Are you vindictive?

[King5]

I have been posting mainly in the relationship section and I ask this question because I have come to believe I might be the most vindictive person I have ever met.

 

 

Is anyone else vindictive out there?

[metrogirl]

I'm not......Nothing good can ever come from it.

[capbit]

I dont see myself as vindictive mainly because ive never been in such situations where I would be. However, if ithereever was a serious enough event, who knows.

[King5]

See I'm a flat out SOB when people cross me. Even my colleagues have noticed it... Nce sweet guy 99% of the time...I swear. But lately..it hase been closer to 50%

[Daddy Bear]

Vengeance is not mine!

[wandy27]

i must confese i have been vindictive in many occasions when provoked

[EvaGina]

I have been, very.

I have been amazingly vindictive.

but not for ages.

 

Imo, your own opinion of yourself means nothing, you arent a good person becuase you may have good intentions, you can only be judged on your actions. So I used to be a pretty horrid person... but anyone can change

[Cimmie]

Not really. If I have ever felt vindictive I also hate myself for it, which is a pretty punishing inner mechanism.

 

Vindictiveness is an absolutely hateful trait, I think.

 

I was treated appallingly by my ex and his much younger girlfriend:

cheated on, lied to, manipulated, physically assaulted...I haven't spoken to him in 6 months but the two of them recently left a mocking message on my phone

 

I went through a lot of extreme emotions at the beginning - a thirst for revenge being high on the list, because that is a natural reflex if someone has wounded you so profoundly. If someone tried to kill you, your instict would be to fight back. If someone degrades you and humiliates you for no reason, you have a similar reflex. I practically had to be restrained by my mom from sending back a cruel and hate-filled email to him. Now I am so glad she managed to talk sense into me. Indifference and silence are more dignified. Why degrade yourself even further by stooping to their level?

 

The problem starts when the reflex gets 'stuck' and you can't move beyond it, but sit there examining your hurt over and over, and seething in private. It's corrosive, and does you great harm. Although believe me, I know how desperately hard it is to get over a serious wrong. Everything in you cries out for some kind of restorative justice.

 

I struggled with these feelings for a long time, but I am so relieved to say I am not bitter or hate-filled any more. The hatred is like a fever, and you can get over it. I am a bit cynical and untrusting, but I can live with that. As for forgiveness - no I have not forgiven them, nor will I. But I don't need to if I feel indifferent to them. Feeling healed is the most important thing, and people have various ways of achieving this.

 

OP, don't give in to this part of your personality. It won't harm anyone but you.

[Luke Skywalker]

I think I have an 'educational' vindictiveness about myself.

 

When I sue people, I want to learn about law, the legal system, how to address judges in court, how to convince a jury and win a case against experienced lawyers who have been in practise for over thirty years - I sort of view it as a challenge - although inside, it feels good to know people are spending money on me indirectly, by hiring the best lawyers to fight me. I like to challenge laws using the constitution. But, I need to be vindictive to do that, or find an occasion to be vindictive, formulate a legal argument, then use the legal system to make my point.

 

Haven't sued in a long time though. I'm defending cases against my mom for now.

 

I was vindictive with this other girl where I berated her with hurtful emails when she was already down after some guy dumped her like a hot potatoe - I did it after she was virtually written off by consutling on enotalone that what she was doing isn't a good sign and I should withdraw - but then I went on adultfriendfinder - I would never have gave myself permission to go on an adult-site or look at porn like that unless I had a vindictiveness against someone (and I abstained from porn for a long time too) - so it was necessary to 'test-boundaries' to see if I would actually go with a random stranger to lose my virginity - to see if I would be tempted, not out of lust, but out of vindictiveness - but then I realised, it's not worth it, and opted out of it after consulting with my dad.

 

So, by being vindictive - I learned the legal process, the legal system, watched the evolution of law in Ontario from an oppressive system to one where there are legal fee waivers for the poor and contingency fees having exprienced this opression first hand. I went looking for casual hook-ups on adult sites and tested my boundaries of my sexuality and how far I would go. I've also excelled in my career, motivated to make lots of money since I may be getting even with someone who thinks I'm a total loser, or maybe she doesn't care - but in case she does - well I'm going to be successful.

 

Great -- so there you go, vindictiveness = education and testing boundaries.