So In Love

[thouse]

I met this guy about 16 years ago and we have always been kind of close friends. Well about 4 years ago we started to date each other eventhough he had a live in girlfriend and I was still with the father of my son. Well over the last 2 years I have been wanting more of a committment but he didn't. His live in girlfriend left him and moved on and got married, and me and my boyfriend broke up and he is now with someone else. I thought with this happening it had to have been meant to be because he claimed the only thing standing in our way of being together was her, and I figured now that we were both free we could be together. Well I was wrong he did a complete 360 and he now says that he wants to be able to see other women and he doesn't want to hop into another relationship that he knows he's not ready for. So a couple of weeks ago I broke up with him becauwse I figured this was not going anywhere, but the dilemma is I can't stop thinking or wanting to be around him, we still talk to each other (when I call him) and even worse he is a really close family friend so whenever we have a family function he is there.I just want to be able to see him and not have any emotion behind it. Last week we saw each other at a function, and we was talking about our relationship and he was telling me how perfect I was, and that if things hadn't happened the way they did he was going to marry me, and then he kissed me and told me he loved me (What's Up With That) I would normally say that ok he's just saying that because he wants to have sex, but the thing is later that night I texted him and said I wish we could have been together physically that night, and he wrote back me too but if we had it would hurt both of us so now that throws that whole using me for sex deal out the window. My first question is how he could love me and not want to be with me, and secondly how do I move on and just let him go eventhough he is always around?

[seaneKY]

You broke up with him? He told you he wasn't ready for a relationship. How did you break up with him.

[thouse]

Yes, I just told him after 4 years of dating that if he was not ready for a relationship then we couldn't see each other anymore or rather be with each other anymore, because unless I cut myself off from my family I will always see him. What worries me is we made a deal not to bring other males or females to any family events so neither one of us will have to be subjected to it. I wonder how long that will last though, because I know I will be devastated if I see him with another woman.

[Olive.Juice]

It seems like he is maybe telling you what he thinks you want to hear. I never understand people who tell you one thing but their actions speak volumes in the opposite direction.

 

If he did love you, he would be doing everything he could to be with you. Or, maybe he doesn't even really know what love is, and he loves you with the best of his ability, which is clearly not enough for you.

 

I am sorry that you are feeling like a yo-yo on a string. I hope that you can get past this and find someone that will give you what you need.

 

Good Luck

 

~Olive

[seaneKY]

Well you were both cheating emotionaly on your SO's so you diserve what you get.

[Moto]

I hate to agree with SeaneKY, but I concur.

 

The "What goes around come's around" saying seems to come to mind... But I have no doubt that this could also make you realize your faults, and give you time to correct them.

[thouse]

You are right about that and so I guess I could not look for this to work out, but I trusted him and I just figured that we had known each other what seems like forever and if we waited this long to finally go ahead and start to see each other (even though we always liked each other) then things were meant to be. To my knowledge he didn't date anyone else or anything like that, and he's not trying to string me along by continuing to sleep with me. That I think is what makes it so hard. If he had down something awful to me then I would have a reason to hate him, but he just let me down and so I am just hurt because when I look at him I see our future but obviously he doesn't

see the same.

[barbielovesmac]

Well you were both cheating emotionaly on your SO's so you diserve what you get.

 

I agree with this also.

 

Question.

 

Why would you want to be with someone who was 'pracitically cheating' (emotional OR physical it doesn't matter) on his girlfriend while you were the other woman??? Im sorry, but what does that tell you about him? He did it to her, he can easliy do it to you. And the same goes for you.

[Midgi]

I had the same thing with a guy for abot 5 years! He said he loved me but that we did not work out but always came back! Let it go... its just emotionally draining

[thouse]

On so many levels that is correct I guess the best answer I can come up with is I thought I was special to him. The relationships we were both in weren't healthy, and I think when things were bad with our SO's then we found solice in each other. I had caught my SO cheating on me several times, and me and the man in question sat in a parking lot together and watched his girlfriend kissing another man so I guess that is how he justified it. He would always tell me that he didn't trust her but they had a 9 year old son together and she didn't work so financially she was dependent. Well when she found someone else to take care of her she left him. Anyhow he always stressed that trust was a big issue with him so I did everything to show him that I was trustworthy, but in the end that still was not enough. I keep saying I broke up with him but the truth is he left me emotionally I basically did the coward a favor by saying the words so he wouldn't have too.

[thouse]

I know this may sound mean or selfish but this is what I want. I want him to be chasing behind me the way I have been doing him, and I want him to on an emotional rollercoaster the same way I have. I want him to want a relationship with me and I be the one to say I am not ready. Any ideas on how to do that?

[barbielovesmac]

That is very selfish.

 

If I broke up with a guy and wanted him, I wouldn't expect him to come running back to me. I would know that it is up to me to make things right. Now don't get me wrong, it's only up to you to a point. But you can't expect him to chase you. Once you've both come to the conclusion that you BOTH want to be together again, then you can expect some chase from his part.

[thouse]

I just want him to hurt in the same way that's all. I want him to know how it feels to love somebody so much and to have that person not return as much as he's giving. It would be just gravy if that person was me.

[barbielovesmac]

I just want him to hurt in the same way that's all. I want him to know how it feels to love somebody so much and to have that person not return as much as he's giving. It would be just gravy if that person was me.

 

you want him to hurt over YOUR breaking up with him???

 

????????????????????

[lonelylight]

oy...I agree with the others here...cheating is one of the worst things you can do. And remember: "If he did it for you, he will do it TO you."

 

It sounds like he is telling you "love" things so he can keep his options open. He knows if he tells you he loves you, it will cause you to hold onto him and the hope of something more, something greater with him. Thus, he can keep his options open while he figures out what he really wants...

[thouse]

I understand all these things what I don't understand is how am I supposed to move on if everytime I go to my family's house he is there, that just opens up all the old wounds for me, and then we may have a conversation and he's telling me he loves me none of the things he says really makes much sense to me.