ex tells me how amazingly in love he is

[Anon333]

Is it right for an ex who recently got married to say they never felt this way about anyone ever before..and what they felt for you was not what they thought was love now that they found "the one"...It really hurts to hear that...He is kinda bitter towards me I guess, and says I made him so unhappy and he would never in a million years want to be with me again..And that he found what true love is..That is whyt it is a bad idea to try to be friends with your ex..at least my ex...I try to be friendly and tell him I still care about him, am a little hurt how fast he moved on, and he tells me his feelings were gone for me a long time ago because I pushed him away.. I just need to not contact him anymore...It was a stupid thing to do on my part....

[downward spiral]

yup, do not contact again, let it go. I am sure also that he says those things to help himself get ever you. That he really cared for you. As for love, it is always like that in my eyes, every new love is different and better casue the last love didnt work so thereforeeee inferior. Some people may disagree but that is my thoughts. As long as you remain honest with you about your feelings, even when you move on. You will be fine.

 

I have a GF now, I love her, but I still have a love for my ex and she will always be my first love even though the love I have for my GF is different than the love I HAD for my EX.

[flower99]

yup, do not contact again, let it go. I am sure also that he says those things to help himself get ever you. That he really cared for you. As for love, it is always like that in my eyes, every new love is different and better casue the last love didnt work so thereforeeee inferior. Some people may disagree but that is my thoughts. As long as you remain honest with you about your feelings, even when you move on. You will be fine.

 

I have a GF now, I love her, but I still have a love for my ex and she will always be my first love even though the love I have for my GF is different than the love I HAD for my EX.

 

Totally agree!!!! well said, I feel the same.

[samisue]

He clearly said those things to hurt you. That is never right and you should not contact him again.

 

My best friend is an ex-boyfriend from many years ago. He understands that I really hadn't ever been in love with him, he wasn't ever really in love with me. When I found love he understood that I hadn't experienced that with him. The truth is the truth and sometimes it is painful, but people shouldn't speak with the intention of hurting.

 

You will never know the truth because he is only trying to hurt you. Move on, you deserve to be treated kindly.

[jettison]

Anon,

 

If I described for you how I felt about your ex, the Mods would first delete my post, then send me a private email, scolding me for my actions, then banish me from this site for a minimum of three months, perhaps life.

 

Basically, I think he's a mother , son of a .

 

DO NOT tell this man that you care about him because he obviously doesn't know how to care back. He's adolescent in his approach with you at best.

 

When I fell in love with a new GF after breaking up with my old GF, I was afraid to even tell her I had a GF at all. Why? Because I was so happy, and I didn't want to rub it in. I knew that she was still single and struggling, and I had absolutely no desire to thow out the "ha, ha, look how happy I am" card. That is so far beyond disrespectful. I will always love my ex's. Always. Just because we no longer get naked together and use each others bodies for shameless acts of sexual debauchery, that doesn't mean I won't always have a place for them in my heart.

 

The fact that your ex does not understand this concept means that, at some point, he'll be doing the same thing to his latest conquest. One doesn't just love a person. One loves people. One can lust mightily after a single person, but only someone who loves people is also capable of showing true love and affection toward a single person as well.

[Hope75]

I don't think it's out of line to be friends with an ex as long as you are both past the relationship and cool with each other finding love elsewhere, but the things your ex said to you are just plain hurtful and are not the type of things any good friend would say to another. Just ask yourself if you would ever say something so spiteful and hurtful to someone who you cared about as a friend? Probably not.

 

It sounds like his agenda is more about getting back at you rather than being a friend.

 

You are right that you don't need that kind of treatment in your life and I would hope that you will cease contact with him from now on.

[segagirl]

It sounds like he is not ready to be a friend either, so it would be best to just let it go for now. I would not take much of what he says to heart, sounds like maybe he is a bit hurt too....just let it go and be happy he has found some new happiness.

[Anon333]

Thank you all for your responses....My ex said similar things to me after we broke up and he found someone else....He went into detail about how much better she was than me...Do you think that if I was a horrible girlfriend who pushed him away it justifies he saying these things to me? Our relationship was not healthy and was a lot of fighting, and me pushing him away...He said he loved me and wanted it to work, even when I saw that we didnt seem compatible...But I stuck it out longer than I should have because he seemed so sincere in his love and wanting to make it work..I kept thinking it would..Obviously it didnt....But he has never stopped thinking I was the worst mistake of his life...He got married one month later to another girl....And contacted me to be friends when she was out of town..At first I said I was still getting over it all..and he lashed out that we should be friends and put the past behind us and what is done is done and that his feelings had been dying a long time ago from me pushing him away...Ive tried to not contact him..The other week I sent a quick email saying Id be his friend..And today he said he couldnt ever be my freidn or talk to me..That I was difficult as a girlfriend and difficult as a friend, and I caused nothing but problems for him..ANd then when I said that I cared for him, that I realized the break up was for the best, but wish that it had worked out with us...He went into detail about how I did not care and how the love he has now with his wife of two months is something I should be happy for him because it is so rare to find such true beautiful love..That he is sorry he said he loved me, becaus enow he knows what it is...It just hurt all over again...He said he cared about me very much, but he pretty much just felt sorry for me I guess...It was all a mistake..I just dont understand why he would not realize this would hurt me...He knows I am not fully over all this..But I wanted to try to bury the hatchet...Even if it meant us not talking until sometime in the future..and that is his response..and that he NEVER wants to talk to me again..He has blamed me for everything...ugh..Thanks for responding everyone...I just dont get it...Hes done this before and I let it happen....Nothing good would come out of this friendship...I dont think he is a good person actually..I think I wanted to be friends with him because I still miss him...But that is all the wrong reason...

[RayKay]

Seriously Anon, after reading about this guy in your other posts, I really would not put much credit in his words.

 

He married her after knowing her a month....it sounds like a MASSIVE rebound to me, and he is still infatuated with her. All those words you quoted from him above clearly demonstrate reality has not yet hit....

 

He is also a jerk for rubbing it in your face and telling you "he never really loved you". Men with dignity, class and respect do not do that.

 

I would really advice ending this friendship; it is way too painful right now, and it sounds too self serving from his side.

[Anon333]

Thank you..I agree...I keep thinking I am getting throug it and it is over..and then I have moments of weakness, and stupid me thinks.."Oh..I can be his friend..No problem..So it didnt work out with us..We just wont talk about the relationship and we can still be in eachother's lives"...But in reality, I am still easily hurt by him...I have blamed myself for everything in the relationship, and although I may have been more at fault for a lot of things...I saw many warning signs from the beginning that made it difficult for me to fully trust him...When things got bad, he really berated and hurt me more than anyone..And that was what made it even more apparent I couldnt be with him...But it hurts he is married and in love and that he looks back at our relationship and sees it as a joke AND blames me and all my "issues" for the demise of the relationship, on top of saying I am not even a true friend..I am so sick of questioning myself and feeling lousy about myself.....I know what I have to do..But it makes me so sad and angry he feels this way about me, after we shared time together...Even if I wasnt the best girlfriend..I never intentionally hurt him..Never lied or cheated on him...Just couldnt bring myself to open up and give my whole heart at the pace he wanted...

[shikashika]

no, don't contact him again..

 

But, if he is marrying someone, of course it should be with someone who he loves more than anything.

[Anon333]

He already married her...And of course he is blissfully in in love..But he married her a month after we broke up...Although our relationship was not healthy...It hurts he moved on that fast..When I meantion Im still hurt about how soon he moved on..He defends himself by saying his love for me was gone a long time ago (event hough he told me he loved me up until the day we broke up) and that he did not jump into a new relationship nor is it anything close to a rebound..He never felt such amazing connection and love with someone ever...That he is sorry he said he loved me.....He has a right to feel that way...But if he even cared about me a little why would he say that???

[NiceGuy76]

My ex gf practically did the same thing...supposedly married and told me that this person was someone she was searching for her whole life. She said that exact same thing about me when we met to her friends and my friends. I think maybe they try to convince themselves they did right and we did wrong so they can feel better about themselves. Give it time...things will not last...just be positive and think about how WELL OFF you are and that you are not that poor girl that has to deal with him now.

[Anon333]

Haha..Niceguy...That thought does cross my mind and give me solace..THANK YOU...I just wish I could hold on to those thoughts....I really cant see myself saying that to an ex of mine I knew was still hurt..No matter how much I thought the demise of the relationship was their fault..Especially is I was happy and in love...Why hurt someone else..I think it was less that he was trying to hurt me..and more he didnt care that he hurt me when he was telling me these things..I think it felt good for him to express to me how amazingly in love he is..How I should be happy at such a rare occurrence in life that he had the fortune to find..Such pure indescribable love...Oh, and he goes on to tell me he hopes I can find that some day..Is he for real!? He is a smart guy...So I dont think he thought I would be happy for him and find it heartwarming he wishes that for me..???!! I know that he is no winner in my book..He proves it to me over and over again..and yet why do I still hurt and miss him? It is stupid and doesnt make sense...Niceguy..I think I read one of your posts about that awhile back....I hope you are doing well with everything...So is your ex married and not in contact with you? Did she try to stay friends or keep in touch at all?

[Anon333]

Niceguy...I just read your past post that I remember reading..And your situation is so very similar to mine..Although he didnt move in right away..He was very intense and wanted to spend a lot of time with me right away...I felt like I was pushing to slow things down the whole relationship..And in the end I regretted it...And then he got married too...Now he writes mean stuff about how he didnt really love me and how real his new love is.....Sounds almost the same...

[NiceGuy76]

I think that pretty much is it in a nutshell too...maybe they (our ex's) are thinking in the back of their mind that they did SCREW it up...so not only do they do this to convince themselves that they have moved on and they are "happy"...they do it to cause us pain as well because they are in pain too. Does that make sense? I am sitting here at work making calls and trying to think about what I am typing at the sametime. LOL

 

Yes, she moved in with me right away and wanted to be with me EVERY second of EVERY day. I held back and ACTUALLY tried so hard not to fall in love with her, but it happened. Here I am 8 months out of it and still have not had ONE single day where I have not thought about her and wondered what if? What if I showed her the love I felt and refused to aknowledge? What if things were different because I actually opened up to tell her my true feelings before it was too late. Well, the past is over, all there is is the future...and I am just trying to live my life and do all I can to improve myself for the next Love that comes my way. She cut all contact right away because of my pathetic pleading and begging that I was doing. We only contacted each other thru email.....until she finally changed her email address a few months back....guess she did not like it that I mentioned Karma was coming for her and she will look back at what she did and REGRET every part of it. She got really defensive after that...F bombed me and then changed her email address.

 

She did mention that she hopes I find a LOVE like she found with this guy...I told her it was a HUGE mistake to be marrying someone within the first 6 months of knowing them. She has had a history of bailing out of relationships after the "honeymoon period" is over. She is in love...with falling in love...not BEING in love. Does that make sense?

[Hope75]

I think the bottom line is that someone who treats you this way is not a friend.

 

Friendships are supposed to add to our lives, support us, and help us to feel good about ourselves.

 

Friendships are not supposed to tear us down and make us question ourselves and blame ourselves.

 

He is not a friend to you, and the sooner you can see that and remove him from your life, the better off you will be.

[NiceGuy76]

HOPE75! Good Post...

 

I think we are just having a hard time seeing and understanding how they could act that way and just be SO darn cold hearted. Makes us wonder if we were with martians! LOL

 

If they really cared about us, then there is no way they knowingly would say those things, when they already know what kind of emotional pain we have been thru. You are right...they are not a friend...they are not someone who cares about us as a person. The person we loved or still feel love for does not exist...it is all in our mind now and we HAVE TO OVERCOME IT and MOVE ON!

[Anon333]

Hi..I understand what you are saying completely....But I dont think my ex thinks he skrewed up with me..Even deep down inside...I tend to feel like I skrewed up...BUT..I dont know if that is just because that is what he has told me, or if I am kicking myself more than I should, or what..Niceguy, I think we both saw warning signs subconsciously that the relationship was moving at a faster pace that we were comfortable with...We may have pushed the other person away...But that is because they were pushing us to match that intensity....At least that is how I feel..And I regret I didnt open up my heart and show him all the love he showed me....But there was something unsettling about it that our minds would not less us fall into...The fact that they moved on right away should prove that our instincts were right...BUT the fact that he found someone that did open up their heart and connect on that level he was yearning for, is hard for me to get over...It is a bunch of regrets and woulda, coulda, shouldas...The fact that he now says he never loved me even close to his now wife and that he would have never been with me again, when he acted like he loved me so much during the relationship is really really disheartening...Hurts me so much.....Saying they hope that we find the love that they found is just spitting in our faces when we are down....I wish my ex would see things in a different light..I question everything about myself and the relationship due to the fact that he is so married and in love, and because he has such anger towards me and thinks so lowly of me...It is very hard to understand....But I am sure part of it is his own defense mechanisms....Dont know...Maybe he really did find the love of his life..But even if he did..it is not going to be all roses and puppydog tails forever...Fast paced love and relationships is a known red flag...We deserve people who would be patient with us and understanding...

[Anon333]

hey...I wrote the above post before the two posts you both left...I agree with you both..He has turned this all around on me and said I was a no good girlfriend and a no good friend and just make things difficult all the time....It is hard to walk away from someone, as I am used to being friends with my ex in the future..But I dont think Ive ever have an ex hurt me this bad.....I want to stop questioning myself and feel good about myself..Which I am beginning to do..But his email today did set me back....I erased the emails he sent after those..I know they were probably just more mean and hurtful things....