fmjosie Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 IMO, I think she was getting from you what she wasn't from her bf..... and now she's getting what was missing from her bf, so there is really no use for you anymore It sounds like she's in love with both of you..... and trying to keep you around in case stuff doesn't work out with her current. Question is..... how long are you going to wait? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 Hi... After a couple of months of NC the OW phoned me last week, and said that she was really missing me, and thought about me a lot. She said that she worried that I hated her....which she said was quite the opposite....she loved me....It felt like we had never had this 2 months break and had so much to talk and laugh about. She said she was having a really hard time right now (since calling things off with us), and was trying really hard to get her head straight. I know I will get flamed now...but I sent her some flowers to work, simply because she sounded so low, and I thought they would brighten up her day! Everything then went quiet again.....2 days later I get an e-mail from her saying she was really sorry for not calling to thank me etc, but she was having a really hard time and couldn't be receiving things from me. I am totally confused....and miss her so much....I just don't know what to do, and how to move on from this. I can't imagine being with someone else, yet really miss the company of a woman. I don't want to be with just anyone just so that I am in a relationship, as I don't want to mess with someones heart or head. This is the first time I have not been in a relationship, and I hate it, but what upsets me more than anything is being in love with this woman, and not being able to be with her, knowing she loves me, yet we are not together....I feel so low, so fed up, and have not left the house for 4 days! My ex doesn't want to know me, and who can blame her after what I did, but as much as I'll get flamed for saying this also, I realise that my ex was my best friend, and I am really mourning that loss also..... What can I do? I don't understand why this OW misses me so much, asks for NC and then calls to say she loves me, misses me and thinks about me all the time..... I am hurting and feel really low.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Brightside Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Usually I've heard this story from the woman's point of view where the guy won't leave his wife for the new woman, but doesn't want her to leave because "he still loves her." I don't understand why this OW misses me so much, asks for NC and then calls to say she loves me, misses me and thinks about me all the time..... All the signs point to this woman eating her cake and wanting it to. Indecision on her part is still a decision. She cannot decide to leave another man for you. Why would you want a woman who continues to have feelings for other men? Even if she does finally leave this guy, she will do the exact same thing to you when the relationship makes it past the honeymoon phase. You can tell us how wonderful, caring and selfless she is, but her actions are louder than her words. She is thinking solely of her own needs and yours will always be pushed to 2nd place She said she was having a really hard time right now Including: Texting you when she feels needs, not thinking of how you feel if she doesn't leave her guy, etc etc. Now it is your turn to make a decision. To be brutally honest, the hurt you have experienced since you have learned she isn't ready to leave her man is your fault. The writing is, and has been, on the wall. yet really miss the company of a woman. Whether it be due to insecurity or what, you are only seeing the "perfect" parts of this woman you want to see. When you want something you can't have, it makes the attraction much worse. This is probably why people who are awful to their significant others are wanted so much: because they are constantly never able to be tied down. It's the "I can fix things and change them" mentality that is keeping you under the surface. She doesn't "love you" like you love her. She "loves" you in her own way, which is obviously much more shallow than your love for her. Another perfect reason to toss her to the curb. Every time she tells you she loves you in the future, you are going to be asking yourself if it is good enough. You cannot change others, only yourself. You need to cut your losses and move on. I know it's hard when they tell you all these lovey dovey things, but you need to start looking at these things as the shallow, selfish come-ons that they are. Take on a couple new hobbies (sports are always good) and you will meet new "positive" people to occupy your time, rather than this depressing story of constant love em and leave em. I'm telling you this from first hand experience. I am hurting and feel really low.... I am a firm believer in the idea that the environment and the people you decide to surround yourself with defines you. You are telling us time and again that you are hurting and depressed. Change this by getting rid of the indecisive and negative people in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I couldn't of said it better than Mr. Brightside above me; you seem to believe because you "love" her, and because she is a woman, she is incapable of just being purely selfish in this whole deal. You are really the victim of your own choices at this point; and is time to stop playing the victim. Stop taking her calls, block her emails and move on in your life. Your situation is not that unique, from the tale of many women and men whom had become the "OW/OM" and in almost every instance, they find themselves being told one thing, and being shown another too...over and over. I cannot honestly comprehend how someone with self respect would pine over someone whom is clearly demonstrating they are selfish and indecisive. Guess what? How she is treating her partner - and you - these are glimpses of how she REALLY IS. These actions reflect her character and how she will treat you in time. That would make most people run away screaming. This is not love, this is obsession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wimpy Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 From where I'm sitting she rang you to see if you were still there in the background (ego boost) You responded by sending flowers (further ego boost) She then let you know that's not what she wanted (she knows she's still in control of your emotions). From her point of view the past week must have been fantastic - to know you're still sitting on the end of a phone just waiting to hear from her. As for realising your ex was your best friend ... what's that saying about not knowing what you had until you lose it??????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whynot Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Hi Ed, I just joined this forum, and like many of us came on board with intent for finding answers to some of the relationships problems we are facing... I've read your posts very carefully, and to my astonishment, we appear to be in the same boat. However, as similar as our situations were, I was single at the time when I met this girl that I truly desired, but she was in a relationship with him. Like your lady, mine was honest and felt immensely guilty each and every time she would come home from a wonderful day with me. Reality hit her, and she had to deal with the pressure bestowed upon her from parents, friends, and bf. it came to a point where she had to choose as well... this was a difficult choice for her because like yourself, all her feelings of love and affection was with me and no longer with him. what she had for him is lost and no longer there. she doesn't see herself marrying him, but does with me. I was really patient with her to help her sort this situation out, and to encourage her to choose what she feels her heart is telling her. but ultimately she chose the other guy, for shallow reasons of course, being - guilt, sympathy, to undo the past, to please parents and family. like yourself, she felt like she owed him this much too, because to know that she left him to be with me, will cause her guilt for the rest of her life. she wanted to see how happy she could possibly be by giving this dude a last chance at making the relationship work, so I totally understand where you're coming from. everyone on the forum has given you sound and noble advice, but i'm one that knows where you're coming and understand the character of your lady, since mine had a similar mindset. i think she didnt intentionally play you, i do believe however she did have strong feelings for you and that they were genuine. whether those feelings would sustain into developing a relationship with you, if she was to choose you remains unknown. but i'd like to know what the current update on this situation is.... personally, i've spoken to a lot of people and it doesn't appear to be a healthy relationship she is in. it's not going to last, maybe in the interim but the foundations in which their relationship is built on won't sustain until the test of time. believe me, you haven't seen the last of her and im convinced that you will have an opportunity with this lady again... however the question is, when that time comes around, would you want to be with her still after all thats happened? sometimes we are blinded by our emotions that our judgements become clouded. i wish you the best man, but best thing to do is to learn to love yourself. your self worth is your most important thing in this world, because essentially, you can't love someone without first learning to love yourself. Chin up, Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeshabadoe Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 thats what her b/f was dealing with and if you love her inspite of what she was doing then why cant the boyfriend. I feel bad that you put it all on the line and got burned but why would you keep hitting yourself over the head with the hammer if it gives you a headache. Pick yourself up and find a girl who isn't involved and bingo your life will get much easier. The problem with us guys is we always want the girl that puts up a good chase, but when they ask you to stop chasing I think you gotta throw in the towel. If you love her set her free, she will come back if it was meant to be! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beeter64 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 If she was the woman for you, she would have stayed. No one that truly loves you walks away. Trust me. She's using you. She wants the best of both worlds. Initiate no contact and try to heal. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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