How to deal with one-sided friendship...

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi guys. I have this friend, who don't get me wrong, has always been a very good friend to me, she stuck by me when the love of my life broke up with me, when I lost a few friends that went with him, and has always been a loyal, very fun to be around friend. But lately I've noticed (I've only really noticed this in the last 3 weeks or so) the friendship seems to be a bit one-sided. With all the effort coming from me. By the way, I live a few km out of town, (but not far) and she lives in town. A few things that I've only just noticed:

 

- When we go out of a weekend, we have to stay at her house, she won't stay at mine.

 

- A couple of weeks ago, we travelled to a town not far from where we live, we had to take my car because hers had no fuel in it. (neither did mine, I had to fill it up).

 

- The night before we left, I wanted to stay at my house so I could leave my car in the garage so there wouldn't be ice on the windscreen when we left early the next morning (very cold winter - there is no garage at her place) - we had to stay at her place.

 

- She lives in another town going to college, and comes home for weekends. When she does, she'll say to me "come to my house after work" which is fair enough, but she won't ever come to mine. In fact she hasn't been to my house since january! The last time I was at her house was a couple of weeks ago.

 

- It was my birthday last week. I was in an appointment the day after it, had my phone on silent and came out to find 2 missed calls, and a few texts saying "come to my house". By the time I got out of my appointment it was too late to go, and I got home to find she'd rung my house ph looking for me and told my mum she wanted me to go to her house to pick up my present. (what, she can't be bothered to bring my birthday present to me???!)

 

Now am I wrong in thinking if she's got a present for me she should bring it to me? I mean you don't call someone and say "hey, come and get your present".... It's just rude. So ever since then I've been making excuses why I can't go to her house, and she just won't come here!! She will text me and say "come to my house" and when I text back and say "i have an appointment" or "sorry I'm already home, do you want to come out?" she will text back and say "oh I can't i have a heap of work to do".... so its ok for me to go and see her, and have her put off doing the work while I'm there, but if she has to come see me, she can't put it off? I don't understand!!! ](*,)

 

I need to know how to deal with this, I don't want it to cause an argument, we've been good friends for over 8 years, and I don't want to fight with her over something this petty, but I'm sick of having to be the one to go to her house all the time... I wouldn't mind if she'd give in once in a while, but she just will not come to my house. And I don't understand why, I mean is there something wrong with it? lol. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (sorry so long)

[Stu147]

I think that you need to talk to her about this. It sounds like she is taking you for granted, but maybe she has some specific objection to either your house or to the area you live in. That is not to say that it's anything you should be insulted by, because there could be a number of reasons for that. But the only way you are ever going to find out is if you lay your cards on the table and ask her straight out.

 

Just say "I've noticed that you rarely ever come to my house these days, I'm always coming to you. Is there a reason for that?". Keep it direct and to the point. You deserve an explanation, and if she's that good a friend then she would want to explain. If she just fobs you off or avoids the issue then I think it's time for you to stop pandering to her every whim. The more you facilitate her every request the more she will likely take you for granted and the worse this will get. Put a stop to it now by confronting it, but in a respectful and polite way.

 

Hope some of this helps...

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Thanks, it did help. Now for the talk (feeling nervous!!)