A little bit of progress!

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi guys. For those who don't know my story: i was dumped in december, NC since jan, (more his choice than mine - bang, we weren't on speaking terms. so it made it relatively easy for nc!) don't have his cell phone number, or him mine, (well i do, but i'm not supposed to) and recently started LC, talking online with him (about a month ago).

 

Recently, I was talking to him online (he made the intial contact, i am not contacting him at all) and casually mentioned maybe meeting up one day. I got a positive reaction, and maybe this is a good sign, maybe nothing will come of it, but after talking to him that particular night, I discovered that I have less and less feelings left for him. I think being friends with him is fine, its not setting me back anymore, and I'm finally at a really good place about the breakup. (I now see that he is no longer the guy I used to love, and it doesn't hurt me to talk to him anymore)

 

I suggested taking me for a drive in his new car - to which I got the reply "yea, if you want lol" (yea, real enthusiastic! lol) but I was expecting him to say "um...nah I don't think so". So when i got that reply i thought, ok, I'll leave it at that, and not push or anything. So i just said "ok", changed the subject, and we continued talking about other things.

 

We got to (what I think was) quite a high point of the conversation, (we were both laughing, and making fun of each other), so i decided to end it there on a good note, even though I could have kept talking. I ended by telling him he'd have to (not literally have to) take me for a drive in his new car, or come out to the pub my cousin works at with me one night, or something similar, because I haven't seen him for ages. to which he replied "ok then, and catch up yea?" to which i replied "yep. I'll talk to you later then, cya" and he said goodbye and i left the conversation.

 

So my question is, he still hasn't given me his cell ph number, so I can't contact him on it. I'll continue to talk to him online, (only if he contacts me, i'm not going out of my way to talk to him) but how do I approach the subject of meeting up again, without sounding pushy? And how do I make sure it happens? Better yet, whats a good way to get him to give me his number without sounding like I want to get back together (because I don't neccessarily. I want to meet up with him sure, but if he turns out to be what I think he's like, friends is all we will be!!) Any advice would be much appreciated. We have come a long way since early jan when he would almost run off the road making sure I saw him "not looking" at me! (how immature lol but we seriously have come a long way). Thanks guys

[darkpumpkin]

Well from what I read it seems that your unsure what you want. I mean the person he is right now is giving you the "if's" he's like this I don't want to be with him....To me your comparing what he was to what he has grown into. Right now all you should be is friends. Did you break it off with him?

[Mavis VDSande]

So my question is' date=' he still hasn't given me his cell ph number, so I can't contact him on it.[/quote']

 

To me, this is the crunch. You have been happily chatting to your ex online and you suggested meeting up first. OK so he responded well, but then at the end of the conversation you had to mention it again.

 

Now you want to mention it a third time in the future, and he hasn't given you his no still or anything like that.

 

If you're going to continue chatting on MSN I believe that you are just going to lengthen the process of meeting up, because he's not going to move, and you're going to carry on reading more into his MSN words then what the reality may be.

 

You need to stop being on MSN, just don't allow him to easily "chat" to you like that. Then if he really does want to meet up, he's going to have to either email you with his contact no, or call you himself.

 

I think that if you carry on, you may push him to say something like "I'm not ready to meet you", because up until now, he's been happy to chat online, but he's not tried to see you at all.

[Lyndsey Bluth]

If he dumped you initially, I would back off from now on. You put the invite out there, if he doesn't follow up he's not interested and may have just been being polite. Also, he qualified your invite, making sure it was just to "catch up." He may very well be in a relationship now so I would be VERY careful about getting your hopes up.

[MsBear]

Hey,OP...thanks for ur reply in my post

 

Ur situation sounds a bit like mine when I first broke up ( 2 break-ups in my relationship )

 

Well, should stop talking to him on MSN for a while to see if he's really interested in, he knows how to type an email doesn't he? If he doesn't then u don't need to be his friend as u said u have less and less feelings towards him

 

The question u really should ask urself is that is he the person u really want to be with ? Or U just miss the relationship stuff and want to get back to the familiarity ? I was mistaken before and I'm here to correct my mistakes and move on though it's been so hard for me

 

So, figure out what u want, but in the mean time, a little absense makes him curious, let him work hard to earn ur interest , girl

 

Nice, we're both 19 lol

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Well from what I read it seems that your unsure what you want. I mean the person he is right now is giving you the "if's" he's like this I don't want to be with him....To me your comparing what he was to what he has grown into. Right now all you should be is friends. Did you break it off with him?

 

No he dumped me. I am comparing him, because he seems to have turned into a completely different person to who he was when we were together. And i'm not entirely sure I would like this 'new' guy. So I have to get a bit of a feel for who it is that he is now, if you get what I mean, before I can know if I would be really willing to do the hard yards in getting him back.

 

I mean if he hadn't changed a smidgen, if he was the same sweet guy I fell in love with, I would do it in the blink of an eye, but from what he's been telling me (things like getting drunk every weekend - which ok, everyone does - but then hopping in a car and going for a drive???! - the old guy would NEVER be that stupid...or that desperate for everyone to think he's 'cool') its hard not to be confused about that, how someone can do a 180 in the blink of an eye.

 

To me, this is the crunch. You have been happily chatting to your ex online and you suggested meeting up first. OK so he responded well, but then at the end of the conversation you had to mention it again.

 

Now you want to mention it a third time in the future, and he hasn't given you his no still or anything like that.

 

If you're going to continue chatting on MSN I believe that you are just going to lengthen the process of meeting up, because he's not going to move, and you're going to carry on reading more into his MSN words then what the reality may be.

 

You need to stop being on MSN, just don't allow him to easily "chat" to you like that. Then if he really does want to meet up, he's going to have to either email you with his contact no, or call you himself.

 

I think that if you carry on, you may push him to say something like "I'm not ready to meet you", because up until now, he's been happy to chat online, but he's not tried to see you at all.

 

He doesn't have my number though, which poses the problem. And I don't want to say "by the way, here's my number" and have him freak out, and undo all the hard work i've done to get to this stage. It was a major achievement to get him to agree to even meeting up in the first place.

 

it was only the first time I have suggested meeting up, and I mentioned it at the end of the conversation again because I was the one who was leaving, he would have stayed there talking all night had I not left when I did. Maybe the next time we talk i can say "so when are we going to meet up" and get perhaps a more honest answer, or an indicative answer...ie: "soon" could be just being polite, whereas a specific day/date could be more positive

 

If he dumped you initially, I would back off from now on. You put the invite out there, if he doesn't follow up he's not interested and may have just been being polite. Also, he qualified your invite, making sure it was just to "catch up." He may very well be in a relationship now so I would be VERY careful about getting your hopes up.

 

He isn't in a relationship. I know that for a fact. I'm not getting my hopes up too high, I know what he's like

 

Hey,OP...thanks for ur reply in my post

 

Ur situation sounds a bit like mine when I first broke up ( 2 break-ups in my relationship )

 

Well, should stop talking to him on MSN for a while to see if he's really interested in, he knows how to type an email doesn't he? If he doesn't then u don't need to be his friend as u said u have less and less feelings towards him

 

The question u really should ask urself is that is he the person u really want to be with ? Or U just miss the relationship stuff and want to get back to the familiarity ? I was mistaken before and I'm here to correct my mistakes and move on though it's been so hard for me

 

So, figure out what u want, but in the mean time, a little absense makes him curious, let him work hard to earn ur interest , girl

 

Nice, we're both 19 lol

 

You're welcome

 

I'm not sure if he's the one I want to be with, like I mentioned above, he has apparently changed a lot, and i guess until I see what he's now 'really' like for myself, I won't know. If he really is the idiot that he's made himself out to be, then I think a simple catch up would be fine, and there would be no need to follow it up with anything haha.

 

Stay away for a while aye? lol will do!

 

Go the 19 yr olds haha

[MsBear]

You're welcome

 

I'm not sure if he's the one I want to be with, like I mentioned above, he has apparently changed a lot, and i guess until I see what he's now 'really' like for myself, I won't know. If he really is the idiot that he's made himself out to be, then I think a simple catch up would be fine, and there would be no need to follow it up with anything haha.

 

Stay away for a while aye? lol will do!

 

Go the 19 yr olds haha

 

Well, u never know what it'll be when u see him person, believe me read my other thread if u want to know my messy story

 

I thought like that before and kept laughing thinking he was an idiot, he said he wanted to talk to me for 20 mins, I was like "ok, fine, 20mins doesn't affect my life does it ?" It seemed he had become more like a man when he first dumped me...but then after that he made 20mins into a candle lit dinner in a fancy restaurant and a drive in his SLK Mercedes around the town at night and I was silly enough to fall into the trap...he then dumped me the second time, in fact he hasn't changed his cowardly behaviour...So just be careful, urs may be different lol, but anyway keep it up, face off earth to see if he's chasing after u haha

 

Now, I don't have any kind of contact with him except his best mate but we just don't talk about him, I was nearly going to share a flat with his best mate since we're good friends but I decided to turn the offer as it'd be silly and seem resentful for me to do so.

 

Yup, yup 19 yr olds Go Go Go

 

Update how its going dear

[papalazarou]

Hey YMB

 

I hope you are healing nicely because him not picking up on you wanting to meet or volunteering his number means that he doesnt want to meet and is happy *just* to chat.

 

I hope this is not holding you back babe.

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Ouch, sounds like no contact at all is the best plan for you... I'm doing well, trying not to go places where I might see him, or bump into him, and I think he may be out of town this weekend, so I might be able to go out and have a bit of fun without bumping into him haha.

 

I have contact with my one of my ex's best mates too, (he actually kind of has a thing for me lol) but I am always careful when speaking to him, because being my ex's friend, you never know what he's going back telling my ex lol, so I don't mention him at all. To anyone really, coz I don't really trust anyone, but if they mention him, I just brush it off "oh really? Oh cool, good on him" and things like that. lol. Of course I get most of the info about what he's been up to from the ex himself, he seems to have this need-to-tell-you-every-little-thing-i've-been-doing-and-how-much-alcohol-was-involved disease and most of the time I sit there rolling my eyes and thinking "you d head lol"

 

I think he really is an idiot though, like seriously. He told me he drunk drove, and did burnouts and stuff like he was so cool. (i just ignored that sentence and started talking about something else lol) That is stupid!!! I don't care how cool he or anyone else thought he was by doing that, he could have killed someone, or himself! and I don't think he realises that. He was like "we weren't speeding, just going slow" and i hadn't even acknowledged that he said he drunk drove, it was like he was trying to justify himself to me, and I don't know why. I think he was expecting me to be like "oh hahaha was it fun?? Sounds awsum!!" and when I didn't, he felt he had to justify himself by saying "we weren't speeding", as if waiting for me to say "oh well thats ok then" but its never ok to drink and drive!

 

He is only 18, so I guess he is so much less mature than us 19 yr olds haha

 

 

 

Hi, thankyou. I am healing nicely thanks, I'm actually doing really well these days, and nothing holds me back now! haha and I would like to meet up with him, but if it doesn't happen, I won't be too dissappointed...