beautflstruggl Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Lost awesome advice. Ur right. If i were to rely on myself I'd jump back in a heartbeat and repeat with no changes. I'm happy unmentioned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Bendix Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 On this day of maternal recognition, what happened to the woman that was the mother of my children? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 On this day of maternal recognition, what happened to the woman that was the mother of my children? I can tell you where the mother of my children is... She's dead to me. She's bitter, angry and resentful of where her life ended up and rather than blame herself, she blames me and others. I'm tired of making excuses to the kids about her behavior and the hurtful things she says to them. Yes, she is the mother of my children and I respect that. These years away from her have afforded me the ability to see the situation for what it is and what it was and its sickening. I've not seen her for three years. Within the next couple weeks we go to mediation and if that doesn't work, court. Then I will finally be done with her and forever end this chapter of my life. Thank God. Good ridence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waffle Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I have a brother who's long-term divorced (over 10 years) and this seems to be his lament too . . . "why did things have to change?" All I know is that, yes, things and people change and it's beyond our control. When I look at my slug of an xH these days compared to the person I married, I guess I could be saying the same thing but . . . I guess my mind just doesn't work that way. I mean, the marriage happened and served its purpose and I don't regret any of it, but it's over now. My divorce, just like my marriage, was/is part of my path and I don't wish that anything about it or anyone involved was different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I had to force my son to get his mother a card. In the end he knew it was the right thing to do but he wasn't drawn to do it out of love. It is sad really. What happened John? In my case I took her place. I actually get mothers day well wishes from friends and family... John she is what she chooses to be or what her dysfunction drives her to be. Here reactions to her thoughts have paved the way for her life as it is now. There is nothing you can do but keep as much distance as you can and put as much emotional distance between her and you as possible. Don't stay where you are or you will always stay infected with the virus that killed your marriage. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Jeff, You still haven't finished the divorce yet? What is the hold up? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benga Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 John - for many years, I was wondering the same thing.. i.e what happened to the mother of my child. Thankfully, she has returned - nearly to her original state. The only boundaries that exist between us are now in my head. I continue to feel a little scarred with what she did - and how she did it. My wife, knows that, and is trying to regain my trust in many ways.. So far so good. But if it were ever to happen again, I am much better equipped to deal with the situation. She has offered apologies, and acknowledged that she completely screwed up - I accepted her apology and trying not to look back. Its been 4 years of this now. Getting back isnt as easy as folks think it is.. It doesnt have a fairy tale connection. It takes ALOT of effort from BOTH who want to make this work. Both are wiser, calmer than we were earlier. Though she is prone to more spontaneous reactions and decisions than I am.. For those struggling with closure, i know the feeling too well. I was stuck in the nightmare for nearly 5 years.... Hang in there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benga Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Lost - I know that feeling too. I too have been mom and dad at the same time. The connection and trust that I have with my daughter, makes my wife feel completely left out. For my wife, she needs to win back trust not just from me, but also my daughter. Kids forgive much faster, but the emotional scars (given the age) remains forever.... As fathers, all we can do is to provide them with a stable, safe and nurturing environment.... Some of the other lessons they must learn the hard way..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Benga you have earned everything you now have in spades. Both your wife and daughter are lucky to have you in their lives. Knowledge learned the hard way can sometimes taste bitter but it nourishes us more... Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackielove42 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I will tell you one of the ppl that gave my advice. . . .I will make you laugh -- my hairstylist He was in a marriage, kids, divorced, and turned to the other side, besides that he is a great person, and has a big reason of logic. HAIR STYLIST MAKE THE BEST THERAPIST AT TIMES. Sometimes their honesty are scary and hard to listen and face one day. But at times they may be truthful and beneficial but now tall the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Lost, In response to your post about mediation... I've been divorced since the fall of 2011. I agreed to pay her spousal maintenance until she completes school, at which time we'd re-evaluate. The degree which she was pursuing should have taken a year, a year and a half tops. I'm two years post that point and after having compassion and understanding for all the reasons and excuses she gives as to why she's not done, I'm done with this BS. I'm also in a situation where I owe her a huge chunk of change. I retain an asset that isn't worth what the originally evaluated value is. So, long story short, I lawyered up, as did she and we're going to attempt mediation before potentially heading to court. I just want to be done with this and her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Jeff, The freedom you speak of is pretty wonderful. It seems most of us have some lingering loose ends that we are waiting to cut off. You are doing the right thing by taking control of your life and getting things totally finished. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Jeff, The freedom you speak of is pretty wonderful. It seems most of us have some lingering loose ends that we are waiting to cut off. You are doing the right thing by taking control of your life and getting things totally finished. Lost We agreed to mediation. We (my lawyer and I) pitched a mediater, they pitched a different one. I agreed and accepted any of the proposed dates. I waited, didn't hear back and those dates passed. Pinged her lawyer and she said she's waiting for ex to pick a date. All this has taken a couple months. She's dragging her feet and its pissing me off. Yes... Long awaited freedom. I want nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Well that sucks! If she won't pick a date then what is next? Skipping a mediator and setting a court date? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Well that sucks! If she won't pick a date then what is next? Skipping a mediator and setting a court date? Lost *Finally* have a mediation date of June 16th. Need to work on a summary letter to present beforehand... Geez... What a ride... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Alright!!! Lets get this ball rolling. Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel Jeff? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Alright!!! Lets get this ball rolling. Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel Jeff? Lost I'm imagining it! Lol. Need to make it happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nick66 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Happy Father's Day to all the great Dads around here. I hope each of you got to spend some quality time with your kids today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Thanks Nick! I spent most of the day driving him to a camp 5 hours away. Happy Fathers Day Guys Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speed racer Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Hello, Is this the end of the road for this tread, or does it carry on somewhere else? Thank you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 This is probably one of the best threads on this site and is ongoing. There are a number of us that continue to contribute as the need arises. What's on your mind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speed racer Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 This is probably one of the best threads on this site and is ongoing. There are a number of us that continue to contribute as the need arises. What's on your mind? Hi, thanks for replying. I have read this entire thread and it has been good for me to see I am not alone and that most of your stories are what I am going through. My wife has also re written history and said all of the things that most of your ex or stbx spouses have said to you. I noticed yesterday that the last post i see was from last year and was wondering if it was the end of the tread. The last date I see is 6/22/15. This thread has great information and has given me hope with the stories of benga and nick. benga's story blows me away because of how long the time frame was for him - years. nicks story blew me away because I thought for sure there was no way his marriage could be saved, by the things his wife did and said to him I thought for sure he could not save his marriage alone - . I think both benga and nick were divorce at the time their WAS came back and wanted back. Thank you for any info you can give about the updating of this thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Welcome speed racer, This thread has been going on for years. At times it slows to a crawl which for me is a good thing because it means no one is going through a similar situation and other times there are 3 or 4 people right in the middle of a mess. I usually bump the thread back to the top once in a while but haven't in almost a year. You are right that it is good to see that you aren't the only person that this has happened to in the world and many have walked the same path you are now on. Feel free to post your story here and we will do our best to help you. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benga Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Hi everybody...... Its been a really long time since I last logged in here. All the threads that I had originally subscribed to have run their course... Got notified of some activity here... Welcome Speed Racer - brace yourself for what could be the most enlightening experience of your life... But everything will only make you stronger, wiser and a better human being... Lost - I hope all well my friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speed racer Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Hi, thanks for replying. I have read this entire thread and it has been good for me to see I am not alone and that most of your stories are what I am going through. My wife has also re written history and said all of the things that most of your ex or stbx spouses have said to you. I noticed yesterday that the last post i see was from last year and was wondering if it was the end of the tread. The last date I see is 6/22/15. This thread has great information and has given me hope with the stories of benga and nick. benga's story blows me away because of how long the time frame was for him - years. nicks story blew me away because I thought for sure there was no way his marriage could be saved, by the things his wife did and said to him I thought for sure he could not save his marriage alone - . I think both benga and nick were divorce at the time their WAS came back and wanted back. Thank you for any info you can give about the updating of this thread Just wanted to check if folks are still posting and updating on this tread. Last I see was 6/22/15 - Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.