sex conversations

[kekep]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm going to try and keep this short! Hung out with this guy quite a bit in college, we were both involved with other people, and now a few years later, we are back in contact and both single. He admitted to being attracted to me on AIM one day, and I agreed with him that there was always some kind of chemistry between us. Anyway, I went to Gulf Shores for a bachelorette party a couple months ago and he drove down from Montgomery to come see me and we hung out (nothing happened at this point, not even kissing). He began calling me more frequently, and made plans to come visit my city (he has friends here too). When he visited, we made out, but that was it even though I spent the night at his friend's hosue.

 

Now, here's the kicker.

 

Ever since then, he has started calling me and we have AIM'd but our conversations have become much much more sexual. I'm not even sure who instigated sex as a topic, but it is what we talk about 70% of the time in our conversations. It's gotten to the point where we've practically had cyber sex. By the way, this is important, he is out the country right now, for the next month.

 

Admittedly, I am into the sex talk...however, I'm worried that that is all he is going to want from me now, since we have discussed it in such detail. Even though I don't want to move fast, it seems whenever we start getting into these discussions, I get so into it that I lose control and just say whatever pops into my head.

 

Can I do anything to make him not see me as just a prospective f*ck buddy? I want to play it cooler, but I'm worried there is nothing I can do at this point, since I've already started playing with fire. What do you guys think?

[Beec]

Ask. Ask if you can have less as far as the sex conversations go, not cut them out all together, just fewer. See how he reacts. If he reacts poorly, then why would you want him anyway? If he reacts in a good way, carry on.

 

When he does come back, make him work to get to real sex. Not a lot, but a bit.

[alex7310]

I agree with Beec tell him to just talk about other things maybe you can have sex conversations here and there but tell him to cut down a little on the sex talk and if he doesn't he obviously just wants to take advantage of you so you wouldn't need him. Like my friends all ways tell me.. "There are plenty of fish in the sea for everyone!"

[beloved]

I think you are playing with fire but just because you have been speaking about it lots doesn't mean you should feel obliged to have sex in real life! Although if you keep talking like that he might start to think your a tease. Maybe when he brings it up next say something casually like "well its all very well to talk about it but things are always different in real life. Like i wouldn't have sex if i wasn't in a relationship" if thats how you feel. Talking about it is a good way to flirt but you should be able to talk about other things and you shouldn't mislead him about what is going to happen between you two when he gets back from overseas.

[tiredofvampires]

Boy, that's a tough one. Kind of like trying to change horses in mid-river.

 

But I agree with the other posters. Now that it's a pattern, it's going to be hard to "curb", especially since you are enjoying the arousal of it all, and such things don't get planned as conversation goes, they just spontaneously arise, and with more and more mutual fuel, the momenum excelerates. But you have to be up front and let him in on your thoughts. I think beloved has suggested some good ways of saying it. You might also consider, "Hey, I must admit I get a buzz from all this talk, but of course as in any relationship, I feel it's got to be balanced out with other material, you know? So I'm wondering if we might cool it a bit and share about other things more." This will be an interesting "test" to see if he is actually interested in that for its own sake! And how much in common you both have, without the "bond" of the sexuality.

[ghost69]

i think the sex talk makes him more attracted to you. i think you need to hang out with him to find out if he is actually into you or the talk is intriguing him.