My ongoing journal.....

[shyguy1]

Didn't know this forum existed, but it's nice to have it, they say writing things down can be therapeutic... so figure why not let's give it a try.

 

Life is and will continue to be full of challenges. It's how we handle those challenges, that sets up apart as a person.

 

Why I can admit this to myself, yet not take some steps to improve myself, I really don't know.

 

As evident by many of my posts on these forums, I tend to be a very very depressed person. The source of my depression is many things, though my long term single status and the virginity that goes along with that are near the top of the list.

 

I truly do feel there is something to the whole "you can't find someone to love you, until you love yourself" thing... but how does someone as down in the dumps as I am even begin to let that happen? I don't have the first clue how to love myself and never have.

 

I'm a master in the arts of both self destructive behavior and inner disdain for oneself. I'm not even going to get into my various umm 'sexual issues' they have been brought up in the sex and romance forum and all one needs to do is read my recent posts. Simply put I've got issues aside from only worries about my virginity.... and some are perhaps irreversible if ya catch my drift.

 

Deep down inside I want to get to the point of being happy enough with myself, to hopefully allow everything else to just slowly begin to fall into place... just don't know how.

 

I think people underestimate just how lonely not only I am and continue to be, but anyone else who longs for companionship... and for whatever reason has never really ever had it.

 

I feel that people that have relationships come easy to them, tend to take the whole thing for granted and don't realize just how lucky they truly are.

 

The sadness and feeling alone that those of us shall we say less fortunate in this area feel, can be overbearing at times.

 

I think the most frustrating part is that although I've said I wanted to numerous times, I still refuse to give something like therapy a try.

 

Why I keep putting it off I don't know. Fear about it not helping with things like relationships and feeling even worse afterword because of another avenue failing perhaps?!? That's the best I can come up with anyway.

 

Anyway this is my journal and I plan on writing in it at least once a week or so. I hope to provide updates, positive updates at that about my emotional and mental health and improvements that come out of them.

 

I was originally going to not allow comments, but decided that I would in fact allow them... so any one can feel free to comment.

 

Again updates will be posted from time to time and who knows maybe one will include meeting a nice girl.... Stranger things have happened.