Help, I'm about to see my ex every day!

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi. I've been trying to get over my ex, and doing pretty well for the most part. I've given up all hope of being together, gone full NC after a couple of months of LC, and I've been trying to go out and do things that I enjoy, and put him out of my mind. Ironically, 3 days after I decided this, he emailed me. Just a forward, but he hadn't emailed me since early this year. What are the odds lol.

 

Today I went home for lunch, (I live a little bit out of town) and on the way back into town, I noticed there was a new house being built not that far from my house. I saw one of my ex's friends driving up the driveway (he is working on the house) and it made me wonder if my ex would be working on it also. (He is in the building profession). Well not even 30 seconds later, who do you think I see driving towards me, heading for the new house. My ex. He is working on it. This means I will probably see him every day, whether just driving past, or parked outside the house, but I will still see him none the less. Until today, I hadn't seen him for a few weeks, and everything was going well. Now, bam, he's back in sight, and probably will be for a while.

 

Just makes it hard to put him out of my mind, when I know I will see him everytime I go home or into town. And I do that at least twice a day. I thought everything was going great, and then just like that, he's back in my thoughts again. It's things like this that make me think, maybe I should hold on after all, kind of like it's a sign. But I don't want to!!

 

How can I survive this, and continue the NC, continue putting him out of my mind when he will be there every day? How can I not break NC, when all I want to do at the moment is text him and say "hey I saw you working out my road, hows it going?"

 

Panicking a little here, need some advice please!!

[Coyote9]

I work with my ex and will see her likely soon after 4 monts of NC (vacation). It sounds like you don't have to interact with him. I've trained myself to literally drive a different route or at times when I know she's not likely to be driving where I am. I do something else, I keep my eyes on the road but I look at the bumper of the car that is approaching me, not the driver. I don't want to see her, be it ignoring me, waving at me, flipping me off. The 2 or 3 times I have seen her she's not looked my way at all, so I'm going to give her the same treatment.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I know, at work it's really hard. My ex works in another building so other than special meetings I have not real occasion to see her.

 

It still occupies way too much of my time and energy but you will find you can do this, maintain NC and actually get stronger as eventually what was so hard now will get easier. Keep us posted and good luck!

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi, thanks for sharing that! I waved to my ex today, because he never waves, acknowledges my presense at all, but will talk my ear off if I'm online. So I thought I would see what happened if I waved...and I got snobbed.... oh well, I tried to be friendly. If he waves next time I see him I can just look away lol.

 

I have trained myself to drive other routes where he won't be too. But this is the road I live out, there isn't another way, and I don't think I should have to try and avoid him on my road anyway... I mean I've lived out that road for 16 years, way before he came along!! He should be trying to avoid me, if anything lol.

 

I guess I will just keep my eyes on the road and not look at the house, if I can... It's just hard knowing he's not that far from my house, yet he still won't be coming over after work...

 

Thanks for replying, that helped a lot

[Coyote9]

I'm struggling with the very same issue, going back to work this week as I am. It just takes time. I am committed to NC and to totally getting through this and no from past experiences with other breakups any contact or information sets me back....

[Iarra]

I work with my ex. He's in the cube next to mine, so I see him every day, hear his voice every day, and occasionally bump into him. Here are the steps that I take that help me in dealing with this:

 

1. Think of encounters with the ex that you may have to deal with.

 

Since I don't work with him directly, what I need to deal with is bumping into him, or ending up in the same elevator as him.

 

2. Have a plan on how you would react.

 

When I bump into him, I've made a mental note to myself to nod or smile. If I have to get on the same elevator as him and there are people around, I would do the same. If unfortunately, we are the only people in the elevator, then I can make small talk and ask him how he's doing. My goal here is to not be awkward at work and to show him that I'm not a mess and I'm ok, so I've decided to treat him like any other guy at work.

 

3. Be ready.

 

When I open doors or turn corners, I mentally prepare myself for that possiblity. There was a time when I wasn't prepared since I thought that he had already left, and I bumped into him. My (unthinking) reaction was to look away. So that's what I did. I still think I should've smiled or something, but what's done is done. It's not a big deal.

 

This is hard at first, but with time, it becomes second nature. Think of it as a mental battle that you have to win. And you can win it. You just have to be prepared.

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi, thanks for that! That's a really well thought out plan. Good idea. I'll just prepare myself every day as if I'll see him, and if not, bonus! Like this afternoon, I was dreading driving home, but he wasn't there by the time I went by. Lucky for me. I think he will be there on the way into work tomorrow morning though... But I'll be prepared!