Daddy Bear Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 sweet young canary featherlight fairy in the mines we send her down according to purpose for that's how she serves us in her yellow burial gown pretty bird, you are and oh, how you sing! caging you is tragedy death sentence in a heartless world do you know that you should be free? or are you just another like me? you're a bird, you're a bird you have wings, you could fly incarcerated far from sunlight - nevermore lift your eyes, you may see that for you, as for me your death cell has an open door got an old mynah I bought him in China or maybe it was Chinatown taught him some phrases he swears like the blazes just another painted-face clown pretty bird, you say and what have I done? trapping you so selfishly life sentence in a flightless world do you know that you should be free? or are you just another like me? you're a bird, you're a bird you have wings, you could fly in isolation in the dim light - nevermore lift your eyes, you may find that your trap is your mind and freedom is an open door now's your chance to get away you can have it all today canary and the mynah, sittin' in a tree now's the time, don't hesitate just outside, you have a date for little bit o' k-i-s-s-i-n-g and little bit o' s-i-n-g-i-n-g so spread your wings and start f-l-y-i-n-g don't you be two others like me sing the bird song sing the free bird song and get someone to sing along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 I really like it... I think the fact that the speaker knows the birds should be free and are encouraging them to take their freedome but is still the one sending the bird down to the mine and keeping the mynah as a pet. Really interesting. Anyway, good job! Quite impressive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted August 19, 2007 Author Share Posted August 19, 2007 Thank you for saving me from the shame of getting zero responses, lone person who thought this song had any merit. Maybe if people could hear it in the context of the tune in my head that I wrote it to... or maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 I love your song, somebloke. I hate to see a bird in a cage, always have. I thought of my own ending to the song. Now the birds are finally free. And a cat climbs up the tree. heehee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cimmie Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 That's so lovely, somebloke. I'd love to hear you sing it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Thanks, all of you. Your comments mean a lot, because I really believe in this song and the initial lack of response had me wondering if I had any talent after all. Miss F: I might have included such lines, had they occurred to me. Silent-Eyes: Please do. Cimmie: I was recently given an acoustic guitar as a gift. Although it's been years since I played, the little bird of inspiration is on my shoulder and an eventual recording is not outside the realm of possibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 sorry I missed this SB. It is really good. Unfortunately poetry doesn't have a very high profile on eNot. If you are interested there is a very good poetry forum called the "The Poet's Sanctuary" you'd have to google the address as I have lost my link but you will get a lot more critiques there if you are interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Yep, it's really good stuff...better than a lot that's been published. That's for sure. I was afraid you might take offense that I twisted it into sick humor. Glad you didn't. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts