form (you wouldn't be....would you?) not bring home my point and will backfire????

[itsallgrand]

 

so even to bring it up in a question form (you wouldn't be....would you?) not bring home my point and will backfire????

 

In my opinion, yes, a very high rate of backfire with that approach.

[asiu]

need more feedback from others please? can anyone let me know of their opinions as well please? im getting anxious....meeting is in 1 hour....!!!

[asiu]

im actually meeting him today. sunday. 3pm. can anyone help?

[SarahRose]

I wouldn't give him any gift. It screams desperation!

 

it would be odd to have had a birthday gift sitting around for 6 months after you broke up with someone.

 

Has he remembered your birthday or anything since you have broken up?

 

Guys like a bit of a challenge and calling him up and just popping by and so on isn't a challenge.

 

You can't make someone like you. If you want a bit of a chance to get him back go into strict nc and get on with your life.

[TMinCali]

I agree. Don't give him the gift.

 

If you really want to leave an impression with him and make him think, call him today and say, "Hey, something came up, so I won't be able to meet up with you." Then never mention the gift again. Make him bring it up. Know what I'm saying?

 

If your goal is to get him back, this will give you better results than giving him the gift.

 

I agree with SaraRose, doing it now makes it seem kind of desperate.

[Optigan]

im actually meeting him today. sunday. 3pm. can anyone help?

 

 

Let me guess: he delayed?

[asiu]

Let me guess: he delayed?

 

actually no, i blew him off, just neither of us contacted to confirm that meeting. but i did text him later to let him tell me when to meet again.

 

 

i've met him today. i did everything i should and needed to and it went really well.

 

i'd admit i hoped to get him back. but after some long and hard thoughts and staying objective. i realized he's not mature enough for me in the long run even if he did want me back. i know what i want and i know what he can't be, at least he wont evolve to that level in a short period of time.

 

all i needed to do was break the wall he puts up whenever we meet up. i was successful in carrying out wut i needed to do and my goal was accomplished.

 

i realized he's still attracted to me, but i also realized he's just a confused person.

 

i just kept my cool and showed i was strong and not needy or wanting him anymore while staying lighthearted. The responded positively to my actions, a situation allowed me to honestly voice my main concerns and the point hit home for him so and the end of the day, we're cool with each other now.

 

whatever happens in the future is fine for me. i've accepted it, i'm over it, i'm moving on. if we can stay as good friends, great im fine with that, if we still end up drifting apart, thats ok too, people come and go in your life anyway.