A story I did, don't know where else to put it...

[sarey]

I did this story a few months ago, just found it. It's long. Feedback would be nice. I also know the grammar is quite poor, but it was a while back.

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A story of a girl trapped in her own mind. *Random title, I know*

Oh not today, please not today , Sian says to herself.

Sian looks in the mirror, staring back at her is the image she thought she would never see again. Fat reflects, all over her body. I thought i smashed all the mirrors in this room! she screams to herself. Quickly, as no one looks, she smashes it apart, and throws rapidly in the bin. There, that ought to do it!, Sian says to herself.

 

The clock ticks, and tocks, Sian looks up at it, she gasps, time passed by as she stood in the mirror glaring at herself. She quickly grabs a grape or two, and rushes off to school. As she enters the classroom, the whole room stares at her. Sian stands in front of the teacher explaining she fell over on the way to school and was very sorry. The teacher dismissed her, and Sian quietly sat at her desk. The teacher hands out everyone there individual test and sets the timer. 'Ready, children?' the teacher asks. She clicks the timer on, and awaits the buzzer to go off.

 

'Bzzzzzzzzzzzz' the alarm screeches. 'Right children, please finish the question you are on and remain seated until the bell rings' the teacher shouts over the alarm. Sian sits, covering up her stomach with her hands, clenching it trying to pull the fat out. Thinking and wondering if others can see the fat through her jumper, she daydreams....

 

'DING DING' the bell alarms. 'Right children, please pass your papers to the front of the class and you may then leave once all are collected' the teacher says. Sian collects the person behinds paper, and stands up to give to the person in front, suddenly, her stomach shows while straining to pass it to the person. She gasps at the sight of it, she quickly covers it, and looks around to see if anyone seen it. 'Here' she says quietly to the person as she passes the papers.

 

Running into the playground, she sits alone at the steps, tears form and drop as she sees other girls skinnier than her doing gymnastics. 'Why me, why must I be this shape, I truly hate it!' she mumbles to herself.

'Hey, HEY SIAN!' Jess screams. 'Hey, Jess' Sian replies. 'Why are you so figity?' Jess asks. 'No reason, i just feel a bit edgey today, thats all', Sian replies with a smile. 'Oh ok, want to play on the skipping rope for a while?' Jess asks. 'Um, no, but you can, ill watch you', Sian replies with a forced giggle.

Jess takes the skipping rope from the box by the school door, and runs back to Sian with it. 'I bet i can do 50!' Jess says and giggles uncontrollably. 'Lets see then, this should be a laugh', Sian replies, smiling with her teeth showing. Jess skips to 10, 20, 25, 28, she falls. 'Ha, almost, 2 more and you'd of done it, eh?', Sian says and giggles. 'I'd like to see you try and do better!' Jess angrily mumbles. 'What was that?', Sian asks. 'Oh, nothing', Jess replies with a cheeky smile.

 

'Bzzzzzzzzzzzz' the alarm sounds. 'Breaktime over girls, come on, chop chop, in you go!', the teacher shouts.

'Oh no, not math!' Jess moans. 'Go on, i'll catch you before lunch', Sian pats Jess' back. 'Ok, see you', Jess shouts at Sian running down the corridor to her next lesson.

 

'Your late, this is the second lesson you've been late to today, Sian, get a grip of yourself, if you are late next time you will be given detention, understand me?' the teacher strictly shouts as Sian arrives 3 minutes after due time. 'Yes ma'am, sorry', Sian looks down.

'Get to your seat immediately!' the teacher screams at Sian.

Sian places herself in her seat, and awaits the assignment. 'Class, today we are going to learn about the human body'. Oh great, be thankful its not my body on the chart, the paper wouldnt be big enough for my shape, Sian whispers to herself. Time goes on as Sian daydreams about herself being skinny, and modelling. Sian says to herself I will not eat another single thing, until my body is skinnier than the models i see in magazines.

 

As the days pass, the food fills the cuboards.

'Why are you not eating, Sian?' Sians mum asks her as she arrives from school. 'I do eat, i eat at school, and i just had a really big takeaway!', Sian replies. 'Oh, ok, well, be sure to eat breakfast tomorrow lovey, you need the energy' Sians mum says firmly. 'I will, dont worry', Sian replies uncertainly.

 

'Where are you going?', Sians mum asks Sian. 'Nowhere, just to Jess', we are going to bake some cookies for tomorrows funfair at school!', Sian replies. 'Be sure to eat some, they will taste lovely coming from my number one cook!', Sians mum smiles as she opens the door for Sian. 'Have fun!', Sians mums shouts. 'I WILL!', Sian screams back half way up the street.

 

Slowly, Sian browses the shop. She says to herself, I cant believe i lied like that. She buys a load of junk, preparing for tonight. She runs home, sneaks upstairs into her room, taking the mirror out, putting it on the floor, grabbing the bin, scoffing the junk into her mouth, trying to shut her growling stomach up. She chews, and chews, and swollows. Oh god, im so scared, Sian says to herself. She gets her two fingers, opens her mouth, pulls the bin near her, and looks in the mirror... tears run down her face as she purges the food up, choking, instantly gagging at each purge she attempts. I swear, if its the last thing i do, i will be beautiful and thin! Sian says to herself. Getting rid of the contents in the bin from her stomach, she wipes her face and weighs herself. Why am i so much? Sian says to herself with uncertainty.

 

Days, months pass, and the starvation continues, the purging continues, the weighing, the counting calories, the diets, the exercising constantly, all continues... 'Bzzzzzz' Sians alarm buzzes. 'Oh dammit, im late!' Sian shouts. She quickly puts her clothes on, and rushes to school. She enters the classroom, and suddenley, she feels dizzy. 'Im.. sorry.... im....' Sian passes out, and faints on the floor. 'Sian?' , the teacher asks Sian. 'Sian, this is no time for jokes!', the teacher says. 'Someone get the nurse!', the teacher shouts. 'NOW!', the teacher screams. The class all run to the medical room and shout that Sian has fainted and they need the nurse. 'Sian, Sian can you hear me?', the teacher asks as she kneels down next to Sian. 'What happened here?!', the nurse asks. 'Sian came in, and she fainted, i have no idea why!', the teacher explains nervously. 'Ok, stand aside', the nurse demands. The nurse kneels and checks for Sians pulse. 'Shes quite pale', the nurse says with concern. 'Her pulse is rapid... call an ambulance, NOW!', the nurse demands.

 

The ambulance arrives, they strap Sian up, and take her to the hospital. She is placed in the ward, and is oberserved for the night. She awakes in the morning... where am i? Sian thinks to herself.

She tries to get up, but her bones give in and she lies back down. Why cant i get up? What happened? Whats wrong with me? Sian questions herself. The nurses come and check on her. They smile, and ask how shes feeling. 'I feel... weak and sick', Sian replies.'Well, dear, you will for awhile, we know what your doing', the nurses say. 'What im doing? What am i doing?', Sian questions.'Sian, hunny, starving yourself and making yourself sick, you havent ate in months, thats why you are here today, like this', the nurses reply with a quick smile. 'How would you know? I made myself sick once, and its not been months, i counted, i remember counting, i dont miscount!', Sian replies with anger. 'You did, your mother has kept an eye on you, alot, shes heard you making yourself sick several times, she tries her best to take care of you sweetie, i dont understand why a pretty girl such as yourself would do this', the nurse replies with tears forming in her eyes. 'Well, pretty, no, fat, yes, have you seen the fat on me?', Sian replies with tears already dropping from her face. 'Hunny, you've lost so much, you are not fat, you weigh less than the average weight!', the nurse raises her voice with tears dropping. The nurse refills the fluids. 'What are you doing? Dont do that, get off them!', Sian screams. Sian hits the nurse and tries to escape. 'SECURITY!', the nurse shouts, as she buzzes the alarm. Security restrain Sian as she tries to get out of bed. 'GET OFF ME!', Sian screams. 'Sian, we are doing this for your own good, im sorry', the nurse quietly tells Sian as she sticks a needle in her arm and injects with fluid. 'You'll... regret.... this....', Sian says just as she falls asleep.

 

'Where is she? Is she ok? I want to see her, i need to see her!' Sians mum worriedly says to the nurses. 'This way, ma'am, your daughter, Sian, is sleeping, you may be with her for a bit, but when she wakes, we must warn you, she may be violent, but we will be watching her and you, dont worry, she will be fine', the nurse warns her. The nurse leads her to the bed Sian lays on. 'Oh hunny', Sians mum quietly whispers. Placing herself on the chair next to Sians bed, she takes her hand, covered with tubes, and holds. 'Sian, hunny, if you can hear me, im so sorry, i love you, your my special, beautiful girl, i didnt know this would happen, i should of helped you', Sians mum says quietly to Sian, blaming herself for all the problems Sian has. Time passes, and the medicene wares off. 'Mummy?', Sian says quietly as she opens her eyes. 'Sian? Oh Sian, my baby girl, my darling!', Sians mum says with shock and happiness that shes awake, and hugs her like theres no tomorrow. Oh god, my stomachs showing! Sian says to herself. 'Mum, please, its only been 3 days', Sian says sarcasticly, covering her stomach up, she asks 'Mum, whats happening to me? Why am i here?'. 'Hunny, rest now, you need it, ill go speak to the doctors', Sians mum replies. Sians mum kisses Sians forehead, and gives her hand a squeeze before leaving the bed. 'Love you hunny', Sians mum whispers to her.

 

'Nurse, whats happening to my daughter?', Sians mum asks. 'Im afraid we need to tell you something', the nurse replies. 'Please, do go through', the nurse leads Sians mum into the councilling room, where three doctors sit, awaiting her arrival. 'Ah, hello, finally we meet', the doctor says. 'Well, regarding Sians condition...', Sians mum interrupts 'Condition?', 'Yes', the doctor replies, 'Sian as you may see, has lost alot of weight, and has been doing it through certain worrying methods. Starvation, purging, ect. There is a name for this. Sian has Anorexia Nervosa', the doctor says directly to Sians mum. 'Your saying, that my daughter, Sian, has anorexia?', Sians mum replies. 'Yes, we are very sorry to do this, but she will need to be hospitaliazed until her weight is at least average, and she starts eating again', the doctor announces.

'Of course, Sians health and safety must be controlled, but, shes my daughter!', Sians mum says with a tear dripping down her eye. 'We understand that, but your daughter could die from this ma'am, and we need to do this for her safety', the doctor says with a frown. 'Ok, i understand', Sians mum says, crying in her hands. 'We will need to take her immediately, and she will need to have a say in this too', the doctor says.

 

Sians mum sniffles, as she walks over to Sians bed. 'Sian, hunny, can you tell me, what you think of yourself?', Sians mum asks. 'I think im... i think im... fat... and ... ugly... disgraceful.. horrible..gross...', Sian pauses in disgust with herself, and closes her eyes to avoid looking at herself, aswell as her mum. 'Sian, sweetie, you have a disorder, you have anorexia nervosa', Sians mum quietly tells Sian. 'I have what? No way, im fat, look, cant you see it, im fat!', Sian shouts and pulls the covers off, as she does, she punches her mum in the face. 'Mum, im... im sorry, i didnt mean too, i didnt, i really didnt, im sorry, i am, im sorry!', Sian screams, and cries. 'Its ok, its fine, really, it is, your to weak to hurt me anyway hunny', Sians mum says reassuring Sian. Weak? What is she on about? Sian says to herself.

 

Sian gets sectioned into the hospital the next day, and after 3 months of submission, she accepts her disorder. 'Im sorry for everything, i am, im sorry i didnt listen, i know im ill, but i cant see it', Sian says weakly. 'You will soon, dont worry, when you get better, you will see it', the nurse replies. Months pass, and each day is harder, but easier to see her true self for Sian. One day, she wakes up, goes into the bathroom, and she stares in the mirror. Her true image occurs. It flashes, back and fourth, to her true image, and the image anorexia has placed in her mind... the true image sticks for a while... and then flips back. What the... thats not me is it? Sian questions herself. She shuts her eyes, rubs them, and says to herself, this isnt happening, this ISNT happening! She opens her eyes, and she sees the true body image. She rubs her eyes, and blinks several times before staring at the image. Her ribs stick out, her stomach is flat, her cheek bones are visable, her hair has bold patches and straw thin, she sees her true self and her mouth drops at the sight of it. Im thin? I, i cant believe this, what is.. is this a dream? Or nightmare? Is this someone elses body? It cant be mine... Sian says to herself with worryness.

She said id see the true me, but i never knew this was the true me. Sian then sees flashes of her anorexic mind, and she gasps, she cries, she stutters, she curls up in the corner of the bathroom, and she waits...

 

'Sian? You ok in there?', the nurse asks... 'Sian, im coming in', the nurse shouts. She opens the door to find Sian curled up in the corner crying and shutting her eyes tightly. 'Sian!', the nurse shouts. 'Sian, whats wrong?', the nurse asks. 'I... i.. i seen what i really looked like, i seen it, i look.. i look awful.. im thin... i am thin.. i am happy... and at the same time.. shocked... i... i... it kept.. it kept going back to another image of me, far bigger and fatter, and i.. i just.. i cant handle this..', Sian says bursting into tears. 'Its ok, Sian, its ok', the nurse says as she pats her back. 'You'll be ok', the nurse says reassuring Sian. 'Sian, do you want us to help you get better?', the nurse asks. 'Oh.. oh.. yes.. yes please, i cant.. i cant stand this.. i feel so weak.. and sick.. and urgh', Sian replies, sniffling and rubbing her nose. 'We will help you, Sian, everythings going to be ok, dont worry, you will be ok, trust us, and we can help you', the nurse asks Sian. 'I... i trust you', Sian replies. 'Do this for me and your mum, and especially yourself', the nurse tells Sian. 'I will.. i... i will', Sian says determindly. 'Ill do this, if its the last thing i do, i will do this', Sian says, smiling and proud of herself. She stands up, and smiles to the nurse. Sian walks out of the bathroom, and says to herself, i will defeat your anorexia, you can take my body, but you cant take my soul or mind, thats mine forever, i will beat you, i will do this, and nothings going to stop me, not even you.

[girl friend]

Thats incredible sweetie. How did you learn so much about Anorexia Nervosa?

[sarey]

Thanks.

 

I research it, I go on forums with people who claim they have it, I help out with people who have it, I've been in hospital with other people who have it, I've also ... 'experienced' it and still am.

[girl friend]

Wow... you've been through so much, and you're only 14!

I reckon you'll be able to cope with pretty much anything life throws at ya.

 

Good luck with beating it. Sian's attitude at the end is great! Good luck making you into her¬! xx

[sarey]

I'm fat though, she (in the story that by the way ISN'T BASED ON A TRUE STORY) was skinny, super skinny, not fat, I've not reached that stage yet.

 

I haven't been through that much. I won't be able to cope with some things, maybe just one more MAJORLY bad thing which might happen will top me off.