How to deal with a confused girl???? HELP

[wgurttrid]

Ok guys and gals, need some help here.

 

Here is the story, started seeing a girl about a month and half ago, went out a couple times and everything was perfect. She started studying for a very imporntat exam and she became very busy so I backed off. Called her every few days, say Hi to her and see how everything is going, mainly to show her I was still interested and understood that her exam should be a priority. After this going on for about a month, of us just talking on the phone, she started mentioning we should hang out sometime once things had calmed down. So we set-up a date, called her that morning to make sure we were on for the night, and she dropped the bomb "I met someone, just sorta happened, I have known him for a while know though just recently at volleyball we have talked about a serious relationship, and this and that, and though i really like you an i want to see you, just not sure!". Told her to think on this and call me later if she wanted to do something, we talked later and I told her I needed to talk to her and basically say what is on my mind.

 

So we ended up going out for drinks on a patio, and talked and talked. She expressed how confused she is, how she could see herself with someone like me, and I told her that I am not gonna play the pick me game and that when I leave tonight I need to truly leave for my sanity. At one point she was in tears over not sure what to do and how much she really likes me. The night went wonderful together though, considering, we were honest with each other. Ended the night saying good bye and her asking me for a kiss, which was amazing, and ended with a better hug. Told her the final I can't wait around but you can call me if you like. Leaving it in her hands. Truley was ready to walk away.

 

So next day, get a text message from her in the morning while i was at work, saying "just want you too know I am thinking of you", then a voice message later in the afternoon saying "I want to say thanks for last night, see how you are doing, and say I had a wonderful time and that I am thinking of you". So next couple days this sorta stuff continued, just the overall vibe of that she likes me. The weekend finally arrived, and she facebooked me on friday night, saying "thinking of you". And then on Saturday night while i was out, and she was out, left a voice message saying "thinking of you, etc and then later at midnight she called and we talked. Ended up meeting her at a bar down the street, danced a little, kissed and made out with her, and then left her to go back to my frineds.

 

So that was last weekend, Sunday we talked early monring and I mentioned we should do somehting on Tuesday or whatever. So I called her Tuesday and left a message seeing say give me a call back when you can. So today is Wednesday and I am at work and she popped online, so we chatted and she expressed her frustration and not sure about anything anymore. Last week she was hot hot on me and overall vibe is she is scared once again and trying to back off. Hopefully that makes sense.

 

So we chatted, and I asked her what she was thinking (implying about me - us) and she said the same but that she is confused and not sure about anything, a repeat of last week. Which I was not thinking I woudl hear, finally said to her I have some important things to tell you as well and that I am confused as well, and that I am not gonna try and find the words anymore of what I am feeling and just going to say them, so most likely will see her tomorrow night.

 

So guys and gals, I am thinking tomorrow night when I see her I am going to just be upfront and honest, not gonna ride the fence with my thoughts and feelings or come up with any witty analogy's. What I want and need to tell her (let me know if everyone agree's)........"Is I really like you, I see something great when we are together, BUT I need to honestly know what you are thinking deep down, cause last week not to sound like a cliche I was ready to let you go and the next day your telling me your thinking of me and that is how you were the whole week with me, just got the impression you want something with me, and when we kissed I do feel magic with you. I am finding it hard to let this go though I feel I should. I am just really confused with this all and afraid I am gonna pass up something with someone else causse my head is spinning which I am afraid I might have already done. If you want me great cause I do want you, but if that can not be answered truthfully, I really need to avoid contact with you cause I see myself getting hurt in this process if it contiues down this path of hot on me then confused on me. I do not want to be just another option for you and to be strung along"

 

What are your thoughts people?? Just really feel I need to be straight up with her and tell her my thoughts.

[zippitt]

In this case I feel it's important you tell her how you feel as you seem to be already dealing with a partial emotional attachment. If you don't tell her I believe it will drive you crazy. She just needs to be upfront with you, if you are not what she is looking for she just needs to say it so you can move on.

 

The only time I believe you should not say how you feel is if you attachement or obsession is unfounded, IE no intimate moments, closeness, flirting or even talking. You know, like the guy that meets the hot girl on one date and is already confessing his love. You don't see to be that man so get it off your chest.

[PocoDiablo]

Simple.

 

Think "First date philosophy" here. Would you EVER tell a woman this on the first date?

 

No?

 

Of course not.

 

Why?

 

Because it's clingy, desperate, way too forward, and very unattractive. This is why she found "another man." He's less boring than you (or maybe something else, just don't do this!)

 

What are your thoughts people?? Just really feel I need to be straight up with her and tell her my thoughts.

If you tell her ANYTHING like that you will for sure scare her off. That is the perfect way to get her to dump you.

 

If you like her, act attractive. FORGET the therapy talk. Save that for your doctor or your mother, single women don't want to hear it.

 

Think about this - she is choosing between two men. You have to be the better of the two men. That means you need to (1) be fun to be with (2) mature (3) confident (4) challenging emotionally and intellectually (5) have self control (6) NOT BORING!

 

Personally, I don't waste time with a woman who is seeing another man. You're the sucker here - she is giving 50% of her attention to both you guys, and you are BOTH putting out 100% to her. Who is getting the better deal? She is.

 

The REAL advice I would give you is the fact that she dumped you once mean s you have no backbone if you take her back. Now she knows she can do it again the next time some other guy comes along. No adult male should act this way, you deserve better!

 

I would tell her sorry, you had your chance, I'm not some guy who you can just toy with. I demand a mature, respectful, and adult relationship with someone who will work with me to have a quality long term relationship. You've proven too flighty to me, and I wish you the best of luck with your new man.

 

Move on, move on... Unless she swears she'll never do it again, and is 100% committed to you, you're likely going to get burned again.

[wgurttrid]

Thanks Pocodiablo, gave me some much needed insight. And gonna steal your thoughts exactly as that does hit the hammer on the head.

 

Going to tell her pretty much word for word how you wrote it which is clear concise and to the point.

 

Maybe help me out one more time here, should I just send and email and be done with it or try and see her tomorrow?? Feel like I should just get it done and over with by email or phone, but other side of me is saying shoudl do it face to face or at least ask to see her to get this off my chest.

 

???

[boo121]

What are your thoughts people?? Just really feel I need to be straight up with her and tell her my thoughts.

 

You can be up front and honest with her, but do not tell her how you are feeling or what she might be feeling about you. Just stay off that whole subject. All saying that will do for you is tell her that you are needy and will do anything for her. Be upfront and honest about what YOU want here. I expect both of u guys are confused about what u want, and all this does is generates confusing on the womens part.

 

Jst have some control and keep a lid on information that could be prematurely revealing. In other words, be a bit of a challenge, make her wonder about you, trust me, this is what she reaaally wants.

 

If you actually sit down and think for a second about what is going on here, you will see that she is getting the better deal. She is in control of both of you and can decide which one of you she can have.

[Belle]

Poco's right. You've become the anti challenge and even in the best of situations where she's very interested, you'll lose out to someone more challenging. You shouldn't be discussing your feelings so early. If a guy pulled this about face with me, I wouldn't have been conciliatory like you were and given him another chance. If I'm not a priority with him, I don't want him. Just because you really like someone doesn't mean that you should ever give up your personal integrity. You only let yourself down.

[PocoDiablo]

I would just tell her "You know, I've thought about this, and you're really not the kind of woman I want to date. I wish you all the best with your new man. Good bye." I would tell her in person, and expect her to ask for clarification, beg you to explain it, kiss up to you and try to get you to change your mind (the man test.) If you say anything OTHER than that first line, you will have failed again.

 

Just pick one sentence, keep it short and simple, memorize it, tell her, and walk away. Be polite, repeat it as many times as you need to, and she'll get the clue.