How do I move on

[thouse]

How do you get to the point where you just don't care about the person anymore. My ex-boyfriend is a family friend so whenever I go to my family's for a get together he is there. I have been told that whenever he is around I turn to mush. I don't notice it but I probably. I just want to be able to get to the point that I could care less about him. I feel like the same way we sometimes talk ourselves into loving someone, there should be a way to talk ourselves out of loving that person.

[Lana0120]

I think most people will just say 'how long is a piece of string?' The fact is, it's different for everyone and the more contact you have with the ex, the harder it can be, as you need to be able to forget the ex for a while to be able to think about the ex, if that makes sense!

[LFG]

Thouse -

 

The day someone discovers the magical potion that will make people forget their exes, this person will be the richest person on Earth.

 

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula that will make you get to the point that you don't care just like the flick of a match. However, I think that you can get to that point through a combination of the following agents:

 

1. Time

2. 100% NC

3. Falling in love with someone new

 

#3 is by far the most powerful agent because I don't think people can be madly in love with two people at the same time. When you fall in love again your brain will shrink the image of your ex and the emotions associated with him and bury them in the back of your memory. It's almost impossible to see this now because you haven't found a new person yet. In addition, forgetting and falling in love are not acts of will. They just happen naturally.

 

However, you do have some amount of control over #2. Your family has to support you and understand that you have to stay away from your ex. Your ex is their friend, but you are their daughter. Of course I don't know the specifics, but I'd would suggest talking with them to express what you are feeling.

 

Finally, to help #1 and #3 assist you in the healing, you have to get out there and see that there is life and a whole world awaiting for you. Try to get exposed to situations through work, hobbies, community, personal friends, and your religious faith (if any) that will help time take care of things and hopefully introduce you to your future boyfriend. There is no guarantee, but it's the best you can do.

 

LFG

[Desiderata]

I wish there was an easy way to "talk myself out of loving someone" because I would have tried that a million times over by now. I realize that realizing that I can love someone is so powerful - it's just wonderful to realize that you can love no matter what the person did to you. That might seem foolish but if a powerful feeling like that can be given from you to someone that hurt you, think about what it can be for someone that is going to be with you and love you in the same ways.

 

I've been reading and posting on here and all that I can tell you is time - there is no way to make things go away faster or to even heal yourself faster. You just need to worry about only you and not your ex because it won't help anything. After a certain while things will start to feel better, but there is no easy way to just make those feelings or the hurt go away.

 

I think that going over your family's house when he is there is just a mistake in so many ways. I know it's your family, but don't they understand that seeing him is painful. It's not as if they have to lose him, but you seeing him is only causing you more pain because though you can't see that you are "turning to mush" it just makes you feel like he is still a big part of your life when he's your ex - if he is consistently there nothing will happen to you except that you will continue to support the feelings you have for him instead of healing yourself in your time of hurt.

 

I'm not really sure what you mean by "talk ourselves into loving someone" as I've never heard of anyone doing that but I don't believe there is a way to do that or talk yourself out of loving someone. If you love you just know - you know one day and realize that that is how you feel about the person you are with. It may take some though, but convincing yourself to love someone and to not be in love with someone are just two things that will never be possible, in my eyes. Even if you talked yourself into loving someone it would be real - you would know that all of the influence was you trying to hype up this person into someone you could be with instead of really seeing them and being with them and not trying to - either - rush into love with them or just want to be with them and need to love them to do it.