Help Please I am Literally Driving me insane

[Guest fluffy012507]

Let me first start out by saying i am loving this site and i am new...

 

Right now at this present time i am in a realtionship. We have been seeing eachother for almost a year now, or let me be precise 7 mths.. (later on in the story you will understand) Well since we have been "seeing eachother" its been rocky very very rocky, i, just recently out of a two year engagement and her messing with her ex in colorado....So from the start i did flirt with one girl and she found out by going thru my phone, lost trust but gained...From then on i knew she was where i wanted to be. I have alof of insecurities and i am a jealous person and i am trying so hard not to be but my last realtionship and the one before that was so bumpy and misleading and all full of lies. So when i met her she knew about my past cuz she was around me so she kinda had something to jold over my head...Well my insecurity was and still is her ex..Let me explain..From day one she was not honest with both of us and lied to me constantly about her and always talked to her more than me...So she had told me in the beginning that she was going to colorado to go see on of her friends graduate...So i was a bit skeptical but ok, she invited me to go but knew i wouldnt cuz i am stubborn and couldnt get it off work..So she left and i told her to call me if she wanted to cuz i didnt leave on such good terms...Four days and one picture later she comes back didnt call me sent me one picture of her and that was it..i literally drove myself insane...So short story version...I find out three some odd months later from a friend of hers that she cheated on me in colorado...I waited for her to get home and confronted her, the only she said was "We were not together" i thought we were we spent everyday together almost and she had my heart, but hers wasnt in the right place, i didnt speak or talk to her for a week or two, i think that the thing that hurt the most was her saying we werent together and to this days she still thinks it wasnt, so at this point in time we are fighting about her phone, about her hiding stuff i am jealous i feel like i cant trust her and i am really really trying... She has a tendency of making me feel really small and stupid she is very self involved in herself and her feelings ,we fight constantly over her phone and everything else please help me i dont know what to do...I love her and want to be with her but it feels like its only a one sided realtionship, i feel alone all the time and i just want us to be happy again...How do i get these thoughts out of my head that run through it constantly....