Advice Required

[Ed1]

After having a 5 month affair with a woman, I have split up with my partner of 6 years and after the other woman telling her partner everything, she is giving her relationship one last try....firstly I am very confused as to how the woman I was having an affair can give her relationship one last try, and why her b/f would want to. She has told him everything, including the fact that she is 'in love' with me and doesn't know if that will ever change...I know that she has told him this as I know her manager, and close friends, and she has told them this also...aswell as her parents.

 

Anyway 5 weeks ago we thought we would be together, we both came clean to our partners, I am now single, she is giving her relationship one last try, after her partner begged her to stay. We are still in contact (at least 2 - 3 times a week) and she told me on Monday that she is nuts about me, is in love with me, misses me, thinks about me all the time, can imagine marrying me, having kids etc etc, BUT needs to do this, and would be able to look at herself in the mirror if she didn't give her relationship one last try! Why I don't know. She says that she is trying to supress her feelings for me....! But that is hard...!

 

She also said that she doesn't know how long she will try for, but would love us to be together if it doesn't work out. She has said though that she considers me to be too good a catch and worries that I won't be available, IF she splits up with her b/f.

 

She is coming to my neck of the woods this weekend, and she has told me where she is going, and joked about us bumping into each other, but then said that it would totally do her head in if she saw me, and that she wouldn't be able to keep her hands of me, so we couldn't meet....

 

I would really like to see her, am missing her like crazy, and would like to surprise her by meeting her at the station....Question is, would this be a good idea....would I appear to be not honouring her wishes, even though she has told me where she is going etc....

 

I guess my intentions are that by seeing her after a 6 week break she may realise how much she wants me etc....

 

Your advice would be appreciated....

 

Thanks....

[answersguy]

this is an ugly situation... Stay away from her at all costs. Stop talking to her so much and let her know you're about to start dating. She knows that she can keep you on the side as a backup and she's right. Don't be someone's safety net buddy, if you let her know you're moving on she'll probably start clinging to you and trying to be with you but I wouldn't recommend giving in.

[Iceman26]

She is giving her relationship one last try because she is indecisive and he probably offers her some type of security. The poor idiot she is dating took her back because he has no self respect.

 

If you respect her, then respect her decision to give her relationship one last try and don't interfere.

[andyg]

You need to show up and see her. Let her cheat again and it will effectively end her relationship with this other guy.

[liloner]

move on why wood u wanna b deal with a lady that doesnt know what she wants she wants to play with both of u shes got both of u confuse including herself ...just move on dont waste ur time time is precious

[jimthzz]

ed,

 

you're just a pitstop for her on the way to the next guy, and the next guy, and so on.

[RayKay]

Well Ed, not sure what you want to hear as we have certainly gone over this before!

 

She is showing her real character right now. That is the character that is willing to lead someone on, say another thing than what you are doing, not commit to either person and certainly not to either relationship.

 

Funny thing is you are still infatuated and probably don't see these as the major flaws the are. I still think your "love" is based more on what you want to believe - given the relatively short time you actually spent together and it has all been within the context of "fantasy" rather than real life where relationships have their ups, downs and all arounds, stresses and daily routines. We tend to project on new people what we are missing in our current relationships....only to find the new people cannot resolve what we miss in ourselves, and they bring their own problems too.

 

I mean can you say you really want to be with someone whom can sit their and lie to their long term partner about working on things while still continuing contact with their affair partner? Think LONG and hard about this because you are going to be that partner one day. If she is this way now, she is not going to magically change despite what she says. I know a girl whom repeated the same thing this girl is doing, over and over...always saying "this person was the one and they would NEVER cheat"....well.....repeat this a few times.

 

If you truly do respect her and care for her however, you need to stay out of her way and not interfere in her life/relationship right now.

[treefrogkate]

Ed,

 

Answer me this: If she considers you to be such a great catch, why is she still with her boyfriend?

 

She is stringing you along in case things don't work out with her boyfriend.

 

Are you willing to settle for being the consolation prize? Second place is still losing, isn't it?

[xprincessbugx]

Don't talk to her anymore. I have a friend thats like this and I've seen her do this to guys over and over again and they never learn. They ALWAYS end up going back to their others because they have been together so long and its comfortable. You were just something that's fun and now she's going to move on and drop you and you're going to be heartbroken. Move on, don't wait around for her.

[Ed1]

What is happening to me... ?

 

RayKay and others have offered some really good advice for me, and I HAVE listened to it, but there is this overwhelming force that makes me over ride this sometimes....

 

Well over the weekend, I met with the woman I have been having an affair with....and it has TOTALLY messed with our heads...Although she was shocked to see me initially, she put her arms around me, and within minutes it felt as though we had not been apart. Although we didn't have a lot of time, we spent the next 2 hours, just gazing into each others eyes, telling how we missed each other, that our feelings hadn't changed, we were in love, and hadn't stopped thinking about each other etc...There was a lot of kissing, hugging, etc, and for those 2 hours I was SO happy, and you could tell she was also. Now we are both miserable again....

 

She phoned her partner up literally within an hour and said that she had seen me, that she had kissed me etc, and he hit the roof (as you can imagine). He has demanded that we have no contact, but I don't think that I can do that. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and she said although the right thing for me to do would be to get on with my own life right now, she can't say that because she loves me, and wants me, but that she needs to get her head straight and give her relationship one last chance (as previously discussed).

 

I LOVE this woman so much, and I know what a lot of people on here think, but I know that this is not a straight forward situation, that I am not second best, and that she is in a really difficult situation of being IN Love with me, and still loving / caring for her b/f and not wanting to leave the relationship without giving it one last go.

 

My purpose of meeting her over the weekend, was a) to see her again, and b) to see if our feelings were the same, which they most definitely are....

Is there anything else I can do?

What can / should I do?

What are the chances of us being together?

Why / can any one relate to why, this woman despite everything, who knows, and has told everyone she knows that she is IN love with me / Nuts about me - still needs to give here relationship one last try?

Why is her b/f still sticking about?

 

I can't / don't want to get involved with anyone else just for some female company, as I don't want to hurt someone if this woman does split up with her b/f and we get together.

It would have been easy for me to stay with my g/f but I need to let her go so that she can find someone who will give her the love that she deserves. Believe me, I still love my g/f but with feelings like this for the other woman, it would be totally selfish of me, and wrong, to stay in this relationship. It is a real mess as we co-own house etc, so it is not a straight forward split, but it is for the best.

 

Sorry for such a long thread, it is difficult to get on mail what and how I am feeling, but I hope that someone wiser than I, can shed some light on this situation for me. I honestly feel that this woman is the one for me. When I asked her this over the weekend about me, she said she could definitely imagine marrying me, having kids with me, and having an amazing life together, and being totally in love with me....

 

Thanks for all your help and support.....

[kleslie]

You are addicted to this fantasy. You need counseling to get through the core of your need.

 

Your GF has believed in you and loved you and you are throwing that away.

Recongize what you have with her. You really don't deserve her, but if you are lucky enough for her to forgive you, you can both work through it.

 

This affair is an addiction for you. You just "think" you can't end it.

Change your message to yourself or you will reap a lifetime harvest for the deception to yourself because of the division you are causing to her marriage that is at a weak moment.

 

Do the right thing and live in peace. This affair will not last... you must get help for yourself.

[RayKay]

You are right, she is "in love" with you....she is infatuated with the idea of you, with what you represent...but she does not love you. And neither do you love her.

 

How much time have you actually spent together other than the brief business trips, and sitting on a bench gazing in one anothers eyes...those are the events themselves that are part of the infatuation stage.

 

When we get "bored" with our long term partners, we become more susceptible to letting ourselves get carried away on these feelings...to point we don't remember EVER having that with our current partner. But you very, very likely did and that is how things started.

 

It is such a shame when people forget greater love comes with the commitment to one another, even when things are "less exciting". And it is a shame when it is quite obvious from the outside you are truly blind to all the warning signs this affair and this girl are showing you.

 

How can she stay with someone she loves and cares about, when she is "in love" with you? Because she can. Because she is indecisive. Because part of her gut knows that she is not that sure about YOU.

 

And it is funny, because you are not seeing that her behaviours right now are the very same stunt she can pull on you in five years when she is "kinda bored but loves and cares for you". Huh, funny idea of "love".

 

You MUST move on. She is right.

 

Maybe it would help you to see the flaws in her behaviour. It is also time to take a good luck at your own character and role in all of this, sorry to say.

 

"Passionate" = but not towards the partner she "loves and cares for"

 

"Honest" = except if you are her partner

 

"Goes for what she wants" = unless she has more than one choice; and also has her going OUTSIDE her relationship.

 

"Loyal" = ha! No need to explain that one

 

"Loving" = well as long as she feels like it....because to her love is not about action, long term commitment and supporting one another

 

"Fun" = well of course...you got to run around and play "indiscretion". What is she like when she is stressed out at work and you are with her day to day, through illness, fatigue, and all the other stresses of life.

 

You only are seeing one side of her....the "best" side of her which is what early impressions are about. This is why I keep drumming on this not being love. Love is about more than all the warm glowy feelings and eye-gazing.

[treefrogkate]

Ed, put yourself into her boyfriend's shoes. Now realize that that will be you in 5 years. I can guarantee it.

 

This girl is all about the thrill of the chase. Once she's caught you, even if she breaks up with her boyfriend to be with you (which you've seen is increasingly unlikely), she'll need to find someone new to chase, won't she? Then you will be left with a cheating girlfriend.

 

Like I said in my previous post, if you are "the one" for her, what is she still doing with her boyfriend?

 

And are you absolutely sure she's actually told her boyfriend? Could this be one big stunt? Remember how freaked out she was when you told her that you informed your girlfriend? She never thought it would get this far. You were just a bit of fun with no strings attached, and now that you want more, she's running scared.

[Ed1]

I am provoking a real barrage of negative comments - I know and understand peoples thoughts on the situation but....

 

Is it not possible that what she is saying to me, her friends, her family, her colleagues is not true? That a person can not be torn between 2 people, and still be a decent person / partner? This is a big decision, I have been in the same situation also...but came to a quicker decision wrt my current relationship...She has even said that maybe her friends/family and I are a few steps ahead in the thought process and that she will come to the conclusion that she doesn't really love her b/f but is just comfortable with the situation. 5 years is a long time, I know as I was with my g/f for 6 years. It is a daunting prospect loosing your home, security etc, especially for a new relationship - regardless of how much we are in love. I am shi**ing myself about the future - I have to sell my home etc, and that scares the hell out of me - so I can see why she is being hesitant. I still love my g/f but it is not fair having the feelings I have for this other woman and prolonging what I see as the inevitable. As far as I see it, both our current relationships are doomed, the trust has gone, and with no marriage, kids etc, I just feel that we could invest another year or two working at the current relationships, but ultimately the damage has been done, their will always be trust issues.

 

I know that she has told her parents - her Mum and Dad both know. They have both said what is meant to be will be, her Dad even suggesting we go away for a couple of weeks together, and see how we both feel then.... I know she has told her boss, and work colleagues - they have told me, her boss even took her a Birthday present from me. I know she has told her best friends - they met me this weekend. Both her friends are not happy with the situation, and have told her she must make a decision and live with it. I am SURE that she has told her b/f. She is telling him everything, which is what nobody, her friends/colleagues, can understand, because it is hurting him - but she doesn't want to lie to him. As soon as we left she phoned him, he could tell something was wrong, and she came clean again...despite him telling her not to speak to me this weekend. Up to this weekend, she was telling him we were still in contact because she needed to be, now he is demanding that she has zero contact with me - or he walks. She has told him she will try, but that is what she has been doing for the past 6 weeks...

 

I have even told her what has been said on here, she says that she has nothing to hide, that she loves me, she is nuts about me, but she still loves/or cares for her boyfriend, and needs to get her head straight. She wants me, but can not leave a 5 year relationship on a whim, without seeing if anything, even if it just a friendship at the end of the day, is salvagable. I can understand that - surely other forum members can to...? She says that if her b/f had acted in any other way than he has with the news, she would have left.

 

As for how much time have we spent together - 4 weeks solid (split over 4 weeks), long weekends away, phone (up to 2 hours a day), e-mails, texts daily etc for 5 months. We have spent a lot of time having serious discussions about why we have got together etc, and to a certain extent, both of us agree that some of the reason is dis-satsifaction in our current relationships. We also agree that even if we would have been happy we doubt things wouldn't have happeneded. That is NOT insignificant. People have proposed and gotten married on a lot less, and been blisfully happy long term.

 

Could it not be possible that this relationship is meant to be? and that it may just take time?

 

I am hurting, I do feel that I have caused a lot of pain for all concerned, and feel like crap for that. I do also feel that I have met an amazing / very special woman, who feels the same way (or is an extremely good actress), and thought that this could be the one. Lets not forget I was not looking for someone else, neither was she....

 

I am a very confused.....

[kleslie]

As for how much time have we spent together - 4 weeks solid (split over 4 weeks), long weekends away, phone (up to 2 hours a day), e-mails, texts daily etc for 5 months. We have spent a lot of time having serious discussions about why we have got together etc, and to a certain extent, both of us agree that some of the reason is dis-satsifaction in our current relationships.

 

This is what has just happened to me and and exactly what my now EX did to me for 6 mths... our relationship is now over. I landed in his call logs to find out the truth. The call logs were out of the world. We could have made it work, but he obviously landed in an affair with a married women with 3 kids. (which I am sure she will leave her husband over as well -- yeah right).

Once real life sets in - she will never leave. The children will suffer as well as the husband. NOBODY wins.

The worst part - he still denies it.

 

Yes, you may be hurting -- but in the long term harvest of what you are involved in - you will hurt even more one day when you realize that your committed GF was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. When you find someone that is committed to you and accepts you and loves you completely, you are the lucky one, and working on the relationship, as long as it may take, will bring much more reward in the long term - unlike the torment and pain caused by an affair!!

 

Sorry to be so blunt - but I have no compassion for your hurt....as someone just like you recently broke my heart and threw away 6 years of a loving relationship.

 

Do the right thing.... get some counseling and support from healthy friends and continue to come here to seek advice...it will help you.

 

You can do the right thing, just believe in yourself and change the message.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, isn't that peachy of her... she gets you to leave your girlfriend, and now she refuses to leave her boyfriend.

 

the other thing that you are missing here is that she keeps choosing her boyfriend over you again, and again, and AGAIN!

 

and she says she can 'imagine' you marrying her, having kids, etc.? well i can imagine myself winning the lottery, but that is not getting me any closer to the money!

 

i don't mean to be harsh, but you are being played here. she gets her little romantic juice every now and then from you, gets her boyfriend all hot and bothered and jealous, and she is happy as a clam, the total center of two guy's attention!!

 

has she given you any real indication she will leave? has she got a plan for how long she will 'try' with him? has she got a plan for when and if she will exit that relationship? it really doesn't sound like it. it sounds like she enjoys having you on a string fluffing up her ego, but keeps making the choice to stay with the one she wants, her boyfriend!

 

i agree that you shouldn't be with your own girlfriend if you are involved with another woman, but really, the other woman isn't involved with you more than a bit of drama and empty promises. remind yourself that you are alone, and will stay that way, at this woman's mercy, for as long as she chooses.

 

and i think that even if her boyfriend gets tired of it and boots her out, she may come to you, but she will be looking for another guy to create this kind of drama with you. so nothing changes but the players, same old thing.

 

so please don't delude yourself and accept someone else's leftover crumbs. if you seriously think she is the one, then you need to talk to her about making *concrete* plans for her to make a decision, the timeframe firmly established etc., then she either moves out from him, or you move on.

 

please don't live on hope alone. that leaves you totally at her mercy, to continue to waffle for the next 20 years if she feels like it, while you get nothing and no one.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

our posts crossed, so i have one more comment on your last one... you say that the trust is ruined in her current relationship, but the trust is also already ruined in yours with her.

 

do you think you can go the next 30 years wondering whether she is out doing with some other guy, what she did with you. while you are at home waiting, she might be out with some NEW guy, sneaking away for weekends, texting him in the bathroom while you sleep, etc. etc.?

 

the reality is that 99% of affairs eventually implode and are NOT successful as long term partnerships or marriages, for exactly this reason. real life will settle in, and most of the excitement will drain out. then whenever she is late, or goes on a business trip, or whatever, you will wonder, is she meeting up with her old boyfriend like she met secretly with me? these relationships by default have a built in shelf life (not very long), because they were created in secrecy and built on lies, and on hurting other people to get your own way.

 

so if you can imagine life with her, imagine that she might do this same thing to you with someone else (and she will be imagining the same about you). it is a HUGE hurdle to get over when a relationship started as cheating, especially when one person like her keeps waffling and is playing two men off each other. she will do this again, with you as the partner, and some new guy as the new flame.

 

hope springs eternal, but really, affairs are a bad way to choose a new partner... please don't wait too long for something that might be a big disappointment should it come to pass, and another heartbreaker for you.

[Ed1]

Wow - thanks for the lengthy replies....

 

I DO understand forum members concerns about this woman, but you don't know her, and in that respect, this is I suppose one of the weaknesses of these types of forums. This does not detract from the excellent advice, and experiences that you have shared with me, but I do feel that this woman is being tarred with a bad brush.

 

Both of us have had a lot of previous relationships, both of us have been in our current relationships 5+ years, and both of us have never cheated until now. This woman is going through hell right now, I know because I speak with her colleagues/friends who say how upset/messed up she is, and that this is the hardest decision she has ever had to make. I do not believe that this woman is a serial adultress, just as much as I know I am not a serial B*stard either. What we have done IS wrong, but we DO share the same feelings for each other....Maybe I didn't feel as strongly about my g/f which is why I split with her and the other woman is finding it harder to make the break - I don't know as everyone is different, everyone has different tolerance levels etc. Who knows...

 

As for timelines.....she has spoken with her parents who have advised a period of zero contact (e.g. 3 months). If we still feel the same way after that then she leaves her b/f and we get together. Problem is neither of us know if we can stop contact for this long. We have tried this for the past 6 weeks, and it didn't work.....

 

Her b/f hates me - naturally. But I don't know why he is being so persitant. Just as you say that I would be worried about this woman being unfaithful to me in the future if we get together, what is going through this guys head? Why doesn't he just throw the towel in?

 

This is in no way an ideal situation, but I do know of examples where this has happened, and the couple finally got together, and have been happily for 20+ years.

 

I do appreciate everyones advice, both on this and previous threads, but there must be some thought that this could be the real deal, and that the course of true love may prevail for us.....

[kleslie]

Her b/f hates me - naturally. But I don't know why he is being so persitant. Just as you say that I would be worried about this woman being unfaithful to me in the future if we get together, what is going through this guys head? Why doesn't he just throw the towel in?

 

You will hate her "next BF" too, once she cheats on you.

 

He doesn't throw the towel in because he is committed to a relationship based on love and not false love. There is a big difference between true love and false love... perhaps you might consider reading up on that.

 

Perhaps both of you are unable to commit going through the withdrawals of NC for the 3 mths that you are suggesting. Again, affairs can be addictive - it has nothing to do with love.... sorry.

 

Once you are the "cheatee" ... you will understand her BF much better.

Stick with this girl and you will be one of the stats like most of us here and will be posting with a view from the other side.

 

Best of luck.

[Iceman26]

Wow - thanks for the lengthy replies....

 

I DO understand forum members concerns about this woman, but you don't know her, and in that respect, this is I suppose one of the weaknesses of these types of forums. This does not detract from the excellent advice, and experiences that you have shared with me, but I do feel that this woman is being tarred with a bad brush.

 

 

The fact that we don't know her is a strength; we are able to look and give advice on the situation for what it is, without our feelings getting involved.

[Ed1]

Kleslie,

 

Thanks for your replies, and I am really sorry that you have been on the recieving end of an affair. This situation is different in the sense that neither of us are married, or have kids. This makes the situation a lot less complicated, in the sense that it would be a lot more difficult to leave a partner with kids.

 

This woman is not a serial adultress. She has been totally open about this affair to her family/friends/work colleagues, and all are genuinely shocked, as this is not at all like her i.e. she has always been very loyal. She has been totally honest with her b/f also (again I know this as I have spoken to mutual friends of his). She has told him that she Loves Me, is IN love with me, she can't stop thinking about me/missing me, and does not know if that will ever change. For the sake of her b/f she has decieded to give the relationship one last chance, and tells her b/f every time we are in contact (text, e-mail, phone, etc). This obviously upsets him a lot, but he seems to be handling it well. As for the fact that he is committed to a relationship of love....most people who posted on a previous thread I wrote on the situation said that he has no self respect, that we should split up with our current partners, that the trust has gone etc. I believe that which is why I have split with my g/f - the hardest thing I have ever done, but hopefully you will agree the right thing. This woman feels the same way about me, has been totally open abaout her feelings to people she knows, more so than I have to friends/family, but yet her b/f still feels there is something to work on....

 

I don't believe that she will do this to me if we get together, as this does not reflect her past loyalty. Neither of us have been unfaithful before, both of us have seen the pain and destruction first hand that it has caused, and both of us are acutely aware, and sure that this is a very hard lesson to be learnt. This does not detract from the feelings we have for each other. It would have been very easy for either of us to throw the towel in when things got messy with our current partners, but we have such strong feelings for each other. It would be nice if someone could see this from a different perspective....

[midnightrambler]

this is an ugly situation... Stay away from her at all costs. Stop talking to her so much and let her know you're about to start dating. She knows that she can keep you on the side as a backup and she's right. Don't be someone's safety net buddy, if you let her know you're moving on she'll probably start clinging to you and trying to be with you but I wouldn't recommend giving in.

 

 

 

great advice.....great analysis

[JadedStar]

Whew, you have really been sold a bill of goods Ed. The people here have had an ecclectic background in relationships. We don't need to meet face to face to get a good idea of this woman's personality type.

 

She is not married to this other man nor has kids iwth him. Yet she chooses him over and over. If I were you, i'd be more angry than in love for having left my partner for her, only for her to balk. She is bad bad news Ed, and if you don't want to listen to this from all of these many people here then you will get what you get. And maybe what you even deserve if you continue to keep those blinders on.

 

SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ED. If she was, she would not be with her b/f. She is NOT MARRIED to him thereforeeee she could have left him when she said she was going to. What part of this do you not get?

 

And sorry you are not experiencing true love. You are still in the fantasy honeymoon period Ed. reality has not yet set in for you.

[JadedStar]

This situation is different in the sense that neither of us are married, or have kids. This makes the situation a lot less complicated, in the sense that it would be a lot more difficult to leave a partner with kids.

 

Ed please wake up! DO you not understand that her not having kids nor being married to this man makes it ALL THE MORE APPARENT that she is not in love with you? There is nothing tying her to this other man yet she goes back to him!

EVERY PERSON WHO HAS EVER BEEN IN AN AFFAIR THINKS THE SAME THING - MY SITUATION IS "DIFFERENT".

 

It is NOT DIFFERENT ed.

 

It would be nice if someone could see this from a different perspective....

 

And don't you find it a huge redflag Ed that people from all walks of life DO NOT see this from another perspective? Maybe it is not us who is in a fog, but you? We can see without blinders or paradigms about this relationship. You have to be able to admit that when you are too close to a situation things occur that you cannot see at the time?

 

YOu will look back one day and see it, but how long will you go thru this torment before you decide enough is enough and move on? You should NOT have met her at the station. That was wrong, when someone says they want to work it out with their partner, HANDS OFF. Leave her alone. And she is a real piece of work, lying to her b/f and probably telling him NO CONTACT with you yet look what she did.

[Ed1]

Jadestar - I am not saying that the advice that I have got on here is not good sound advice. If I thought it was worthless I would not be here. I truly appreciate everyones comments, despite the fact that prehaps some of the advice I may not want to hear....

 

As for me not going to the Station - maybe it was not right, but equally she could have said P*ss off. I asked her if she was annoyed, and she said no not at all, infact I think she was hoping that I would be there because she wanted to see me. The fact that we then spent a couple of hours very close/intimate surely says that she can't be sure of her decision. The fact that for the past 6 weeks she has tried not to contact me, but cant, and we end up speaking/texting/mailing etc.

 

The only thing tying her to her current relationship is a feeling of guilt, and a feeling that she can't throw away 5 - 6 years being together without a last ditch attempt at salvaging something. I went with the advice I got on here earlier on in the affair, which was to end my relationship with my g/f. I HAVE done this. Surely this advice, based on trust being lost etc, would be the same for this woman? The fact that her b/f has been through hell for the past 6 weeks, with repeated acts of contact with me, should mean something to him also? There just appears to be some inconsistency, in the sense that I am advised to end my relationship with my g/f because of the affair, and yet I am now getting suggestions that I was stupid throwing a 6 year relationship away for this, and she is okay to try with her b/f, and the trust issues with them won't be a deal breaker in the future....

 

I am very confused.....upset....maybe a little angry....definitely frustrated....