Dark Prince Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Hey all, noob here. Anyway, I've been reading around the boards and found some very interesting topics and tips that I picked up on; and I want to start to improve my social skills. My only problem is that I can't start conversations with people I've never met before. For example, For the past few semesters through all the classes I've been in, I've always been quiet and never really said anything to anyone unless I'm speaking to the professor or when we're in groups. I keep trying to get myself to turn and say something but I seem to have to have nothing to say. And, I always get nervous and stay quiet. I hate it. I feel like I'm going to go through college without making any new friends apart from the small group of friends I have now. I have a chance this fall semester, and right now I'm taking a summer class; which is just turning out to be like all the other semesters. Boring and conversationless on my part. Anything I can do to change this or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zachiphus Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 The one thing you don't want to do is try too hard. Don't start a conversation saying something really random unless it is appropriate timing. Instead try to find something in the classroom or maybe something the professor says and ask the person next to you what they think about it. Maybe if you have a question turn to the person next to you and say, "Hey there, I'm having trouble on problem X. Do you have any idea what to do?" just keep it simple and the conversation may start to flow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeky Charmer Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 How do we solve our fears? We tackle them head on! If you're scared of sky diving and want to beat that fear, you don't read a book about the theory and history of sky diving, you take a sky dive. Your problem is no different. It can only come with time. The world is a stage and people in shopping malls, supermarkets, trains, planes and buses are your audience. All you have to do is talk to them. Nothing too high brow at first. Just a hi and a smile. Then possibly try and engage them in debate. For this, the mobile phone is the wing man (much better than any of your friends could ever be). Pretend to be talking on your mobile, then when you end the call engage the person next to you in conversation about what the call was about (organising a party, going out for a meal, going on vacation/holiday. Anything, make it up). Immediately you've drawn that person in. Demonstrate value, show yourself to be interesting and, importantly, interested and the fear is conquered. It may take time and a few icy glares but in time you will crack it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitch17 Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 definitely tell some puns. i love puns and heaps of my female friends laugh at them.. dont know if its cause theyre lame or hell funny but it gets them talking and to break the ice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GettingBetter Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Well, it can be difficult. I find it depends a lot on the class. Do you show up early to class ever? That's a great opportunity to talk. Try sitting by the aisle, so that if someone comes in and makes a comment like, "Oh crap! I didn't know we had homework due today!" you can then make a quick and witty comment. That's how I got to talking with this one girl. A guy comes in and says that very thing next to me. I turn to the girl beside me (who also heard him), and said, "Well, that's a great way to start the semester!" She kind of chuckled, and then I added, "I mean, I usually don't do homework, but even I try to keep up at the beginning of class..." And then the conversation continued to unfold. (And as it turns out, being friendly with her led me to talking with many, many more people in that class throughout the semester. I guess I seemed more "approachable.") Or bring extra Scantrons to class, and don't be afraid to give them out. Maybe even harass people. As they're thanking you, tell them "That's just fine. Just give it back to me as soon as you complete the test." That should get a laugh out of them (although sometimes you do have to read people). But sometimes you can't be perfect and be social. While I'm not saying school should be anything less than your top priority, sometimes forgetting a homework assignment or forgetting to read something is an excellent "excuse" to talk to someone. Or, sometimes you have to talk (quietly!) during class, even if it means the teacher thinks a little less of you. The thing is, once you get one friend and get to talking with him or her, talking with others should be much easier. Typically I'll have a friend I sit next to, and just talk about what's up. Exaggerate and embellish a little, if you have to. But just get to talking. Depending on what you talk about, it's likely that someone else will be interested and join in your conversation. I also think talking with the teacher (answering questions, etc.) helps to break down the wall that might otherwise separate you from other classmates. Or, if you have to ask the teacher a question, hanging out after class is often a good way to get to talking to people. I know I'm probably not supposed to be listening, but if the person who's talking to the teacher in front of me has a problem I can help with (or even just comment on), I'll chime in. (This isn't always received too well, though, so be careful! You may make some blunders at first--we all do--but you'll learn to read people a little better.) However, probably the best place to meet people is in "centers." I'm not sure if every school has them, but at least one of the schools I went to had a math center and a physics center and a writing center. You could go to these places for help, and often enough you'd first meet people like this, but eventually we'd build some good friendships. Most of my friends in college came from the math and physics centers, and heck, I even got a couple dates (four with one girl, one with another) from the physics center, and several others found the beginnings of relationships in the math and physics centers. You might also try taking a tennis class, or a dance class, or some sort of more "social" class. And typically, you'll meet people who share common interests here. Even if you don't like tennis or dancing, I encourage you to find the sport or activity you least dislike, and go with that. (Although, I've heard many girls complain about the guys they meet in swimming classes, so beware.) Anyways, I hope you can use some of these tips. I know my first semester of school seemed very lonely, but by the beginning of my second year, we had a good, strong support ground and circle of friends going. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nasa100 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 I just wanted to say you guys are giving some great advice... I am also known to be pretty shy especially in a new college. getting that first friend isnt easy. but once you do, things are kinda natural after. observe your classmates. zachiphus makes a great point not to just blurt out random anythings to start a convo... stay on topic. and there really isnt anything more common among classmates than course work. more convo will eventually flow after. be you. Be completely honest. Theres no need to sound cooler than you already are! make a conscious effort to remember names of the people you meet. its important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Prince Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 Wow; thanks for for the advice guys. I will definitely try some of the things you suggested. If anyone else wants to suggest anything, be my guest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Prince Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 ^ That's interesting. Although I'm not a teen; I believe that still works as a generalization. Anyways, so once I give a look and say I'm in class. I could go up to her after class and say hi? What could I talk about besides class stuff? I always think I might end up asking too many questions and scare her away. <.> EDIT: Also, one of my biggest problems in the past that I've had is that I would only be in tune with class. I would end up getting there early not talking to anyone; then getting in the class, participate in whatever's going on. This would normally be my only time I talk to people. Sometimes I get lucky and I end up talking to someone outside of class more often. But, more often then not its never any girls. I can always be subtle with a look and smile; but I fail at approaching them and making conversation unless its when we're in groups relating to the class or just asking a general question during class. It's really bugging me that I can't take that one extra step. I have some electives left to take for my classes and I figured that I would take a class or two with a lab and a few regular classes. This way I figure I could get to talking to someone instead of just going into class, sitting by myself in one spot of the room and going through the semester without saying but a few words to anyone. <.> This is really annoying for me. What also sucks is that I'm taking a summer 5 wk class now and almost done with it and I still haven't gone up to this girl and said hi. I've given her nice looks, but never went further with it. I feel like every time I do something like this and another semester without taking the next step I should just not bother making the effort. <.> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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