EvaGina Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 In another thread, someone said their bf was planning to propose soon... now, is it just me or does that make no sense? If they were planning to propose, then both parties know about it, which makes you engaged by default, just without a ring. also, why do people have long engagments? is it to test the waters? imo, you shouldnt get engaged unless you are ready to get married (emotionally that is, I can understand if you are saving up for a big wedding or a house or something)... otherwise its just a lie. I have been engaged, btw, and it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 In another thread, someone said their bf was planning to propose soon... now, is it just me or does that make no sense? If they were planning to propose, then both parties know about it, which makes you engaged by default, just without a ring. also, why do people have long engagments? is it to test the waters? imo, you shouldnt get engaged unless you are ready to get married (emotionally that is, I can understand if you are saving up for a big wedding or a house or something)... otherwise its just a lie. I have been engaged, btw, and it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done. To me officially engaged means a ring and a wedding date. I don't believe in long engagements either where the reason is that someone isn't ready. If you are planning to propose and tell your S.O. that's engaged to be engaged, I suppose. I don't relate to why the proposal has to wait although sometimes it is so the families will be available and not out of town, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 also, why do people have long engagments? I don't get that. I really don't. I 'd like to know too. To me should be as long as it takes you to organise the wedding about 6 months to a year. What is a 2 year engagement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 My parents were engaged for 4 years partly because dad was away in graduate school and because my mother was only 17 when they got engaged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karvala Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Some people use engagement as a sort of level in relationship commitment. As in dating, exclusive dating, living together, engaged, married; something like that. Other people use long engagements as a signal of intent to get married at some point, but aren't in a position (financially, practically, or emotionally) to get married soon after that time. I daresay there are other reasons as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Some people use engagement as a sort of level in relationship commitment. As in dating, exclusive dating, living together, engaged, married; something like that. Other people use long engagements as a signal of intent to get married at some point, but aren't in a position (financially, practically, or emotionally) to get married soon after that time. I daresay there are other reasons as well. But why? If you are going to get engaged why do it it years before you can get married? If you get engaged, why not just get married? The only delay that I understand is if you want a big wedding and you need time to plan it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I think the 'planning to propose' thing is because although the couple know they are going to get married, they still want the whole romantic proposal on bended knee ideal. I don't see the point of a long engagement - you are either committed or you are not. At one time it may have been necessary when couples didn't live together before marriage and money needed to be saved for buying a house, furniture and so on but things have changed for most people since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 My parents were engaged for 4 years partly because dad was away in graduate school and because my mother was only 17 when they got engaged. see, those are real reasons but becuase one person isnt sure or isnt ready? why get engaged? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 i agree with you eva. the "long" engagements sometimes seem kind of silly to me, unless the couple is young. but planning a wedding 4,5 years out seems rather odd to me. or, just having the ring, but not being ready to "get married." then why even get engaged? I too, consider engagement just that period of time that you are actively planning the wedding. a wise relative of mine told me that the second he proposed to his wife and she said yes, they considered themselves married. they really didn't need the state or a priest to tell them that they are married (even though they did go ahead and get everything official!) he said likewise, if they ever get divorced (looking unlikely after 50 years together), they would just say "bye" and consider it done. I really agree, I don't see what the official paperwork has that much to do with it, if you don't act married in your hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarLily Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Yeah to me a proposal is a surprise. If a guy told me "hey hun, I will propose to you soon", I would be shocked! What happened to the old-fashioned proposals? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Originally Posted by Batya33 My parents were engaged for 4 years partly because dad was away in graduate school and because my mother was only 17 when they got engaged. see, those are real reasons I'll allow things were perhaps different 30 or 40 years ago. But if you gave me that logic now I'd still say "Why get engaged now?". You can get married for next to nothing and once you are married it costs you no more and makes no further commitments on you. Personally, I think a 2 or 3 year engagement is a recipe for disaster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Personally, I think a 2 or 3 year engagement is a recipe for disaster.I think it can be. It's like saying "I don't really trust that this relationship is going to work yet so I want an escape clause before signing on the dotted line. But I also don't want you seeing anyone else." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Yes, I agree. These days I would - if asked - try to suggest to a teenager that she not get engaged until they are ready to marry within the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Personally I think the whole ring on bended knee thing is a joke. If you want to ask me something that important, say it to my face, not my crotch. Long engagements that are not spent saving or because of separation (school, military, whatev) are a stupid. If you didn't know for sure when it was brought up, SAY NO. Telling someone you're going to propose is like saying, "think about it so I don't get rejected when I pop the question". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 If you want to ask me something that important, say it to my face, not my crotch. Well hopefully they would be staring up at your face, not looking at your crotch. I don't think you want to throw all the traditions out with the new age. It should be available if an individual wants to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 I think it can be. It's like saying "I don't really trust that this relationship is going to work yet so I want an escape clause before signing on the dotted line. But I also don't want you seeing anyone else." lol yes its not as romantic... but its more realistic 2 friends of mine just got engaged after 7 years together... and they arent planning on getting married for 4... they are made for eachother, but everyone is saying they are just giving themselves a chance to ruin it. if you arent sure, then dont get engaged. i wouldnt get engaged unless he was willing to get a tattoo (if hes not a tattoo kinda guy... this falls over, but I cant see me getting married to a guy that wasnt into them) representing our relationship. tattoos are forever, as are marriages. If you have the doubt its not going to last, then you dont do it, end of story (for me, anyways). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I confess I didn't do the bended knee thing. At the time we were having a picnic in Battersea Park and we were lying on the grass. Lying on it - not smoking it. Just clarifying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiranai Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I'm in the second year of my engagement. (I think it's the 2nd but I really forgot.) We know we're going to get married, whether we're engaged or not really doesn't matter. It's just a title. Part of why we say we're engaged is so people will stop asking us if we're going to marry. Except now they ask when we're going to marry which is equally annoying. We'll get married on paper when we get to it I guess. I don't see the need to have it on paper except for tax benefits. He really wants to see it on paper though, and he wants a ceremony too. I said sure... if he wants to plan it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Have you accepted gifts based on being "engaged?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 I'm in the second year of my engagement. (I think it's the 2nd but I really forgot.) We know we're going to get married, whether we're engaged or not really doesn't matter. It's just a title. Part of why we say we're engaged is so people will stop asking us if we're going to marry. Except now they ask when we're going to marry which is equally annoying. We'll get married on paper when we get to it I guess. I don't see the need to have it on paper except for tax benefits. He really wants to see it on paper though, and he wants a ceremony too. I said sure... if he wants to plan it. thats kinda different living as a married couple, without the documents is another kettle of fish my bfs parents arent officially married. although your bf does seem to want it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbledegook Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Personally I think the whole ring on bended knee thing is a joke. If you want to ask me something that important, say it to my face, not my crotch. Wow... I laughed my donkey off at that one. Very nice. Lying on it - not smoking it. Just clarifying. Y'sure? Sure there'll probably be at least once where the though will cross your mind otherwise I was at a party the other night, and I noticed someone there without her usual clingy boyfriend. I commented such to a friend, wondering if something had happened between the two of them. Friend answered back "You know they're engaged, right?" ... He's 16, she's 19. Two years before they can even think about getting married. six if they're smart and wait 'til he's out of school. I don't get it. What's the point? Why put the strain of adding another title to yourselves, if you can't fulfill the obligations of that title for years to come... Silly what people do these days. I can understand two years. My sister and her husband were engaged about that long, and I know she was busy planning their wedding the whole time. It gave her enough time to get everything perfect, without having to really stress about things, and it all worked out beautifully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtgrl812 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 In another thread, someone said their bf was planning to propose soon... now, is it just me or does that make no sense? If they were planning to propose, then both parties know about it, which makes you engaged by default, just without a ring. also, why do people have long engagments? is it to test the waters? imo, you shouldnt get engaged unless you are ready to get married (emotionally that is, I can understand if you are saving up for a big wedding or a house or something)... otherwise its just a lie. I have been engaged, btw, and it was one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I don't know what to tell u--- these seems to be a trend... i have a girl pal who invited to a "engagment party" iasked him when he proposed and she said... "oh he is going to this weekend" i was like "huh??" she said he took her to pick out the ring and they had big dinner plans for that weekend and he was going to propose durring desert.... talk about anti-climatic!! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbledegook Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I have a girl pal who invited to a "engagment party" iasked him when he proposed and she said... "oh he is going to this weekend" i was like "huh??" she said he took her to pick out the ring and they had big dinner plans for that weekend and he was going to propose durring desert.... Meh... *That's* really exciting. There's no surprise to that; no mystery, no FUN. Hopefully you'll only be doing this once in your life; why the heck would you work at making it as unmemorable as possible? That seems really silly to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 lol. so it was a pre-engagement party. i guess there will be another engagement party in a few weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 Yer... Its a fine line tho going "I am serious enough about you to NOT freak out at the thought of marriage" is close to, but not the same as "i want to marry you one day" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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