Anon333 Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I just recently started dating a guy who has been diagnosed with OCD. He has a problem going near trash bins and trash bags, and seems to have little issues with other things i dont even know about. From what he has told me, his life has been a constant struggle with the external world around him...I have tried to read up about OCD, and find it difficult to completely fit him into what I have read. I would like to think that his OCD would cause him to be a neat freak and clean and put dishes away and wash counters etc...But it seems he does none of this...He doesnt even seem to want to come in the kitchen... Recently I have made dinners for him 2 nights in a row, and not only did I cook everything, I brought the dishes out to him to eat, and then had to go get him a second serving when he said he wante dmore, but just sat there...He also did not offer or helpt to clean up...Last night I asked him to at least bring his dishes into the kitchen..I tried to ask him if he was just lazy or if it was his OCD, and hejust seemed upset that he didnt want to talk about it..I feel like I am always trying to clean up around him and he has never offered a hand...I really like him, but this is frustrating....Is he just lazy? He is on vacation from school right now, and just sleeps in late, and does very little... All my previous relationships, my boyfriends would at least clean up a little, or offer to help with dishes..etc..I dont know...Its really frustrating, and Ive tried to talk to him about it....Everything else about him is really good....And I enjoy his company immensely....I dont know what to do...He says he has made an appointment to get medication, and try something, since it seems to have gotten worse lately..But I was just wondering if him not picking up after himself or cleaning is part of OCD or just laziness... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
free2Bme Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Hmmmm it does SOUND like he's being lazy. OCD is stereotypically people who have to be clean and tidy and have things a certain way. OCD actually affects sufferers in lots of different ways, some people have fear of germs, hence maybe why he doesn't like going near the trash. Maybe you should ask him exactly how his OCD affects him, tell him you want him to help you understand it better. My BF has OCD, he is very tidy, and will help with cleaning and does have to have things a certain way. But he has fears come into his head, fears which makes him do irrational things like button and unbutton his shirt 4 times in the morning, or put his socks on and off several times. In his mind, if he does these rituals it makes these fears go away. He is seeking therapy and his doc is teaching him various 'thought stopping' processes so these irrational fears don't come into his head in the first place. Seriously, talk to him and learn about him, it helped me loads to do this. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolet Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 It can be laziness, but having had OCD myself, I'd say it's just as likely to be the "obsessive" component of his disorder expressing itself. If something seems unclean or disgusting to me, I avoid it not only because it's unclean, but because seeing it drives me crazy and causes me to obsessing about it for days. Avoiding it is my way of keeping my mind from driving me nuts. He gets annoyed and hurt when you ask him if its laziness, because that's when he realizes you really don't understand how he thinks or feels. My honest opinion is that if you truly feel mistreated by his refusal to clean up after himself, you need to talk to him and let him know how his behavior makes you feel. Just as he has a "right" to his "OCD", you have a right to be treated with respect. Tell him what you'd like him to do, but if he won't get help or meet you half way, don't serve him or date him. Because honestly this behavior won't change until he gets to a point where he realizes that what it's costing him in relationships and happinesss isn't worth the price of having things just as they "should be." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I am inclined to think this is sheer laziness. If by chance it is OCD you have to reach a compromise. OCD does not prevent him from walking so walking the dishes to the kitchen should be doable. If not, figure out how you can compromise in another area. I think he was annoyed at you asking "is this your OCD or laziness". He was probably shocked you'd ask that way. HOwever, good for you. I think it needed to be asked EXACTLY the way you did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Obsessive compulsive disorder does not mean the person cleans or is a neat freak. The compulsion is related to anything, they don't really want to do what they do, but they feel a compulsion to do such. It manifest in some people as cleaning, others is how they drive their car, how they brush their teeth, how they tie their shoes. If he can't go near trash or trash bins, then just being in the room with one is probably VERY hard for him. Its not a simple fix either. He will need therapy designed specifically for his compulsion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Share Posted August 28, 2007 Thank you All for your responses.....He actually said he didnt want to go in thte kitchen and get seconds because he was lazy...But then when I drilled him a bit about how strange it would be for someone noy to simply get up and get food out of laziness, he seemed like he was hiding another reason...I have been hanging out with him almost every day for the past two weeks, and I knew he was kinda lazy and slept in late. Before I met him, he did not leave his apartment at all hardly..He pretty much lives in an a apartment that has a couch, a tv, and a bed, and he lives out of a duffle bag, so nothing gets messy, and he does his laundry once a week....He ordered take out food every night.....He had someone come in and clean for him...He is also the youngest in his family, and I think maybe his parents babied him....I really dont know... When I asked him if it was OCD or laziness he didnt want to talk about it and seemed upset..I told him he could talk to me about it, and that I wanted to understand it...If it is laziness, and it is the shape of things to come, it will be quite a struggle, and not sure if he will change....I adore him, and have the best time hanging out with him....I am planning on moving away the end of the year, so I know we will not be together forever, or if we do, it will be if I come back to where he lives....I guess I just have to wait it out and see if we can meet half way....It would be nice if he could offer to do dishes... He did shuck the corn, which was a big thing....I try to encourage him every time he does something like that by praising him..I feel comfortable enough to talk to him about any of these things...But Im just worried he is just lazy and wont change...But I also dont want it to be his OCD and not be understanding of it..I read somewhere about OCD, that often times people are accused of being lazy....I dunno...Sometimes when he is walking through the kitchen, he starts to walk sideways like he is nervous and avoiding something..I hope I am not getting in over my head..I just came out of a bad relationship...And he was kinda like a breath of freah air... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Is he being treated for the OCD? It is one thing to have a disorder that causes things like this....one can be sympathetic if that is the cause. However, if someone knows their disorder causes disruptive things like this and are not seekign treatment then they should never expect a partner to just grin and bear it. OCD can surely cause compulsions and the patient is not entirely aware of why but there is also medication that can help these symptoms to a large degree. Is he taking anything for it and seeing a doctor? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Share Posted August 28, 2007 He has taken medication before..But not right now...I have a feeling since he has started dating me, and starting classes again, he made an appointment to see a doctor and get on a new medication..I think in a week or two he will go see a doctor...But he currently is not on anything.... I agree with you jaded star...Whether it is laziness OR if medication could help and he hasnt seeked it, it would be his responsibility to do so.....I'm not anal, and can be lazy and messy myself, so I dont think it bothers me as much as it would someone who is a neat freak...But I have never dealt with someone who does not even bring there dishes into the kitchen after eating, or pick up a little..I know he is afraid of trash cans and trash bags though...He goes out the front door of the house, instead of the side door from the kitchen, which is the common used exit/entrance door..... I guess I will just see what happens, and hope he will open up a bit, and maybe medication will help..I think he has phases when it is better and sometimes worse....And I think since he started dating me, he has actually gone out more and done more than he is used to..Even if it is just normal every day stuff for me..it might be a big deal for him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I think before you go any further trying to decide, you should go to a forum for victims of OCD. There is no way on earth to judge what he is going through. And don't expect to ever hear the whole truth. Some people think they have OCD, some have it to a degree, and some are so eaten up with it they cannot function at all and have to go on full disability. Another small percentage ends up committing suicide. I am sending you a link in case you want to get to know some people who are extremely ill. You should know what you're getting yourself into. And God help your boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 link removed Here is one of the best support groups out there. Lots of information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted August 29, 2007 Author Share Posted August 29, 2007 Thank You All....I hope I can understand OCD more and be able to determine the part of him that is OCD and the part of him that is just him...Dont know if that makes sense or if it is possible..its just difficult to understand...Miss Firecracker, thank you for the links, they are extremely helpful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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