what's happening? and i can't decide...

[asiu]

My ex was always the repressed one, I'm the outspoken one and was DEFINITELY bratty (hindsight)and took many things for granted. but I'm glad I've recognized that and am working towards improvement. We broke up having him saying his feelings and not the same and he wants freedom. i don't know really how much feeling was left of him for me then, but i know he felt suffocated and i definitely triggered his suffocation wounds - which led to him wanting as much freedom as possible. we've broken up for 7 weeks (3 weeks of NC from me) We are keeping light contact now, we only chat when he initiates messaging me on msn. I try to keep the talks light hearted and still caring but not needy. On a few occasion, i felt that he had something he wanted to say, but somehow, that ball went rolling somewhere else everytime. He is also stubborn and always will "stick to his guns" if he's decided on something and wont change his acts even if his mind has changed. I'm not sure if this time is ready for me to 'ask'. We're on summer break, im doing summer sessions, he's back home having a blast. He told me he's been thinking a lot and through what we've chatted about, it seems to me he has realized about something... I'm not expecting too much or having my hopes up. but i don't want to miss it if somethings was possible or about to happen....

 

please give some advice.

 

for more info:

here's my first post about the break up. it was end of April

 

then a little in NC:

 

the situation after 2 weeks of NC:

 

Then it was 3 weeks of NC before i ended it when he messaged me. he initiated the talk by asking if i was angry with him. i said no, but had mixed feelings and had written a letter to him. he asked to read it and i sent it to him. i never got a respond regarding the letter from him but he chats with me and i don't initiate contact. i keep light contact and my distance to avoid being clingy while staying connected without pursuing. So that he doesn't go "out of sight, out of mind" and may allow him to think through things, which i think he has. i don't know how far he is in his reflections but i'm sure some has begun. from then on, its the question of whether he 'sticks to his guns' out of stubbornness (if his IS coming through with some kind of epiphany)

 

 

meanwhile, i keep going back and forth from "i love him", then "i don't love him". sometimes i feel i really do. then sometimes i think it isn't love yet. i don't really know. im new to love and just can't 'know' wut it is or isn't.

 

*sigh* this is difficult... i've done my part as much as i can, but this stuff is just ...hard

[Master Sasori]

Im not the one who decides for you wether you should or shouldn't stay with him, i can only give you the advice that a 50 year long married couple gave to me. A relationship is all about being together, but still letting eachother being able to do their own thing. You can love someone but you don't own that person as your own personal property.

 

Only bring love and happyness into the lives of the people that you know, he isn't with you so you can make his life miserable, and you aren't with him so he can make you miserable. Couples are supposed to make eachother happy, arguments act like poison in the relationship even small ones can lead to big break ups. if an argument arises (no matter who starts it) don't give another spin to that wheel of hatred that makes the misery go on forever, you cannot fight evil with evil, you can only fight evil with love.