My Crackhead Sister-in-Quasi-Law

[Dilly]

I'm not married but in a very stable relationship at this point, thank God with a four-and-a-half month old child. Very healthy, beautiful, and intelligent, of course - speaking of my sweet Chloe of course!

 

Nonetheless, my SIQL (Q for quasi since I'm not married) has had a longstanding crack addiction. She goes on binges lasting for days sometimes. She'd been clean for nearly four months though as of last week. She was supposed to even regain custody through a court hearing on this past Wednesday of her 1.5 year old little girl. Instead of going to court, however, she spent the money she got for student loan aid (she's 32 and still in school) to go have some fun and relapsed. Didn't make it to the court hearing, which fortunately for her has been postponed another 90 days. Unfortunately for all involved.

 

She's in town now with her boyfriend. She's actually supposed to go to the beach with the entire family this coming week. And she's dying to meet Chloe. Not that she isn't sweet or anything, she's very affectionate (my SIQL), but she's the most selfish idiot I've ever known and I hate her for her "addiction" which neither I or my signif believe in. We both feel "addiction" is nothing more than a choice to be a schizophrenic and lead a double life. So call me a heartless crass person. I make no excuses for drug abuse or abusers. Yes they need help getting over their compulsion to use drugs, but they are not victims. Her little girl is a victim of her compulsion, but my SIQL is not. ANYWAY, let me get down from my soapbox pulpit.

 

Now, I know Hepatitis B/C and HIV are more common in needle-using drug users and those who trade sex for drugs than in those not using drugs. I'm positive she has had sex and passed out (making herself available for violation) in crack houses many times in the past (including one stint that landed her in a hospital after being unconscious for about 24 hours in a crackhouse).

 

My question, is it unreasonable for me to insist that she not hold my child? I feel very very angry about her being in my child's company and will likely be more gentle when the moment comes, but at this moment in time, I feel hostile about it and don't want her even holding my innocent little baby.

[Siriana]

I wouldn't feel good about it either.

 

My reasons would be different than yours ( I don't agree with your attitude about addicts) but still I wouldn't be thrilled.

 

I would hope she is smart enough not to ask to carry a baby if she has any kind of disease.

But try not to believe with such certainty she is sick.

if her baby is healthy, what are the chances she might hurt you kids health?

Maybe she's an addict, but I hope she is smart enough not to put your child at danger when it comes to health risks.

 

Also you are a mother so it's your choice if you're going to let people hold your kid.

It would be rude to let her be held by everybody else except your sister in law.

I suggest - if you're against it, no holding at all, no matter who it is.

 

Also why do you think she would like to hold your baby?

I for example don't like to hold other people kids.

[itsallgrand]

It's your choice. End of story (as far as I think).

 

Though I would find other arrangements rather than cause a scene or having to refuse her in the presense of the entire family.

 

If I were in your position (I am not), my gut tells me I would feel the same way.

I feel the same way, and am not in your position, but for different reasons than what you mentioned.

 

What does your signif other say and feel about all this?

 

It would strike me as strange for anyone to put their child into a aunt's life when the aunt is in the midst of a downward spiral of addiction! And this lady certainly is not well - - does she honestly expect that she can will be able to come and go in your child's life while doing crack?

 

It's just my opinion, but I feel you are completely within your right to keep strict boundaries between your child and her aunt right now.

Later, you can reassess.

 

I also highly doubt that any (possible) illness aunt has will be spread to your child if she were to hold her. The possibility is highly unlikely.

 

It's the other possibilities that concern me, and the message you would be sending Auntie about how and when she may visit your child.

 

my two bits.

[Dilly]

Thanks Syrix and Itsallgrand...My concerns are with my sister in law, though, NOT my boyfriend's mother, who by far is the person next to him that I would trust my child with, but not necessarily if she's in the company of others (my child's cousin or her aunt). My childs paternal grandmother is very safe-conscious but not when it comes to the ideas of others to hold and partake in the joy of her growing up.

 

If it's no health risk, I could see letting her hold Chloe. But my sis-in-law better keep the drool to herself because slobber most certainly does contain the infectious agents that transmit Hepatitis B to be sure.

[Dilly]

I can't be that unnusual... come on, no one else would have an issue with this? Chloe is being brought home to the house where his sister is sleeping right now. I'm so irritated. I really don't want her disgusting mouth on my child

[BornToResist]

I PM'd you but you didn't respond...

 

I don't think what you are saying is unreasonable at all. But besides that, YOU are her MOTHER. You are the person who should stand up and say something...right?

 

I would. I had it put in the court papers that a certain drug addict couldn't even be in my child's life at all and the judge said okay.