relationship inventory & life inventory: an activity to help healing

[audrey28]

hi everyone!

 

i came accross this podcast that i think is great. the itunes podcast is called "After the Breakup" and the specific episode "After the Breakup Inventories" contains concrete steps you can take for healing (e.g. writing down lists, composing a letter, reading the letter to a friend, burning the letter, letting the ex go in love; noticing patterns in relationships, understanding what you "get out of" the negativity in relationships etc).

 

i am eager to go ahead with the steps and i would just like to share this podcast with you guys. i have been delaying doing the steps...i am somewhat afraid to get out of my comfort zone...however uncomfortable it is.

 

anyway i hope that those who choose to go through these steps can share their experiences with me.

 

thanks!

[benga]

Something from one of my previous threads. I am sure you will find this most useful if you haven't read it earlier... Hang in there, you will be just fine..

 

1. Accept your sadness and be very very kind to yourself. Do not put undue pressure on yourself. Take time off from work if necessary. During this mourning period, learn to accept that this person was put in your path for you both to learn and grow and remember the good things and value them. Buy books or attend workshops that support the idea of letting go and feeling good about yourself. Ask your doctor to recommend a grief counsellor if that feels right. You are just as entitled to one as someone who has lost a loved one to death.

 

2. Create a farewell ritual to formalise the end of the relationship. When someone dies we have formal funerals but when a loved one leaves we have no such comforting ritual. That's why it might help to create your own. If you can, burn love letters and things that remind you of what is no more. Letting go of the material goods helps to let go of the memory. Don't be tempted to keep souvenirs and pore over them – it will only make the memory and want linger on.

 

A ritual can be anything that marks out a stage in life. There are many ways to ritualise things. It might be just lighting a candle and saying I let you go and wish you well and I welcome love into my life. It might be going out into the countryside and letting out an almighty scream...or burying the love letters and saying a few words of farewell. Whatever feels right for you and is releasing will work. [A great book to guide you in this is The Art of Ritual, Beck and Merrick available on amazon.]

 

3. Treat and indulge yourself. All the books and experts tell you this because it's good for you. Food might be the first treat that comes to mind, but be moderate. Stop counting calories and allow your body to tell you what to eat. Think of the type of exercise you would most love to do and start doing it. Another old standby is your bath. Buy some aromatic bath oil, light loads of candles and soak for as long as you need as often as you need. Read a books on getting over it. There are plenty around. Spending time with yourself can actually be fun sometimes.

 

4. Love yourself and take pleasure. If the fancy takes you, spend time making love to yourself and really enjoying it. Buy a sex toy, look at things that turn you on. Even though you have lost a lover, there is no need to stop loving yourself. Keeping your sexual fires stoked produces good-feeling chemicals in your body and is very healing.

 

5. Ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for. Thinking that you have a roof over your head or a job or just that you have friends or family that love you and being grateful for the sun shining and having enough to eat is sometimes very healing. It allows you to focus on what is possible and not what is no longer.

 

6. Make a list of all the things that are great about you and tell yourself. Say to yourself what I like about me is. Make a list of all the qualities a lover will get when they get you and re-read and add to them whenever you think of something else.

 

7. Go on a personal development workshop that will boost your positive self image. You'll also meet new people who are also trying to improve their lives and they are more likely to have positive attitudes.

 

8. Surround yourself with people who give you hope rather than drag you back into the past or drag you down. Avoid people who pat you on the back and say stuff like 'oh how awful' and seek out people who say things like 'so what's next – what wonderful people are out there for you to meet'

 

And when you are looking back at yourself from having got over it, what would you tell yourself from there in the future that you have learned. Make it something worthwhile.

[audrey28]

thanks benga for your post.

 

my self-esteem is just quite low right now. aside from the pain that comes with it, there are external factors that is affecting my self-image. since the breakup, 3 committed guys i know from the past have been flirting with me. harmless or not, it's just bringing me down...making me feel as though guys in general just want to string me along for the ride. i guess this just makes me want to run back to my ex bec the world just feels as though it's full of assholes. sigh.