thouse Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 And I will, I think that I am ok, and then something happens to trigger this wave of feelings, and then I am right back from where I started from. I am so tired of hurting, I just want to be the person I was before this all happened, by I don't know how to get back there. Link to comment
bobsiesprincess Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 im the same except i never feel im ok, its not ups n downs its a constant down. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to think about my ex all the time. i dont want to feel that feelings in my chest and stomach all the time. i want to be able to move on. to see that things might be ok for me one day. i dont think ill ever be better. ur not alone thouse. Link to comment
cc2006 Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 My shrink tells me one of the biggest "not so secret secrets" to getting over it is to recognize and accept your feelings ... and ride them out. We try and push away our feelings, and ignore them, or get angry at them, or try and cover them up by binge eating or alcohol or drugs or finding some other person to support our self-esteem. Usually that just makes it worse, and opens the wound up more, or fills it with other junk and you never get around to healing. I'm trying ... when I feel a big rush of emotion coming on (be it from a song, a picture, a movie, or just random thought-tangents) I actually say to myself (hopefully not aloud all the time - that'd be freaky lol) .. "it is ok to feel this way ... I feel this way because ______." Silly .. and I'm not sure how much it'll help, but I just started trying to do it so I'll know sooner or later if it makes a difference. Stupid analogy time: Imagine yourself as dropped into the ocean somewhere ... floating around without anyone there with you - and you see a happy little island in the distance. That island is who you want to be ... maybe that is someone new ... maybe that is who you were before you started hurting. Now, every time a wave (of emotion) comes over you ... and you struggle against it ... you don't get anywhere. You'll just flail around and feel like crap and be defeated. Now .. if you just recognise that the waves will come and there is nothing you can do about it ... and try to understand them ... and accept them as they come ... you can ride them out. Each time ... it'll carry you a little closer to that island. In time each wave will get less monstrous in size ... less scary ... and less surprising. Each time you'll inch closer until you're just left sitting on the sand where you want to be. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Riding out feelings is very hard. Sometimes you want to do anything and everything to avoid feeling the pain of those feelings, of your loss, of the grief you feel at why it ended. Link to comment
cc2006 Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Riding out feelings is very hard. Sometimes you want to do anything and everything to avoid feeling the pain of those feelings, of your loss, of the grief you feel at why it ended. Boy is it hard. I'm not finding it an easy task at all ... but it seems to be a necessary one. At least that is what I keep telling myself. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Reading everyones post makes me feel less lonely like you are all feeling as much pain as I am. Like cc2006 I have started seeing a Therapist..I don't think they like it much when we call them Shrinks. But it's helped. What I started doing everytime I started feeling really low or wanted to tell the ex something I started writing in a journal. I write all my feelings down and put it away. Not to look back on it anymore. I put all my feelings of sadness and anger in my words and let it go and close the book and cry and take a nap then wake up to do something productive. I know you are all feeling as much hurt as I am but think we are in a better place. We aren't hurt or have been physically hurt by the ex's. We have our good health and jobs, houses. Imagine the people who have less than us. Even though our hearts feel as poor it will get better. Everyone says it just takes time. But how much time are we thinking? I'm just as lost and get that stomach feeling and the feeling in your throat that you have to swallow or the tears start pouring down. I deleted the ex from everything. Took down all the pictures and got rid of him in my email, messengers, phone any contact. I started NC but thought it would not work but now I'm sticking to it. Link to comment
cc2006 Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 What I started doing everytime I started feeling really low or wanted to tell the ex something I started writing in a journal. I write all my feelings down and put it away. Not to look back on it anymore. I put all my feelings of sadness and anger in my words and let it go and close the book and cry and take a nap then wake up to do something productive. You know ... that is a really excellent point/idea. That way, you face the feelings, get them out, and put them away. Nice. Maybe I'll keep that in mind if I need it sometimes. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 It helped me a lot to keep a journal of how I felt and what I wanted to vent out. It made me understand all the things I hated about our relationship and how crappy he made me feel. I write it down and never look it at again. I figured if I read it that it might just bring back all the emotions. I am trying to better myself now. No more needing of his approval. Link to comment
thouse Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 I like the idea of writing things down when you feel them. Sometimes I get all these thoughts in my head that I want to tell him, and sometimes I text him and tell him which just makes things worse, but it's like I don't want him to walk away from this scott free like he's some good person that did nothing wrong, but I know in the end I am the only one it hurts. It just hard for me to come to the reality that he really is not a nice person and I fell in love with somebody like this. It bothers me that I did not see this coming. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Sweetie you did nothing wrong. It's really true you can't control who you fall in love with but YOU DID NOTHING WRONG but love him. Instead of txting him write it down else where. Txting is soo bad because he reads it and doesn't feel you emotion and you can be txting one thing and really mean another thing. That's why I mean that you should delete him from your phone. I started txting him and emailing him and it was soo soo bad. I wanted to be friends and didn't want to see him and thought that txting and emailing would be ok. But we complete misunderstood eachother when we were txting. So I just cut all ties took a step back and needed time for myself. See you already know he isn't a nice guy so read you signature.. "When people can walk away from you, LET THEM GO" If he isn't a nice guy then he isn't deserving of you. Link to comment
SummerSamba67 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 If I knew how to let go, I'd write a book and make millions given apparently how much need there is!! But seriously, I myself see a psychologist. Between sessions I find it helpful to write an email addressed to the psychologist, but actually sent to myself. I tell her exactly what I feel, how much I hurt, etc. Then when my sessions come, I print these out and bring them with me. I read selected and give her the rest. This is like writing in a journal, but it's more helpful for me knowing someone other than me is going to read them, eventually. It's no magic solution, since I'm still hurting after 3 months after the break up. And I still hope against hope that she'll come back. But I agree that acknowledging and expressing your feelings help. It lets the rational part of your brain take over a little bit from the emotional, more primitive part, which is really strong! Best of luck to you, and to us all. Link to comment
thouse Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Thanks, all of you for your advice. I just never knew someone could make such an impact on another person's life and well being. Link to comment
thouse Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 I think I would feel a whole lot better if I knew that one day he would be crawling back, not I would necessarily want him, but that he would then get to feel the way he made me feel. I know that is mean to say but I tend to find comfort in it. Link to comment
Sarah1965 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 How long were you with him thouse? Link to comment
thouse Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 we were together about 4 years Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 yeah i feel comfort in that fact that I will soon have my masters find another guy and invite him to my wedding. then tell him Thanks for leaving me because I wouldn't have this great life. I know it sounds mean and kinda spiteful but it does make me feel better. and life does go on with or without them. Link to comment
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